No matter how busy we are, we will sometime come to a point where we are face-to-face with ourselves. Maybe one night, you can't sleep and it's 4am and you are looking for things to dull your mind, and suddenly, the thought of getting on the internet pops into your mind. Or it's motzi Shabbos and you don't feel like doing anything "hard" like learning, or working out, or whatever and all your friends are out doing something and suddenly you realize that you are alone in a room with nothing that you have to do at that moment...Obviously it all depends on your life situation.

But assuming we can''t run from those lonely moments all the time, and we are hit with one unexpectedly, and suddently we are engaged in a one-on-one duel with the Yetzer Hara, what should we do? Presumably it's good to devise a strategy beforehand in case such a situation comes up. So maybe people can share some of their strategies for those lonely/boring/unstructured times. After all, if we just sit there and fight the YH head on, we will lose...

sadly     GYE forum. Essentialy I got myself hooked on blogging. But I wouldn't ever consider blogging anywhere else, just here.

Ummm, read the 'boring' posts
Respond to all the realy only threads (from like 2 years ago)

Or start doing the equivelant of this place, just that it's kiruv at   GotTorah.com  (it's oorah's kiruv forum) Trust me, anyone who went ot yeshiva, can answer 90% of the questions. And after a while you'll get the hang of wording things for the 'kiruv oriented'. I did it 2 years ago, and I turned the whole site around with timely and informative answers.  Last i checked the place got boring, so go spice it up. (PPl come there saying, "i just found out i'm jewish, so what now?" and "What connection do I actualy have to Abraham?"

This is a real toughy. Its also hard to answer because to each his own. Do you like to read?? If yes, maybe get some books special for these times. Find something you enjoy and do it. Whatever it is. This is a problem that alot of us suffer from. We need to find things that we enjy and interest us. I kow a few people on this forum have taken this approach and are seeing much progress!

hatzlacha.

Hey AT.

You're asking a really good question and whether or not there may be an infinite of answers ranging from ok to very good, it is a very personal issue and a challenging one. What works for me sometimes might not work for me at others.

A couple of ideas:

1 - What shemirateinayim said.

2 - What imtrying25 said.

3 - What do you think?

4 - I don't know what your computer situations is, but a good filter has been a good starting point for me.

5 - I've found interesting clean things on the computer for myself to do, so that if I'm not able to pull myself away from the computer, I can still be ok while on it. And, of course, #1 helps me stay safe.

6 - Call friends. Find out who is on this site from all different parts of the world, so that you'll more likely have someone to talk to at varying times of the day and night.

7 - This is a hard one and I am not always good at it, but you mentioned that you're home alone and all of your friends are out. So, I try when I can to make sure that I'm out with them.

8 - Good music?

9 - Think of some good friends, us on the forum, HKB"H, and realize you are never alone!

GUT SHABBOS!!

Sturggle

Hey AT,

You raise an excellent point that is so relevant for many of us, including myself. For me, what's most important is that I work hard both physcially and mentally during the day so that by bedtime I feel both tired enough and satisfied that I have achieved something. Nevertheless, whilst one must work hard in order to achieve a feeling of Bsimcha, overwork is also detrimental and even perilous for addicts. Try and build in some time for relaxation and healthy recreation into your daily routine. 

It's also of paramount importance for me to guard my eyes during the day, because if I can't fall asleep and I being racked with the fiery flames of lust, it's a situation fraught with danger.

I know that life isn't always so ideal, as you quite rightly say. In these cases, I usually climb out of bed, do some stretches (I know this sounds a bit camp and weird) and listen to my favourite music. Or, if I want to be a better person, I do some proper reading (chizuk, novels etc). If however, I'm explosively horny and on fire and in no mood for anything that requires virtuous effort and concentration, I just play computer games as a last resort. However, I don't advise this unless it's an emergency because exciting games will just stimulate your mind and make it more difficult to go to bed. Also, violent games seem to make me feel very agressive and randy (especially when I can't win).

Though, anything, and I mean almost anything is better than falling back into the addiction.

Good luck buddy,

KUTGW!

DesertLion   

Havign someone to call (ideally, someone who knows what you're going through, but even if not)- that's an advantage to having friends in israel, cuz you always have someone to call, even in the middle of the night here!

Do you play an instrument? pull it out! No? Learn how to!

I'd say that step #1 is being able to avoid going to the computer. Leave the room and look for soemthing to do. Maybe even just put on headphones and go for a walk.

Thanks for the responses.

Last night was tough. After starting the thread, I decided I need to get out of my apartment and went somewhere with an exciting book that I found out about in GYE Kosher Isle (Armageddon, by Max Hastings). But it happened that where I was, there were lots of girls and vulgar loud people and nowhere else was open so I went back home.

I felt totally unsatisfied with the evening and didn't feel like just reading and going to bed. I actually pulled out the Woodford and had some while listening to music. After a while, for the first time in 2 weeks, I tried to get porn. Luckily, my barriers worked this time and I couldn't get to anything and stopped trying after not too long. But sheesh that was bad.

I think having someone to call in those times would be the best antidote. Will work on that...

Good Shabbos!

Buddy

I really feel for you. In reality that's my biggest problem. And that's why GYE is helping me, the most (Don't tell Guard that GYE helps me by releiving my boredom, not the chizuk emails). It's not the best answer. You can't always learn, and sometimes you sit by your desk at work even though you have work to do and you just can't motivate yourself. So college, work, Yeshiva wherever you are in life you will have times of boredom and then you look for something to pass the time. You know it's wrong. Your YH doesn't even bother with the rational arguments, he just says:

bored
bored
bored
bored
bored
I guess the answer is find something else to do. I don't know I could use a good solution.

Me3 wrote on 05 Feb 2010 20:05:


I promise I won't.




Why not hang out on the Kosher Isle stuff when feeling bored? Thousands of video clips and whatnot... Just for example, have you see already all the video clips on Arutz Sheva's Chill Zone? There are hundreds!...

And www.frumtube.com/?

These are just two examples of many many such links.... (I'm not even talking about the thousands of great video and audio shiurim linked there under Torah)

Guard

That's not a long term answer. Eventually you will watch all the ones that look remotely interesting. You also don't always have the head to learn and just want to relax.

If your barriers worked, pat yourself on the back - that's part of the idea of building up your defenses when you're feelign good, so that on rainy days, you're set.

buy the Rosseta Stone  program, and learn a new language (other than hebrew). try something cool, that you can actualy put to work-like chinese!

The key here is being alone. You need to not be alone. Which means, you schedule going out w/ friends on sat night if you have to. Go out, spend some time. Don't be alone. Go to a shiur. Like a chilled shiur, where its like half torah and half just schmoozing. Those will usually leave you both fulfilled, and NOT ALONE. If you are in Israel or Tri state area, there are probably regular shiurim being given where you can interact w/ people and be social and as a side plus learn some torah. The key is being out and about and NOT ALONE.

Good luck! :-)