I think this discussion merits a new topic.All thoughts are encouraged.

Rage ATM wrote on 30 Dec 2009 03:02:

Momo wrote on 30 Dec 2009 06:00:

Uri your simply carzy! :D :D :D :D :D :D

I also had/have an obsession with a specific girl.
Hashem gave me help that I didn't run into her for 6 months even though we were pretty much in the same area (for a while on the same street!).
Finally I ran into her (with a boy of course).
I dropped a four letter word and started running.My heart was beating so madly I thought I was gonna have a heart attack.
I called Rav Shlachter and he asked me as follows:
Let's be honest.Is this girl as amazing and unique as you portray her?Is there no girl in the world better than her?
I was like:ye...no.No.
So he explained as follows:
Understand that it's not her that causes the obsession.It's your need for someone and she filled that need at a certain point.Really there are a million girls even better than her,but I see her as shayach.Really all girls are shayach (im quite good looking),but im just in the desperation mode.
So let go of these girls.It's not them.It's our need.Understand it.Accept it.And let go.

ok. my point is. he was probably the only one that rlly understood me, i loved chatting with him. waited for that... what is so wrong about that???

theOne wrote on 30 Dec 2009 20:57:
Well now you have so many more people who REALLY understand you.

is there some history to this thread? I can't make heads or tails about what everyone is talking about here!  :-[

im not sure if it was. donno. can be. but i miss him. and i hate myself for that  :'(

it's totally normal to miss him. he was a comfort to you and understood you, right?
wrong.
you did not feel comforted and good. instead you felt guilty and sad that you were lusting. yes?

Rage ATM wrote on 30 Dec 2009 03:02:


sorry to drag this out of the old thread, and I'm not saying this in a judgmental way at all, I just want to understand

U still use her as your password for every site you have? No wonder why you still miss her! You think about her every day, every time you sign into any site? I never allow anything from any of the hers in my life to be anywhere near my consciousness and for the most part I don't think about them.....

why do you torture yourself so?

Bad? Who knows?

Here's the question you need to ask yourself...would you be happier if you let go of her an totally moved on? Would you be happier with the kind of person you are?

I think I can understand - there was a girl I was involved with for a while, although we finally stopped a while ago. I said goodbye to her fairly recently, just to really close the book. And in all honesty, she was incredible - not just beauty-wise, but incredibly smart, funny, caring, etc. For specific reasons, it wouldn't have worked out as a shidduch, but if I thought it would have had a chance, I'd probably be married now.

And I miss...yeah, I guess the way being with her made me feel. She had an ability to make me feel special, wanted, understood.

But I still know that moving on was a good move (a move she supported me in, knowing how good it was for me), and that helps me walk taller, feel a weight lifted off my shoulder, and move forward, even if I still miss her a bit.

finally someone that gets me. i cant say that i loved the guy with whom i chatted, but i liked him A LOT. and i also think it was the right move, that i stopped chatting with him. but sometimes i miss him SO  BADLY- like two days ago. UNBEARABLE!!!! and in such moments i dnt know what i should tell my YH. coz he says: u missing him. AND ITS TRUE... any advise??? for the next time- which i hope wont come...

Again, it might help to realize that what you're missing is the feeling he gave you. But ultimately, it's true - you miss him.

Let me ask YOU a question - what would you say if a friend came over and told you, "Look, I'm a heroine addict. And I really, really miss the feeling that heroine gives me! I know it's not good for me, but i really want to do it!"

What would you tell her?

id tell her thats its dangerous and that SHE CANT TAKE IT. but i wouldnt have an answer for: ok hold me back then coz im too shvach, i feel sooo bad. what shud i do????