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Heip Me Stop
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A platform of recovery for Jews who find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, masturbation or other sexual problems. Post anonymously about your struggles without fear of anyone finding out who you are. Ask questions, post answers and be inspired! Get tips and guidance from the experts who moderate this forum, as well as from fellow strugglers.
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TOPIC: Heip Me Stop 1439 Views

Heip Me Stop 28 Sep 2008 18:55 #407

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Hi. I am new to this site and don't really know how it works.

A couple of days ago, I watched on theyeshivaworld.com, a video about someone who claims that he was niftar and went to the Olom HaEmes. When he came, he was confronted by the Malach HaMaves/Yetzer Hara/Satan, and his army.  The first of many of the soldiers were created by this man's zera l'baltala. They were screaming at him and really embarrassing him.     When watching this video, I got really scared wondering what's going to happen to me when I get up there? (I am not saying his story is real, however it was very emotional and got me thinking...)

I have a few questions:
1. How do I stop doing what I have been doing?
2. What should I do at night? I am not a fast fall-a-sleeper. I can lie in bed for a long period of time before falling a sleep.
3. How do I do teshuva for all of this? I want to get rid of my previous past and start a new life . . . The final day of judgment in Shomayim scares me alot.

I am 20 and live in Brooklyn, NY
Last Edit: 29 Sep 2008 08:20 by .

Re: Heip Me Stop 28 Sep 2008 19:29 #408

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Welcome to the forums!

I am very new here myself, so I hope I don't give any wrong advice!

I have an idea for the second question: I heard once if you do a lot of sport 3 hours before you want to sleep, it will let you fall asleep faster. Doing sport is also generally good in the battles that we fight, and can in itself be a contributing factor (at least for me it is!).

As I have heard somewhere: our bodies are just vehicles for the soul to bring us from A to B. A and B can of course be spiritual levels too, I assume. Thus by doing sport you can perhaps reach a higher spiritual level?

As to the other questions, I'll let them be answered by people who know more than me

/SO
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Re: Heip Me Stop 28 Sep 2008 20:11 #409

  • Elya K
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Please get some counseling immediately.  A certified sex addiction counselor.
go to sash.org to find one in your area.  You can do Teshuva by stopping and asking
Hashem to help you stop.
Former moderator of the Jewish Healing Group phone conference and presently one of the GYE hotline moderators.
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Re: Heip Me Stop 28 Sep 2008 20:29 #410

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Dear Help Me,

We commend you for seeking help while you are still young and unmarried. The gates of Teshuvah are always open, especially at this time of year. A transcript of the video you mentioned is up on our site over here. I will try and give you here some advice and useful links to help get you started on your journey to sexual purity and teshuvah.

The first prerequisite to doing Teshuvah is obviously to stop doing the sins. The Chofetz Chaim says that the essence of doing Teshuvah is to make a careful reckoning of what things brought you to sin, or made it possible for you to sin, and from now on to avoid those things like fire. One who does this is fulfilling the Mitzvah of "doing Teshuvah" properly. So sit down now before Rosh hashana and decide what things lead you to do these sins and resolve to stay far away from the "triggers". If it gets hard, you are making progress! The Sefer Taharas Hakodesh, written by the first Shomer Emunim Rebbi Zatza"l mentions, that the biggest tikkun (rectification) of Teshuvah is the the suffering that one feels when the Yetzer Harah comes to him again, but this time he doesn't listen to him!

Chassidus teaches us that a Jew has to look at the past and future as out of their hands, and to see what you did in the past as what G-d wanted to happen. Strange as it may seem, your sins of the past were G-d's will. Only the present is in our hands. In the present, it is in our hands to decide if we want to change, and do Teshuvah on the past. That means that the situation you are in at this present time, is exactly the situation G-d wants you to deal with. Look at it as if you were born at this moment, with all the past memories already engraved in your head. G-d wants you to deal with this situation, and davka this situation. And this is also a chance for greatness, to be able to serve G-d with joy even though the brain was already influenced by the past. Those who were born with pure minds and never sinned don't have the opportunity for growth that the Ba'al Teshuvah has.

Chaza"l also say that Teshuvah was created even before the world was created, to show us how important it is, and that without it, the world would have no chance to exist. Indeed, Adam, the first man, was shown the power of Teshuvah after he ate from the tree of knowledge, in that he was spared to live for another 970 years. G-d also brought the greatest Tzaddik of all men, David Hamelech, to sin with Bat-Sheva to demonstrate the great power of Teshuvah (See Psalm 52 where Dovid pleads to Hashem to forgive him for this sin), and also to show us that even great men can sin and do Teshuvah.

See also this page for some great links to help you do a better and complete Teshuvah.

I strongly advise you to seek proffesional help, as Elya K mentioned. You may want to talk to Elya, he can really help you get started with recovery. See this page for info on how to call Elya.

I also strongly suggest that you join our Chizuk list and browse through the hundreds of tips and the chizuk e-mails database on our site. If you commit to read a little bit of these things each day, you will start to see real progress.

You have taken the first step, and Hashem will surely help you to purify yourself. Implore Hashem this Rosh Hashana to help you do Teshuvha Be'emes. He hears every true prayer.

Webmaster of www.guardyoureyes.org - Maintaining Moral Purity in Today's World. We’re here on a quest ; it’s really all a test. Just do your best and G-d will do the rest.
Last Edit: 28 Sep 2008 20:34 by .

Re: Heip Me Stop 02 Oct 2008 13:01 #439

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One thing you can do is what I did. I took sleeping pills. The problem is that most general doctors, primary care and internists, do not know as much about these medications as psychiatrists. (I never tried a neurologist.). And even among them, I had problems. But, it may be worth a try. Just tell him that you cannot sleep and that has serious consequences for you. That MAY work, but not all of these want to prescribe sleeping pills at all for long periods of time.

You can point out that there are newer hypnotics (sleeping pills) that have been cleared by the FDA to be used for long periods of time, as well as SSRIs, which are not considered "sleeping pills", and can be taken "forever" that make many people sleepy.

There are many other options as far as meds are concerned.

The first thing that most MDs, who know what they are doing, will probably tell you is to get a good book or expert advice on "sleep hygiene". I did not try much of that, because it was a very serious problem with me; I could not fall asleep and that was driving me crazy. (Exercising about 3 - 4 hours before sleep is one thing that is mentioned in these books, if I remember correctly, and someone else mentioned in his reply to you.)
Last Edit: 02 Oct 2008 13:27 by .

Re: Heip Me Stop 02 Oct 2008 13:05 #440

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There are a lot of good posts replying to the next topic - Rosh Hashonoh etc.. You may find some good help there. I am sure that you will.

Of course, you can explore this whole site. There is so much there.
Last Edit: 02 Oct 2008 13:15 by .
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