Well I made it through Elul and almost all of Tishrei BH but unfortunately succumbed . I knew it was going to happen. I davened for chizuk against my yetzer hora and chanted the shma for at least an hour while in bed. To no avail. I succumbed. I guess I should be happy I was able to stop for two month. Important months at that. Just sorry that it didn’t last. I just knew trouble was coming . Part of it surely my own doing since my shmiras anayim was lacking severely in the last two weeks. Not with internet but in staring at comely females. I just can’t stop looking at females. Even in some very holy places I still find myself staring. Obviously that led up to today. But at least I refrained from any actions for two months so there is some hope. I am happy about my success but very very disappointed in my recent failure. I will try to go to the mincha tomorrow and chant the Tikkun which hopefuly help me feel a bit bette about my failure. The yetzer hara is a vile beast that can take control of my mind in ways I cannot even describe. I fight it in many ways on a minutes by minute basis. Oh well. Back on the wagon I go. Hopefully I can resist
