I'm on day 17 now bh, thanks to everyone's feedback. Thank you. Some moments are difficult and if not for my work filters things could have been worse, showing me that  it's far from certain that if I'm faced with a real test that I would pass so  I have to keep on building my internal world in order to be ready so I'm going to read a bit of TBOTG now. Hatzlocho to everyone.

I'm barely on 19 days now but I came very close today to an actual fall. I've just reread BenHashemBh's post from 23rd July. I need to internalize it more. I'm  also going to do black box thinking, I seem to lose my clarity just from surfing very basic news! I want to change but this thing inside me wont disappear and I have no way to channel it directly. Thank you again for everyone's support that's keeping me going/trying.
Hatzlocho to everyone out there, and hoping to share better news.

BenHashemBH wrote on 23 Jul 2025 12:58:

I'm coming back to this post again and again because I feel it's so fundamental and it is exactly what I need to overcome in the place that I'm holding. It also occurred to me recently (based on Sefer Nidchei Yisroel) that this is what the 1st perek in Tehillim is praising;  those who avoid following reshoim so that they shouldn't end up standing with them so that they shouldn't end up sitting with them. Things which by themselves are technically permitted but should be clearly wrong because of where they lead. However, although this is clear t me now, I still keep stumbling into this. How do I maintain this clarity continuously?

Thank you again for everyone's chizzuk!

Shalom Brother Pomegranate,

You might need to accept some hard restirctions, that at least right now, the news is not something that you should check. If you have checked out the 3 Circles article from GYE, this would be a yellow circle for you if it has potential and history of leading to red circle behaviors (the ones you absolutely do not want to do). Mapping out the cause and effect might help it connect mentally that the yellow circles require caution and avoidance whenever possible. Basically, not checking the news if there are pictures or topics that trigger urges, or at least create a scenario for checking the news where the pictures are blocked and maybe only during the day, in public space / with another person so you don't have the ability to immediately segway into worse things. 

The more you contemplate and internalize what is clear to you outside the makom nisayon, the easier it will be to summon those defenses if you need them. Associating a positive image with your positive thinking can help to more easily clear your mind (a Rabbi or religious item of significance perhaps).

An exit strategy might be a good thing to rehearse as well. If I am taking precautions and still I start to feel like it's going south, what will I do? Stab the power button while saying "nope, that's not what I want". Separate from the device, leave the room and maybe walk outside for 5 minutes, or get a drink of water and start a different activity. Practice this mentally and physically. These kinds of choices can have a major impact on how we feel about our control and ability to choose what we really want, even when we have conflicting desires. Recognize the rationalizations and pull the curtains wide open. 

Hatzlacha!

Thank you for taking the time to write this, it feels really practical. I'm hoping to spend some time on this.
Best wishes.