I joined the forum several months ago and B”H during that time I have grown tremendously. A few weeks ago I hit the 90 day mark and decided “to go out on my own” my reasoning was that if I made it this far I am good to go. As you may (or may not) have noticed I stopped posting or checking in on the forum. It didn’t take long to realize that my decision was a BIG mistake. There is defiantly a special power in numbers. The power of a ra’abim can’t be measured. I always enjoy watching National Graphics documentaries on animals, one can learn tremendous insight in how the Ribbono Shel Olam (RS”O) created and runs the world. Migrating animals is a favorite, it’s an amazing sight to watch, the detail and instinct of every creation is something else. Like everyone of the RS”O creations there is always someone higher up on the food chain and that predator is always watching and waiting looking for that one animal that breaks from the band, troop, parade, pride, herd, swift, est. to make its move. Regardless of its strength be it a lion, tiger, or a goat it is only as strong as the group it is traveling with. The moment one “decides to go out on its own” no matter how good the reason is, be it hungry, tired, or just to get a glimpse of the view the deserter will almost always fall victim. The predator will wait in hiding for hours on end waiting and waiting for that one moment. This is just as true for humans, especially frum Torah Jews as it is for animals. The RS’O created us to be together and He expects us to look out for each other. The moment someone breaks from the chevra or chabura the Y/H know he has “a live one”. In some cases he will wait months and years to make his move (as in the story of Yochanan Cohen Gadol) however in most just moments. Seconds after breaking from the chabura I already new that I made a big mistake, yet I foolishly pushed on thinking that I could still win. This morning I came across a quote from Rebbe Menachem Mendel Schneerson the late Lubavitcher Rebbe that opened my eyes and for lack of better words I will just go with was amazing: During the 1960’s someone came into the Rebbe’s office and asked him something along the lines of how do I know that that I am true Torah Jew. The Rebbe answered him in a way that only a loving Rebbe can. Being that I am your Rebbe if I felt that you were not doing something in accordance with the Torah I would definitely tell you. The Rebbe then rose from his desk and clutched his lapels in a mock dramatic manner and continued with “the thoughts only come from the Y/H, you have to grab the Y/H by the sleeve and toss him out. Do not get into arguments or discussions with him; instead, turn your thoughts towards Torah matters.” He is an angle you will never win. In my case he started with “you hit 90 days you are The Man, what do you need the forum for”. After thinking I could do it on my own he continued with “you think you are so good, you did this wrong and that wrong and what about yesterday, last week, last year est.”. There was no end to the bombardment of working in trying to make me fall. He was there in the morning when I awoke and stayed the day until I would retire for the night. During my every awaken moment he would belittle my accomplishments by placing thoughts of dought and despair in my mind to the point where he was driving me crazy and in some cases stages of depression set in. The Rebbe reply to his chassid in away jolted me from my slumber and in the words of some great Rebbe “it’s never too late to come home”.
I am glad and privileged to be back!!!!!
;D :D :o