im trying to help a bouchor whos having issues with "wanting" other boys in his yeshiva.

i know there are past post on this but i cant seem to locate them. if anyone can help me find them i would be awesome.

also any words of advice will also help.

I dont know where this thread si and I dont even remember it but I wish you much hatzlocha with this issue. Please be carefull because you treading into dangerous and unknown waters.

-Yiddle

He probably shouldn't be in yeshiva if that's the case.

Just throwing it out there but you wouldn't for instance, admit a girl in to a yeshiva for that very reason or vice versa.

I hope he gets the help he needs but I'm just not sure it should be in the yeshiva environment.

Halevi wrote on 17 Jan 2010 02:28:


Whoa! Can you you please explain that? Why should he not be in a Yeshiva environment again???

-Yiddle

And this is is why coed education is superior to single-sex education......

BruceWayne wrote on 17 Jan 2010 03:31:


Why is that?

I just wanted to stir things up a bit. Had to fill in for Rage.

Relax.

BruceWayne wrote on 17 Jan 2010 03:43:


Ok ok ill allow it until Rage steps in...

Yiddle2 wrote on 17 Jan 2010 02:43:

Because he's attracted to guys? As long as he is around a bunch of guys, living in yeshiva dorms, there is the possibility that something can happen. And even if it doesn't, that's a pretty big distraction/temptation for him. If you've ever been to yeshiva, you'll know that guys are pretty care-free when living around each other...

Furthermore, that's not really fair to the other guys in yeshiva - especially those who live with him and may not be aware of his sexual orientation.

Apart from the fact it's more likely to be a one-sided affair in this situation, it's pretty much comparable to living with someone of the opposite gender which I'm sure you wouldn't advocate.

Halevi wrote on 17 Jan 2010 04:51:


Agreed that there is a "possibilty" of something happening, but as long as he knows that it is wrong and feels that he can control his sexual desires then I see no issue with him staying in Yeshiva. Where should he go? To an all girls seminary? You may be mixing lust addict with same sex attraction. If a lust addict was in a coed college with coed dorms, I would tell him get out because you cant control your sexual desires, but a SSA person who can control his desires but just has these feelings inside AND KNOWS THEY ARE WRONG should stay in Yeshiva and take care of his issue. He should go to a Rav that he feels comfortable with and discuss it with him.

-Yiddle

fightingyid wrote on 17 Jan 2010 01:37:


Lots of great links, articles and advice to be found on this page for SSA.

Guys, you need to start getting familiar with the links on our website. I won't be around forever, you know 

guardureyes wrote on 17 Jan 2010 15:06:

Older than 10 and less than 90

Less than 90? Judging by your wisdom, I was going to go with the 300-400 year-old range...

This is a tough issue in general. I'd say that one important thing is to let him know that you care about him despite this issue, and that you respect his struggle and his efforts. This is especially important since he knows that most people would be horrified if they knew, which has got to hurt his self-esteem.

Another issue which is important to consider is the fact that most people with homosexual desires are bi-sexual, at least to some degree - in other words, they can desire women, too. This might be the case here - but right now, he's likely feeling lots of guilt and worry about his desires for men, so it's hard for him to fully sort out all his feelings.

As far as leaving yeshiva, and/or being in a co-ed environment...I'm not sure how that would help - he'd still be around lots of guys anyway.

kol hakavod to both of you, and I hope that both of you realize how much pleasure hashem gets from seeing you work together!

fightingyid wrote on 17 Jan 2010 01:37:
Check out this thread rehab-my-site.com/guardureyes/forum/index.php?topic=1415.0
It seems the majority felt that if the problem is present enough that it creates a constant distraction, it is better, safer and more productive for the boy (and rest of yeshiva) if he leaves the yeshiva and finds an environment more suited for his problem.