It is with sadness that I inform yo that I lost the battle on Sunday night. After valiantly fighting the yetzer for 31 days I gave in and fell. The fall continued through last night. Without going into too much detail, I have fallen all the way down to where I was 4 months ago before I discovered GUE.
Today I am dusting myself off and re-enteringthe battlefield. I will still have to look myself in the mirror and come to terms with my failiure but I will not let it stop my quest to get well and start fighting this disease. I will also be going back to the SLA group today.
I hope to be able to post 3 clean days erev Shabbos Kodesh!

dearest poshut
I think you should not focus on the "aich naflu" try to focus on the "giborim".I once heard from a tzaddik that a person has to tell himself If I did it once I can do it again. all the menuval wants to dis tell you that you really are not a"gibor"
About a month ago I could not go an hour without feeding my addiction.So remember you are a "gibor" Y'H will be shocked  that you are back in the rink and your punches will be flying fast and furious.You will be relentless.
Fight a good fight dont look at the fall look at the big "gibbor" who is on Y"Hs wheaties box who Y"H thinks of as apotential threat.You will win.But YOU NEED TO BE IN IT TO WIN IT!!!

GO GIBOR I"M CHEERING FOR YOU

bardichev

Pick yourself up, dust yourself off be proud of accomplishing 31 days clean and aspire for greatness.

We are so impressed with the tremendous vigor that you are re-entering the battlefield with.

Wow!

Indeed you are a Gibor!

By virtue of the fact that you didn't just give up and walk away from the battle, you proved your true inner strength!

Stay strong my dear brother....Sheva Yipol Tzadik V'Kam!

You got up! You are a Tzadik!!!!

Chazak V'Ematz!

I recently discovered from a 27 year sober veteran of this disease that going into detail about what we've done is one of the ways to get out the shame, guilt and remorse and move on.  Not necessarily on this forum, but in a SLA group or with a sponsor.

We all slip, keep the battle strong and you'll get well.

Elya

To share with you a powerful torah I heard as a bachur.

It says in perkei avos that one of the miracles in the beis hamikdash is that the kohen gadol did not have a nocturnal emission within seven days of his yom kippur service. One rabbi asked the question, what is such a big miracle, many people go long times without such an incident. This rabbi explains that when it comes to this issue, the fear of it happening causes it to happen. Since the Kohen Gadol is so scared of this happening is becomes a miracle that it does not happen.

hopes this helps.

What you just wrote, reminds me of today's Chizuk e-mail exactly!! Do you get the Chizuk e-mails, perfectnose? Sign up here.

You can see today's Chizuk e-mail on this page - #480 (scroll down).

Just read it and signed up. Thank you.

Poshut

I relate to how you are feeling.  For the past few months I have never managed to put together more than 2 weeks at the most. You wrote that you fought the YH for 31 days, recently I have changed tactics I cannot fight the YH he is far too strong for me.  Every time I get the craving to surf I call a member of my fellowship and tell him of my struggles this really helps, I also daven to Hashem and say "Hashem take this garbage out of my head, I do not want this, it is too powerfull for me, please keep me sober". I have found that the tools of making phone calls and simple tefillah really help.

I also have to constantly remind myself that I am a sick person, and I am trying to get better, my YH wants me to think that I am a bad person trying to do good, this only feeds the self loathing and keeps me in the cycle of addiction.  My recovery is only one day at a time and today I want to stay clean and sober no matter what!!

Thank you for sharing you have given me a chizuk, in helping me fight my own battles.

London

Please remember the difference between the tzadik and Radha a tzadik will fall three steps back and go up two while a Radha only goes up one be strong and go up two. 

Falling back is to be expected or we wouldn't need this site with much needed helpful Chizuk it keeps on giving.

I think that if you know that the chances of falling back are big going into the fight, you will have the strength needed to hold up & if you do Chaas V'Sholem fall you will have an easier time getting back on your feet.

By thinking that you are never going back & will never fall again, as much as you feel at that point you can really do it, will only make it harder for you to get back up again.

Bardichev,

I love your uplifting style of replying to peoples issues. you really do seem to be usually happy the way you approach the problems, with that Azes D'Kedishe in the background.

You have a great non depressing attitude which should be helpful toward getting out of your own struggles.

Keep on replying & helping out others with your healthy attitude for its not only helpful for them but also for others reading up on it while dealing with the same problems.

Ashrecha Yisroel
Hashem Is Proud Of Us

Dearest Tzaddik Efshar Letaken

Thank you for the compliment. I am really trying hard to keep myself both to be good and to be happy.

We on these forums are all  trying to reach one goal to break an addiction.
Doing that requires work. Work is hard but work is rewarding. If it was easy to break any Midddah or any negative behavoir pattern by just making up your mind and POOF!! I"M a new person if it was that easy we wouldn't be here.
On the other hand every day we grow every challenge we overcme every time we look away from the pretty woman every time we don’t SURF the net  every time we overcome an urge just to take one peek. All those victories build you elevate you they give you strength.

They also give you SIYATTA DISHMAYA. ILMALIE HAKODOSH BORUCH HU OZRO LO YOCHOL LO.
The greatest bracha in the world is SIYATTA DISHMAYA.You need HASEM to get you through the day.Daven to him do something for him in a positive way and you can say TATTE! I’m becoming better stronger closer to you please remove the stumbling blocks that I can get closer and closer.

The glue that binds is called AHAVA the attraction is called CHESHEK. BUILD UP YOUR CHESHEK IN AVODAS HASHEM you wont have room for other CHESHEK

KEEP FIGHTING THE FIGHT Y"H IS RUNNING FOR THE DOOR!!!

humble and happy
bardichev