Thank you iwannalivereal and thank you ainshumyeiush. I will keep reading the book several times a day. I have connection with real person that I met through SA. Unfortunately, it did not prevent me from acting out in the past and it will not in the future. The only one who can save me is Hashem. But for now, he apparently wants me to learn something that I am not willing to learn. He is being very patient and kind with me. Monday morning acting out is a classic for me. I mentioned Sunday night but Monday morning is also a slippery zone. So I cannot say that I did not know. I knew it was coming but didn't share enough about. I wasnt prepared enough for it. Now that I acted out, I feel like I have nothing to lose to act out again which obviously another lie of the yetser hara. In any event, I will keep sharing my thoughts and my progress. Back to day 1...Thank you for letting me share.

Work on building yourself up and try hard not to dwell on the falls…

Falling in bunches.

I am starting to see a pattern forming in my attempts at stopping. I see that I am going alone ok (some days are harder than others )and something trips me up and I fall. Once the streak is broken (however long or short) I tend to fall again and again. It is almost like I am saying "My streak is over, let's play for awhile and then jump back on". I am not consciously saying that, but that tends to be my response to a fall. 

Have any of you guys experienced that? Any suggestions for jumping back on the train quickly and not let one fall lead to others ? 

Thanks

I cant speak for everyone, but it seems like a common issue. 
you have to catch yourself right away. In a way its harder than fighting the first urge. 
but once you shift your mindset its easier to do. 
reading the battle of the generation is how im going about changing my mindset. So keep reading it and stick around. I have yet to see someone who posts about completely beating this on their first round and never falling again

I relate a lot to what Adam shared. Since my falls yesterday (x2), I am doing better. Yesterday night was really smooth and nice and today is a good start. Hashem gives me some relief but I know that lust will come back quickly and stronger. I have to keep hanging to this thread on a daily basis. I am progressing in reading the book...

A git morgen Mr Benblum,
From your posts, i see that you are a bit of a loss as to what you should do in order to really start growing. 
You seem to be very aware of your weaknesses but you lack the proper framework in your mind to kick yourself out of this rut. 
If I'm correct in my assessment, I would highly recommend the F2F program, it helped me tremendously. I was in the same place for years until i started doing that course. it's much more powerful than a book because it forces you to take it slowly and to think about what you are reading and hearing, you also write down stuff. It's amazing. It will give you deep insight into why we struggle with these things and how to change our thinking patterns. 
I promise you won't regret it. 
If you want to talk more about this or anything else, you can reach out to me directly. 

My advice is to reframe your thinking. Really think about the following questions, and meditate on them. 
1. Do 'I' really want to continue doing this? (Porn, Masturbation, etc.) 
 Yes, I enjoy it, BUT I know its wrong because I'm hurting my wife and kids and because Hashem doesn't want me to do it since he knows how much damage this behavior causes to our souls and the world. So a bigger part of me doesn't want to continue, otherwise, i wouldnt be here.
2. If "I" know already that "I" dont want to continue, Am I willing to do whatever it takes to win? and by winning I mean to never give up? 
3. Now that I am already in this war and won some significant battles, now I lost one battle, why in the world wold I want to give in willingly now and just give myself to the enemy? This is war! You want to fight! you need to fight! so you lost one battle, so what? the war is not over until I win, so you can't and you don't want to raise the white flag ever! 

My point is that some of us go into this without fully thinking this thru and we get scared away by the first or hundred fall, like this is some trophy and if we can get to 1,000,000 days at the first try that we would rather hve fun..... but if you really think into why we are in this fight, and you come to the realization that this is more important that anything else and every win is tremendously important and every fall is not something we want, than its becomes easier. 

Good luck. 

I agree, the more. I'm on here, the better I feel.... I am so glad that I stopped just reading and started posting. Now they can't shut me up!! LOL

The F2F program is great and I am getting a lot out of it 

Hello All, acted out again last night All my good intentions, my good resolutions are worthless again. I try not to beat myself up but I would like so much to see progress and result and I don't honestly. I have to keep reading the book and keep sharing...

I wouldn't say worthless. But i know how it feels. It sucks. But its trial and error to find the strategies and tools that work for you. (see the Churchill quote in my signature)

it is frustrating. try to count the wins instead of focusing on the fails. also, watch today's vayimaen video regarding not setting your expectations to high....

Vehkam wrote on 26 Oct 2023 17:52:

I always struggled with the idea of counting wins in areas of "Sur Mera".
What am I counting?
A day without acting out? So, if I'm clean for 23 hours and 15 minutes and act out for 45 minutes (yeah, what?), is that considered a pass or fail?
Is it every time I say no to an urge? That'll be a full-time job.
I need a secretary.
Hold on, that might make things worse.

there is a very simple answer to your question. it is actually a gemara in kiddushin,daf 39b-40a. if someone is challenged with an urge to an aveira and he controls himself, he is rewarded for every urge like someone who does a mitzvah. see the battle of the generation chapter 25.

Sober today, back on track. But tomorrow is another day. Thank you for all your comments.
ainshumyeiush: Great quote from Churchull
Vehkam: where do I find the vayimaen video regarding not setting your expectations to high?

Who could tell me more about the F2F program?

I have to keep reading the book

What do you want to know about the f2f program? Im doing it right now