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A platform of recovery for Jews who find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, masturbation or other sexual problems. Post anonymously about your struggles without fear of anyone finding out who you are. Ask questions, post answers and be inspired! Get tips and guidance from the experts who moderate this forum, as well as from fellow strugglers.
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comments 02 Oct 2008 12:31 #437

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Just a few thoughts/ comments:

I seem to have stopped whatever I was doing soon after finding this site.

I'm not sure why, but one reason probably was, seriously, because I would rather stop than have to go to  those meetings. That may have been the last straw, together with what I know it says in chazal and sforim about these matters. Or it may have been enough of a reason by itself.

I seem to be saying to myself that  I AM BETTER than being a person who cannot control himself from doing such a horrible aveiroh. This is probably pure gai'vah, but appropriate for something like this.

I am taking the approach, more or less, that instead of fearing that I WILL DO such things, that I WILL NOT. However, based on how I understand some things that R. Twerski has written, I realize that I better be careful.....

I can't help thinking that there must have been millions of people that did these things in preivious generations and eventually stopped using other methods than the 12 steps. If they could stop, so can I/we. However, anyone who is not stopping, including me, would have to fall back on those (twelve steps etc.) methods.

Edit:

After reading the replies to this post I would like to add;

1. There are very good points that were made.

2. However, the question that I have is - weren't there probably many if not most people who were nichshol in chatas neurim and then stopped? That is why it is called chatas NEURIM. And, if so, did not at least most or at the very least a good deal of them stop at some point?

It may be wise for many or at least some indivduals to recognize that they indeed have the ability to stop immediately and finally without 12 steps or similar long-term solutions.
Last Edit: 16 Oct 2008 07:03 by .

Re: comments 02 Oct 2008 13:26 #442

  • Mevakesh Hashem
Dear UTS (Unable To Sin?)

Keep up the good work! Different things work for different people, and it's important  to be honest with yourself and do what works for you best!

Gmar Chasima Tova! Chazak V'Ematz!
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Re: comments 02 Oct 2008 14:11 #445

  • MW
UTS, it's something I have been trying to figure out for a long time, what happened to all those addicts before the 12 step program was created.  On the same note how did people tackle their depression, bipolar disorder, OCD, ADD, and any of the other dozens of disorders diagnosed today (gender identity disorder (it’s real, Google it), Mixed-Receptive-Expressive Language Disorder etc.) before today’s new wave of psychology began diagnosing and treating all these disorders.  I think people in the good old days were able to take pain and accept inconvenience much more then this generation and thus were able to face their problems without “acting out” or getting “depressed”.  We all know that one of the major components of any addiction is the addict running away from his problems and acting out with temporary pleasure; in the olden days people were able to face their problems.  What do you guys think?
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Re: comments 02 Oct 2008 17:14 #450

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One possibility is that in the olden days, people were often depressed, messed up, sick, and died young. But we just don't know about it because we weren't there  ;D

Another possibility is, that it is precisely the huge changes in mankind today that bring about these problems in much stronger ways, just like all the pollution in the air is causing the global warming, so too the "pollution" in the media and sewage entering into each home today is causing major problems... People become selfish, small minded, pleasure seekers who affect their kids in turn, and so it becomes a global issue. And we in the frum world are not immune.
Webmaster of www.guardyoureyes.org - Maintaining Moral Purity in Today's World. We’re here on a quest ; it’s really all a test. Just do your best and G-d will do the rest.
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Re: comments 05 Oct 2008 07:35 #469

  • me
UTS,

  We cannot compare ourselves to the previous generations. For example:
    I remember seeing in a sefer by Rav. S. Brevdah, In the previous generations, just 150 years ago, when Elul came in, you could actually see it on peoples faces. What Elul meant to them, i.e the ability to be able to completely grasp it's essence, this is something that we have lost....yeridos hadoros.  Their level of yiras hashamayim was much much greater than ours. If we had "true" yiras hashamayim, we could never do or even think of doing these things. This is the yirah that they had.
  Now, when you take into account that not only is our yirah hurting, but here with the advent of the internet, absolutely every taivah known to mankind is made available at our fingertips, as well as the fulfillment of these taivos.
  So, the previous generations had greater yirah, and no internet. As the times change, we need to change along with them.  As the disease takes on different attributes, we also must change the "medicine for the disease". Just as certain bacteria develop immunity to antibiotics, we must also change the treatment and medicine for this disease.
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