I've been having an anonymous e-mail correspondence with my Rav since September regarding GYE and related topics.  Recently, I suggested that we could work together better if I were to end the anonymity, and my Rav invited me to do so.  But I held back.  And then, the Ribbono Shel Olam decided that the time had come, and caused me to sign my real name by mistake.

I didn't notice my blunder until the next day.  I wrote my Rav as follows (with minor edits):

Dear Rav *******, Shlita,

I understand now why you didn't respond - I see that I signed my real name inadvertently, and you didn't want to embarrass me.  Thank you for being so considerate.

However, as I indicated in my earlier e-mail, perhaps it was time to end my anonymity in any event (with you, that is), so there's no real harm done.  The Ribbono Shel Olam was indicating that the time had come.  

Anonymity can be good, but not where it gets in the way of accomplishing for the Klal.  For example, I don't think it would have been possible to get the Rosh Yeshiva's Haskama for GYE if he would not have known who he was dealing with.  Similarly, perhaps there is some way that we can work together now that you know who I am.

Most people are still in great denial of this problem.  For example, Mishpacha Magazine's Family First had to change the story line of their current serial "Shattered Glass," due to outcries of protest from numerous readers.  Also, GYE plans to put an ad in the upcoming issue of ******** with the Rosh Yeshiva's letter on the adjacent page, all with the Rosh Yeshiva's permission.  The editors are in a bit of a quandary - they're not sure if they want to publish the Rosh Yeshiva's letter in their family magazine, but the Rosh Yeshiva wants them to publish it.  We'll see what happens.

Boruch Hashem, I've had the privilege of becoming quite involved with GYE, something that would not have happened had I never faced this Nisayon.  The Rosh Yeshiva agreed with my assessment that helping others in this area is considered Teshuva Mei'Ahava - because it's using one's past aveiros as a springboard to do good.

Anyway, I'm grateful to be where I am in my personal life, and grateful that the Ribbono Shel Olam has given me the opportunity to help others on such a large scale, thanks to the opportunity that GYE, and its dedicated administrator present.

Sincerely,

******** a.k.a. ********


My Rav Responded as Follow (with minor edits):

Reb *******:

Wow!  I thought it was someone in the shul as certain things I said were being quoted here and there - only a ****** regular could have known. In fact, I hung up the [Rosh Yeshiva's] letter this morning already and I was curiously waiting to see if *********** [my pseudonym] thanked me soon or not - vyter indicating that he is a mispalel by us.  However, I did not try to figure out who you are.  

You are right - the Rosh Yeshiva would only push GYE once he knew who he was dealing with.  Even I kept a bit of an arms-length with someone anonymous (sorry if I was cold at times in response - I had to play it that way with someone anonymous).

One thing I am not clear about.  Did you invent GYE and maintain it or did you join something already in existence and push it? [What made my Rav possibly think I invented GYE?]

Any way I could help - let me know.

Kol tuv.

********

God bless you. You are being מזכה את הרבים

Holy Yid wrote on 28 Jan 2010 21:31:


When you have good friends, there's no limit to what you can accomplish!

There is a Rav I know who often talks about the dangers of the Internet on shabbos. This past week he spoke about how hard it is to ask for help. I am planning to write him a letter about the site but if the magizine runs R. A. Feldmans haskama I don't think I will have too.

Holy Yid wrote on 28 Jan 2010 21:39:


The magazine is a local one.

Holy Yid wrote on 28 Jan 2010 21:39:


That's really terrible bad enough they are on the internet, but on Shabbos? How low can a person fall!

Me3 wrote on 28 Jan 2010 22:09:


Maybe they'll, at least, avoid it on Yom Kippur!  ;D

Me3 wrote on 28 Jan 2010 22:09:


He mean that on shabbos the Rov talks about the dangers of the Internet.

dark321 wrote on 28 Jan 2010 23:05:


I assure you, Me3 was joking!

Kedusha you are so Holy! Im starting to think that youll be there with Guard to greet moshiach. On the front lines.

nefesh ki yakriv. Ayin rashi. I think this applies to you too. Giving up your anonimity for the sake of the Klal. This is a real korban.

Even if Kedusha's ad was in your local magazine, it still won't be as potent as someone directly asking the rav to take-up the issue. Please help me boost the -virtualy non existant- PR effort, by copy/Pasting all of your accomplishments to the thread I started. Kedushah is doing all the work for us, all we need to do is minor editing of his letters (personalising them to an extent), print it, and spend 45 cents to mail it!

Include A letter, Both Haskamos, The Fliers, a print-out of the homepage, and ___________anything else____?

I'm glad that you (and Hashem) found a way to "out yourself" to a Rav who already knows you as a human being and a three-dimensional figure.  Makes it harder for him to think of all of us as a bunch of child molesting, wife-cheating, bank-robbing maniacs.  (Or at least, not ALL of us....)

You are a true hero, and your efforts may very well save many marriages and even lives.

Are you planning to the close the circle of insiders with your Rav? Or perhaps you want to "out yourself" all the way, maybe with a full-color photo in your local magazine?

So, I'm curious where you see this inadvertent exposure as leading you.  Any plans?

I would post this on my thread for PR, but it will probably get more exposure here:
for wimps
You give me the number of your rav, and I'll call him to discuss this issue ! (unless he knows me) Just PM me a name and number, and I'll present him with the issue at hand, asking for him to just post a little bulletin with this sites adress, so that "womever it may concern" has an adress to turn to.

And B"H more members, more publicity, and more exposure, will also bring-in some more funding. (I hope it covers the neccesary workload)

briut wrote on 29 Jan 2010 04:56:


I assume you're joking. 

There's actually a deep reason, which I heard from Dov, not to make yourself public, which has nothing to do with being embarrassed.  Don't have time to discuss it now.

Actually, only "most" of me was joking.

I sadly recognize that standing up throughout your community and saying, 'look-ie here' is not the best idea.  (Our family calls it the 'oy, your children will never get good shidduchim' factor, but that's not as much a joke as I wish it were. There's a lot of stigma to both the addict and a lot of (other) innocent people.)

I also can say from experience that folks who care enough to hear the news will rarely be cruel in what they do once they hear it.  My own Ravs in all my various communities have been good to me, and with each add'l round of telling a Rav I seem to get more clarity & insight etc.

At the same time, I know that my wife's job, my children's interactions in the community, lots of other factors make this way too complicated & risky to be joking about.  I only meant this to encourage you to give some serious thought to where your story might help others, and in what context.

There's one recovering drug addict (prob 20 years clean now) in my town who is very open and standing up for where he was and where he is, etc.  He helps a lot of people, and seems to like feeding them what they need at each turn.  I hope his children don't suffer from local stigma (or the 'good shidduch' factor, Ch'V).

So, where are you planning to go from here?  Would you, for example, let your Rav have someone else get in touch with you to discuss your own situation, or is the anonymity of the web the only way you're comfortable.

Good Shabbos.