the thing is : while i m on shiduch i poshut have no more yetser hora.

That's not because getting married changes anything (which it doesn't), but rather because when you are facing a real live girl for the purpose of marriage, and seeing her as a person, it is much harder to "objectify" her. (If you'd see the same girl on the bus, your addiction would likely go wild).

the thing is : while i m on shiduch i poshut have no more yetser hora.so does it actually have an impact on the addiction or not?
(almost 2 weeks clean already!)

maybe  the fact of being alone entails the addiction?

no.

Well actually it does change things. makes it harder.

Well, being alone does change things, and that's often a part of the issue...but there's the excitement of meeting someone new - when that dies down, things may get harder.

Dont know the answer cause I aint married but 2 weeks clean is phenominal. I'll tell you what I have heard from... well everyone I have posed this question to. GETTING MARRIED DOES NOT HELP THE ADDICTION. AS A MATTER OF FACT IT ONLY HURTS IT. We dont want to drag down another person with us so lets get better before we bring another person into our lives.

-Yiddle

I experienced the exact same thing as you, I felt no lust, and saw her as something I haven't looked at a girl b4 as.... a person. I ended up liking her, not for her looks (although they where passable) but for her person. And for as long as we went out, I had NOT A SINGLE YETZER HARA. For no explainable reason. Mybe, mybe this is what our rebeim intend when they say to get married young.

However, once you break that glass, and enter the cheder yichud, you will come to realise the innability you have to create that bond on a propper level. We are all handicapped here, and even if we can start in a propper mindset, when you will have to connect with your wife on a deep level of kedusha vetahara.... you will not be capable of that. You, and me, aren't capable of that relationship. not untill after we are clean. And then we must teach ourselves to value our wives (future kalah) in such a manner.

you and me man, wez be on de same boat mahn.
You can't expect us to swim all dem wyas from jamaica mahn :D

I merged the duplicate threads, combining their posts.

Ano Nymous wrote on 22 Jan 2010 06:18:
Thanks sealberg!!!

When we find connection, we forget our lust. If you're an addict, though, when your desire for connection is satisfied, you remember lust.

If  you are not really THAT addicted, marriage helps a bit. gives a natural  outlet.  But it doesn't  solve the problem, and can really mess up a marriage if not dealt with. The problem in other words will still be there.

The streak you  are having now is wonderful, but will not last. It is because  you feel connected to someone in a new way, and that is emotionally fulfilling. But that feeling does not stay through marriage unless there is hard work, and that work involves being a mentch, which the 12 steps are all about.

k

marriage ABSOLUTELY changes things.

now before everyone jumps one me let me explain.

although marriage doesn't HELP fight the addiction, that wasn't the question. The question was does it CHANGE anything. and by all mean it does. its a different battle. not necessarily easier, but different.

alot of the things you think when  your single will be gone and you'll have different thoughts to battle.

the answer is not will it be easier or harder the answer is DIFFERENT!!

gee thanx

That may have been the direct answer to the wording of the question, but that's not what he was asking. Yes it's different because instead of finding his lust in-front of a computer, he will find it in his 'private moments'.

Being a bachur with lust addiction is probably better than a married man with lust addiciton. SO marriadge is a change for the worse. Yes it's different, and in a bad way!

WHat do you say married ppls am I right? am I??

This is true mainly because it implies that the guy is at a later stage in his life while still completely submerged in the tzoyah.
The following is just my opinion, based on my experience.

The habit changes after marriage, and starts affecting you in a much deeper and more serious way. What you see stays with you much longer, and it affects the rest of your life much more. For some reason you feel like much more of a walking contradiction/hypocrite/chillul H-shem than you did when you were a bochur doing the same exact things.

HOWEVER

I must mention that it's easier to recognize the need to get help - after your married, and therefore in a way easier to break free.