i was trying to sleep yesterday evening after 2 weeks clean. (the best i ve ever done).I managed maybe for the first time to wrestle against the menuval an hour long! and then i was so tired and could nothing more (it was between 1 am and 2 am)  i really don t know what to do!
mimamakim kerosiho H'!

I fell after 6 weeks, my personal record.

We're supposed to pick ourselves up and carry on counting.

You haven't lost your 2 clean weeks.

Good luck.

Helllloooo

KEEP ON TRUCKIN!!!

Say fell shmell

Sad I'd ok (for a few minutes)

Depressed?? No way!!

K
O
T

Think of how many angels you created when fighting the Y"H for that hour! WOW!

Read the last few principles of the Attitude handbook.

Keep up the good work, and congrats on 2 weeks clean. That's HUGE.

My gosh two weeks is oretty good! You didnt lose, you just hit a bump in the road thats supposed to wake you up. Maybe you were satisfied with your recovery and Hashem sais "Hmmm, no DY can do better!" You didnt lose what youve already done. There is still plenty to build off in those two weeks. Stick with it DY!

-Yiddle

Wow - two weeks. And double wow - fighting for two hours straight! As upsetting as it is to fall, we have to remember our victories!

What could you do differently next time? If necessary, get out of bed for a little while and read for a few minutes. Kinda reset your mind. Do you think that might help?

it might work but when i m  tired like i was yesterday(it almost always happens in such a case) i have no  strength to fight against it and can hardly get up, i m then totally possessed by my bad thoughts.

I can see that...maybe tell your yetzer hora that you're too tired, and just want to go to sleep?

Fighting directly against this can be very difficult...because we can win a hundred times, saying "no" for 20 minutes straight, and all we have to do is slip once. That's why we try not to fight directly. We ask hashem to help, and give the battle to him. We change the subject. We roll over and go to sleep.

Once, as I was drifting off, the yetzer hora came to me, and reminded me of how sweet it is to fantasize, and act out, and how it feels SO good, better than anything else...and I just started laughing. Really. Lying there in my bed, just laughing out loud. I said, "yetzer hora, you're trying to lie to my face, but it won't work! I know how good it feels when I win, when I stay clean! It feels much better than the fake pleasure you're dangling in front of me that'll last for a few seconds!"

I just laughed at him, and it made the whole thing funny. And suddenly, I wasn't so tempted anymore!

Listen it's natural, and sadly it's expected. I call it "withdrawal".

When I fist started, I would be plagued by vivid immages of the most graphic scenes!  My YH would use my immagination to play-out the most graphic of videos.... using nothing more than my immagination. I was totaly unable to vlear my mind! The only tool I had, was a peice from the sefer Shmiras Halashon. Here is the original post:
[quote]So I has A very hard start...serious withdrawal syndromes...emotionally agonizing torture!!! I would grab the steering wheel as hard as I can, and just fight the urge...until I began enjoying to fight it.....then I welcomed a strong urge, because it make me feel powerful....I am mentally powerful!

Then 2 days later the yetzer hara gave up with the head-on approach, and enticed me so slyly I barely managed to realize that I was thinking inappropriate thoughts.  My new struggle was to realize it......Then 4 days later, and I'm keeping myself very busy al day....it stops. wow it was great. No Yetzer hara. Tisha Beav came and went without me even realizing it till a few days later.

i still have a hard time identifying a thought creeping in, but as soon as I do, that's the end of it.

I think that part of this success is that I used to get a lot of enjoyment out of thinning these thoughts, and no enjoyment fighting it, just the stress and struggle to do so. But now that I can proudly tell me Rebbe about my achievements, and post it on these boards, I get more enjoyments fighting them, it's fun, and exiting.

What got me through the last 2 weeks is a perek from the sefer smirat halashon. The chofetz Chaim tells us that after 120 they will give us a sefer torah and say "READ" and when we get to all the placed in the torah where we transgressed, we won't be able to read it. How can a thief possibly read 'thou shall not steel..' he'll be overcome wit such a pachad and aima...he'll be sentencing himself to gehanom by reading it...because He didn't fulfill it. One can transplant this to any mitzvah. I talked to myself (car-rides are great for that) and verbally played out the entire scenario....'and they're going to give you a sefer torah and make you read "Velo Sasuru....avcharei lav'vachem...ve'acharei eineichem....asher atem ZONIM achareihem!!!" . 
Eventually this became my rally call whenever I needed it. I would just scream it once (in the car again) and all thoughts of looking twice would vanish (sometimes I need to repeat it a second time).
The sefer cheshbon Hanefesh actually advises (as part of it's amazing system) that one write an essay on the middah they want to work on, then summarize that into one pasuk/sentence, then summarize that one powerful sentence into a made-up gibberish word and whenever that person need to conquer that midah he should say his gibberish codeword [quote]
http://www.guardureyes.com/GUE/OurStories/Determined4.asp see it here

Get over it buddy, it's not that bad. Just get up and start again.

What KG is saying is that we can't focus on that - we're not supposed to focus on it. We need to forget about it (except for what we can learn), and move forward!

can we change the subject of this thread, It scares to me constantly see the words yesterday evening... it makes it sound like this happens every day (sadly i used to be even worse than that, BH I'm now much better than that!)

Hey deseperateyid,

I've fallen countless numbers of times whilst in bed as well. You are not the only one! I find it really helps if one is exhausted by the time one goes to bed. Doing a lot of exercise and stimulating mental work throughout the day leaves me feeling satisfied and able to fall asleep quickly and peacefully.However, if you can't fall asleep why not do something relaxing but not overly stimulating, until you finally feel sleepy?

Also, I've discovered that unless you guard your eyes very carefully during your waking hours, the improper images that you saw or the lustful fantasies that you enetertained during the day will come back to haunt you when you at your most vulberable during the night.

Finally, Guard recommended that I sleep with my hands above my waist. Although this isn't 100% fool-proof, it does make it more difficult to subconsciously masturbate and helped me a lot.

Well done on the two weeks clean and KUTGW!

TC

DesertLion

shemirateinayim wrote on 27 Jan 2010 16:32:


If you really didnt want to see the title of this thread, you should not have posted on it. You see, if you would have just let the thread stay it may have goen to the second page and you would have never see it again. But because you posted on it, you brought it back to the top of page one on "Break Free" and thereby prolonging this thread's stay on page one. What am I talking about???? SE, just send one of the moderators (Kedusha for one) a PM and kindly ask them to change the title of the thread if it really bothers you.  ;D ;D ;D ;D

-Yiddle