Hello Everyone

This is my first post, and I am really nervous, but here goes.  I have been in recovery for over 4 years and was sober in SA for 3 of them. Six months ago I relocated and during the move I relapsed.  Since then I have never managed more than 7 - 10 days before slipping. I attend regular meetings, but am finding it really hard to get back the enthusiasm I used to have for recovery.  Prior to my relaspe I used to call people from the fellowships regularly, and do my prayers and readings daily.  But now I have lost all enthusiasm and feel really low.  I seem bent on self destructing my life.

I would really appreciate advise, Chizuk from people to help me get back on my feet once again.

Thanks for reading
London

Welcome dear Neshama,

I think that guys like DOV on our forum, will be able to guide you back. And now that you've found our community, it will never be the same.

We will be announcing shortly two new GuardYourEyes handbooks, one of practical steps and one on perspective, and I hope you will find them very useful in your struggle. Sign up for the daily Chizuk e-mails and stick with us. There's in no better place in the world for a religious addict.

Welcome home.

Thank you for your warm words Guard, I had a struggle today and unfortuantely acted out, I had the cravings to act out again later on in the day, and my addict side justified by saying that I've already acted out today so one more time is not going to make a difference I can alway start my recovery again tomorrow, but BH I have not acted out since.  It is not 12am in London and I am going to bed.  As recovery is a ONE DAY AT A TIME for me I committ not to act out tonight. I really beg and daven to Hashem that He should keep me clean and sober tonight and that my dreams too should be clean, I want sobriety for tonight.

Thank you everyone for being here for me.
London

I know exactly how you feel, its a life long fight.

The YH is an expert at making you feel down and depressed.

Don't fight the YH, ignore him. Try to do something really simchadic and learn something that gives you tremendous simcha.

Remember tomorrow is Lag B Omer which is a revelation of Simcha which lights up the whole world.

Dear London -
Reading your first post above, it seems you may have answered your own request. You wrote that you feel very low. You then describe these feelings as related to being bent on self-destruction.
Well, you are right, it IS self-destruction to down and low. In my experience and that of others, then main goal of the twelve steps and recovery is to allow you and me, addicts, to live comfortably with themselves, w/Hashem, and with other people and w/whatever happens to them - even w/slipping. What you do with your life after that is up to you. That's when the fun really starts!
If your relocation or whatever is around it was/is stressful, well that is normal but so what? "Stressful" is unacceptable to addicts. You may need to learn how to find comfort in your new location, your new sobriety date, and whatever else is going on around you. Of course, recovering enough to gain the sanity to find comfort is almost impossible to do if you are continuously acting out - but it doesn't sound like you are doing that. Your illness is still giving you enough space and time to get a foothold. BH! Your odds are better than average based on your past sobriety. This time, though, it'll have to be different and you'll have to find out exactly how. A bit of an adventure, no? Better that the sick lust adventure I could give in to right now if I did'nt have anything to be sober for. Yeah, sobriety is a daily adventure, reality isn't as really as boring as the lu$t industry would have us believe. Hashem has helped bigger losers that you and me get sober and sane, that's for sure!
Then, you'll find some joy in being sober and enthusiasm to continue. You'll have something to be sober FOR, b'ezras Hashem. Hope it was helpful - Dov