OK I NEED ADVICE

IM ALMOST A FULL YEAR CLEAN (GULP YAY YIKES LCHAIM WHATEVER)

I AM GETTING A GNAWING FEELING

THAT SAYS BARDS

PSSSST.. BARDS YOU HOME

PSSSSST. IT'S ME YH

PSSSSST. BARDS COME HAVE FUN

WE WONT DO ANYTHING BAD

BUT BARDS WE WERE SUCH OLD BUDDIES

BARDS ILL FORGIVE YOU FOR FIGHTING ME

BUT YOU AND ME CAN STILL HAVE FUN




IF ANYONE CAN IDENTIFY WITH THIS

PLEASE POST

THANKS

bards :

It's not that I've had that exact feeling but I do understand what you are saying.  You almost feel that you are getting pulled??  I don't know what to tell you, Dov is great for that, but just keep trucking and do what you have been doing.  It has to be working.

HEY I AM TRUCKING AWAY

ITS JUST THAT THE YH  IS TELLING  ME

THAT THE ENEMY IS NOT SO DANGEROUS

I KNOW WHAT DOV WILL SAY

DONT'T THINK IN TO IT

WE SHOULD TAKE OUR SANITY SERIOUSLY

OR BE SEROUSLY SANE

OR SANLEY INSEROUS

INSEROIUUS INSANE

ITS PURE DOVISH

WHAT IT MEANS IS
"BARDS KEEP ON TRUCKIN"

DOV !! U ROCK DA HOUSE!!

Identitfy, yes!!  I'm closing in on 200 daus and  been bothered by the same feeing lately.

YH - So what if u look a second longer, you've been so good till now. Nothings gonna happen. You can control yourself. Its been so long you've forgotten how good it feels. Take a sip. A taste.  Indulge youself......

Ahhhhhhhhh

Ok Bards, being in the same boat I can't give u advice. What I'm planning on doing is reading over and over the GYE material I read during my withdrawal period.

I also feel the need to open up to another in real LIFE but am to chicken to do so. I have someone in mind, he won't bite, but my ego.....

Either way, we need to KOT and slow down the truck and get back on the tricycle. One day at a time.

Well, I just got that feeling after 90 days.  Maybe you remember?

Sort of like.. okay, it's all over now.

Just hang in there a few days until you forget about reaching that new landmark.

Then that feeling of like no big deal comes back again.

I hope this helps.

  --Eye.

this gnawing feeling has been with me for most of my life.

I cannot always ignore it.

but I try to do the right thing despite of it.

sometime pass,sometime fail

sometimes fail.

you would think I should be used to this feeling by now.

but I haven't

it still hurts.

but maybe that's a good thing.

like rage said he's a tricky fellow and he strikes where it hurts

Dear friend let me share something with you that you already know. I was 139 days clean and I started to get those thoughts. I fell for it and fell and that was at chanuka time and I am still in the mud. Last night I hit rock bottom again.

Try to remember why you came here. Remember the pain and the hate for losing so much of your life. There is a great book 'Relapse Traps" by Rogers and Mcalelan. They have a great chapter on complacency. Basically they say that when you hit rock bottom write a manifesto about how miserable you are and how much you hate it. if you don't have one make a list of why you are here. I am thinking of you. your one of my heros

Dangerous Shmangerous!!!

There is only 1 rule to follow here. Just one. This rule is:

We NEVER talk to our y"h or ANY of his affiliates!!!!

We Never have discussions with them....even to just be polite.

If, and when they begin to talk to us, (usually begins as a small whisper), we hang up the phone. We aren't interested in ANYTHING they/he has to say. PERIOD!!!

Dearest Bardichev,

Been there many times!  Don't want to go back - ever!

I don't always take note of my count, but, Boruch Hashem, it's between 8 and 9 months.  I know that even slipping is deadly for me, and always will be.  B'Ezras Hashem, I try to act accordingly, one day at a time.

Bardichev,
In my past I recall that feeling all too well.  After pesach 2008, I went six months clean, B"H.  But I remember, at the end of the six months having that feeling of "just one peek" for old times sake.  I wrote to a few members a description of those days:

"I know all too well from my own experience how one measly fall after a major streak can lead us down spiraling into despair and disaster.  After pesach 2008, with great resolve I began a six month hiatus of complete sobriety. I felt great! The war is over.  But unfortunately, the addiction revisited after SIX MONTHS.  And I did not even know what hit me.  At first I was in denial but it only got worse.  The guilt and shame were too much for me to bear, I fell into depression and despair.  At that moment the yetzer hara declared VICTORY!  Now that he pulled me down and now that he got me sad and depressed, he was able to overrule me.  I wallowed in the dirt for another THREE MONTHS until I find GYE.  Every single day, I kept saying "one more peek". And deep in my subconscious, there was a very loud voice saying, "might as well enjoy the good life while your down".  And when I felt a conviction to break free, the voice said, "You will never heal.  Look if after six months you failed, there is no way you will succeed.  Give up"."

So I learned my lesson the hard way.  After I finally picked myself last year (and now I have one year of sobriety) I was able to see right through the yetzer hara's lies.  That is why I had not had one real nisayon in the past year. I made it clear to myself how horrible this is, and even one "one small peek" can be disastrous. 

In terms of advice, it is important to remind yourself each day the importance of remaining sober. Remind yourself the terrible ramifications of even one peek.  Remind yourself that the yetzer hara likes to manipulate us.  Don;t wait for him to start playing with your mind. B'shaas maaseh, it is much harder to make appropriate decisions. When we clarify to ourselves during the times of clarity, it will be easier to make the correct decisions during the cloudy times.  And of course, just daven to hashem shtark.  Don;t wait for the buildup.  Daven Daven Daven.  Daven to Hashem to never bring a nisayon and if C"V he should bring one on you (of you accidentally bring it on yourself ) you should have the koach and wisdom to remove yourself.  Also, fortify yourself.  What will you do if C"V, the yetzer hara begins his manipulative powers?  Another point, remind yourself that the yetzer hara cannot hurt you.  He can only manipulate you. Don't let him.  Sorry, for being such an extremist. But I take my sobriety seriously. I value my life and I cannot take any chances. I am sure you do to. 

And of course,  a good dosage of shaarei teshuva on daaga (5th principle) always does wonders for these situations.

Hatzlacha Raba,

Your dear friend,
yaakov

”ZACHRAINI NAH UPUKDAINI NAH”

”HASHEM REMEMBER ME AND LISTEN TO MY TEFILLAH PLEASE”

"ACH HAPAAMM HAZEH"

”JUST THIS ONE TIME"!!!!

”VE-INAKMAH”

”AND I WILL REVENGE”

”ACHAS MISHTAEI EINAI”

”ONE OF MY TWO EYES”

”MI’PLISHTIM”

”FROM THE PLISHTIM”

CRANK UP THE MUSIC TO FULL BLAST IN THAT TRUCK!!

Hey Bards,

I was hoping somebody would raise this point on the forum since I've been experiencing exactly the same thing recently. The YH has been whispering to me, "why don't you just look at porn and masturbate, it will take away all your stress and anger and resentment."

I've been feeling really horny, so it's been quite painful to deny myself, but the only thing that keeps me going is the knowledge that (a) I'm doing the right thing and (b) giving in to our 'old pal' the YH would only greatly exarcabate our problems.

The worst thing is that because I have so much work I have to do, I don't have any free time for my healthy compensatory activities such as exercise and just doing what I enjoy. The result is I just have to grin and bear it and contain my urges, fustration and volcanic anger without the safety net of harmless recreation. Life is a bi*ch, but I'm determined not to make it a hell again. Being addicted once in a lifetime is more than enough.

Btw or should I say pssst Bards, you are a joker as well.

If there's one virtue the YH has, it's that he never stops working. That means we can never stop fighting. If only he was something physical I could smash into a pulp and trample on, I would feel so much better.

Keep on trucking. I want a Ferrarai though or maybe a batmobile.

TC

DesertLion       

RAGE:

AND NOW TRAFFIC AND WEATHET TOGETHER

TRAFFIC CAME TO A HALT ON OLD ROUTE 66

ABEARDED GUY WITH FRINGES STICKING OUT OF HIS PARKA

IS DANCING IN FRONT OF HIS TRUCK

AND NOW THE WEATHER

ITS GOING TO GET WARMER IN BARDSTOWN THE SUN IS SHINING

That gnawing feeling the way you described sounds straight out of the mp3 "soton out of the box" listed on rehab-my-site.com/guardureyes/forum/index.php?topic=402.0

Its really rude of soton to use the same all caps tone as Bardy.

In any case, the gnawing feeling, means your winning... As so as he stops gnawing...r"l... Soton comes out and says the most Un-"Bardy" things.  He

There are these people (I think they are people) called debt collectors... Fortunately, I've never really owed money I didn't pay.
but through no fault of my own such as clerical and administrative mistakes at phone companies and hospitals send my bills to debt collectors. 

If you have never experienced a call from a debt collector ask around.... They will do and say anything to you extract money out of you even... if you don't really owe anybody any money.

I heard a documentary that these debt collector are unhappy people... They have a miserable job.  Just like soton.

And Bards, you are sotons worst enemy.  Hopefully, he will learn soon what its like to get run over by your truck.

mekubal.