Unfortunately I had a fall on Friday after 17 days clean. It was "soft" sort of material so I tried to convince myself it didn't count as a fall. But I realized self honesty is necessary, so I reset my streak.
Some positives: I didn't let the slip up spiral into a longer pattern of use by using the rationalization "now I may as well continue...". I have gotten much better at that.
What I will do in the future: tighten up filters, and also commit to a wider "buffer zone" - avoid non explicit material that may still be triggering. I have reason to be confident, because I have closed off a different loophole in the past and that actually worked - I no longer am triggered in that way.
Right now I am feeling:
- angry at myself for slipping up
- anxious that I may get hit with a wave of debilitating guilt in the coming days (this has been a pattern in the past)
- proud that I was able to stop myself from going further
- excited to make the changes above and see how much farther they take me
- confident that I am spiraling upwards rather than downwards.
Happy to hear any thoughts from the chevra