> Friends... This time it's not a joke at all. I'm not going to play games with you, and I'm not going to dramatize. But I'm no longer in this world... My soul left my body a few hours ago, forever...
> I can't explain to you what I went through in the last few hours... because you will never understand. It's not possible for a living person to understand, and I wish you from the depths of my heart (wait... I don't have a heart anymore, I'm just a soul) – that you never have to go through this. But for me, it seems it was unfortunately destined.
> The hardest part of all was the cries of my little children, and the Kaddish of my children. I thought I was dying again in the coffin when I saw my new son-in-law – whom I barely got to know – help my heartbroken young son say "Yitgadal v'yitkadash sh'meiha rabba..."
> At the eulogies they recited for me, I felt like I was dying for the third time... I was so ashamed... If they only knew the truth about who I was... Maybe they knew but tried to hide it for the sake of the family's honor? Maybe, I don't know.
> I'm standing here now in this desolate world, in this place of emptiness. In the coming minutes, I will be brought before the Heavenly Court, where my entire life will be reviewed... Ouch... I'm crying... I don't know where to turn in shame.
> I don't know if I will be punished... because I did it unintentionally, I can truly swear that I didn't want to end up there, but I was truly in chains. Maybe they will have mercy on my poor soul.
> But maybe they will severely reprimand me for not seeking help... There were times when people who knew about my terrible deeds begged me to immediately enter recovery and seek help, but I didn't think it was for me. I wasn't sure if I could handle it or if it aligned with my beliefs, etc.
> I could have consulted with a religious scholar. And I know very well what the ruling would have been: if I know what is good for me, I should immediately rush to the rooms for the meetings and work on a recovery program for the rest of my life.
> But I was so ashamed...
> But now I'm even more ashamed. I feel so bad for my innocent wife and children.
> Instead, I diligently studied after every failure, something I should have done, and I can't say I regret it, but certainly not instead of recovery... What kind of foolishness did I commit...
> It happened a short time ago, when I was unfortunately infected with the dangerous STD disease in one of the lowest places where my addiction brought me in my life, and it very quickly transformed into AIDS, which, as everyone knows, has no cure, and like a candle, I extinguished.
> I am so relieved that they were able to identify it in time before I transmitted it to my own wife – and killed her, but there was nothing that could be done for me.
> Around my sick bed, the family members discussed that when I die, the story will be that I died of a heart attack... I wish they would tell the truth... At least other people will know, so they don't die the way I died...
> I have nothing more to write. And if I didn't have mercy on the honor of my family and my children, I would have written my name and my father's name here so that if someone is awakened by my words to do what is right to help themselves, they should do it as a favor for my soul... Maybe I will be forgiven more easily that way...
> Wait...
> What are these thousands of angels flying towards me??? Do they mean me? Oh... yes... I hear my name being called.... Oh dear..... Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa... I'm going... Pray for me.........
> I stand here next in line, my story is not much different from my predecessor, but we are very different in age... While he was blessed with some joy in life, I am only in my mid-twenties... I sanctified my dear wife just a few short years ago, I had everything I needed at home, I had everything worth living for, but unfortunately, I let myself be seduced.....
> I can't recover from the strange cries she made at the funeral... She had to be injected several times to calm her down... What will she do alone with the two little babies? Will they be able to grow up normally without a father???
> In my wildest dreams, it never occurred to me that it could happen to me too... It's not that I didn't know that the chance of getting the disease existed... But I knew for a fact from the Google searches I did that it's less than 1% to get it...
> But unfortunately, I was one of the unlucky ones. I lost everything, my chance to live, to have a home, joy, etc., everything that all my friends have with life and lust...
> The most that I mourn is that I also knew very well about recovery... And I had one of my friends with whom I used to jokingly try to drag him there with all our might, but I thought I was too young, and I still had time.
> But I remained young forever...
> Out of great sorrow, I didn't even try to apologize to my closest people, whom I caused so much pain, and left them an open wound for life.
> I am ready for anything, as long as my soul can at least rise to the resurrection of the dead and I don't have to go away forever.
> Dear friends, please don't be angry at my fantasies, because it is unfortunately two true stories that happened only in the past year with two young Hasidic Jewish youths from the most religious neighborhoods in the Haredi community.
> If I could, I would have written more details, but as everyone understands, it's not good, and that's not the goal. But I give you my word that this is true and accurate 100%.
> The two of them, unfortunately, passed away prematurely from the terrible HIV/AIDS disease, which is unfortunately contracted in those kinds of places (and so on).
> Whether the letters they wrote are true, you know the answer yourself, but the story is true, and my opinion, which knows very little, tells me that this is more or less what they would have had to say from that world – from the true world.
> If anyone wants to enjoy the horror, the drama, and further weave what they would have said or thought, it's actually a pity, because only the fear will probably not help anyone and for nothing if you don't do something in practice.
> But know that sex addiction is not a game, and it's not a joke, and it can very quickly lead to such places if it's not taken care of.
> To end on a good note, the נעשכיזער was a good Jew, and Meyer-Zimes is a good dish, and sex addiction is a very bitter disease.
