Sounds like something you should talk to a therapist about.

If every Tuesday I attend therapy. but it is not alone, there are more people with different problems. I am not able to say it in public.

Maybe you can try speaking to the therapist in private after the session, or try going private therapy,
 Wishing you all the best, & hopping you get help.

Thanks bro!

I also fantasized over my mother. And I think it's quite common (at least 50% probably have had these feelings) but most people are just too embarrassed to admit it. Also, mothers of friends of mine were more common targets for me - But I kept them secret in my heart and of course the problem just got worse and worse because I had nobody real in my life to admit these things to. bH You have a therapist to talk with and, as was suggested by some good person here, that's what you need to do. You need to care about yourself and take care of yourself. The shame is the problem here, not the desire. Please consider that. It's a fact and it's something most of us forget, ignore, and deny. And it is incredibly rampant, this shame. The shame is probably actually much worse than desires... 

Now, there is a big difference between what it sounds you're talking about and taking the next step of getting sexual with one's mother. If you are already doing some things like that and pushing some physical boundaries with your mother, all the more reason for you to open up with your therapist. Still, shame is a bigger problem than the desires themselves and that's important to recognize. So instead of working on trying to stop desiring your mother's image and fantasizing, how about working on the shame instead? It will pay off quicker and solve your problem, I bet. Experience teaches us this. 
For most of us there is obviously a natural disinterest in close relatives such as sisters, mother's, etc. Cousins are of course very different and non-relatives like sisters-in-law, are typically completely opposite.  This is of course why yichud and touch is fine with a mother or even a sister.

It makes sense that you are very embarrassed over feeling like you are an exception to a rule. It would obviously make you feel very abnormal, to have some fantasizing and attraction around your very own mother. But we know that this is actually extremely common. The sooner you admit this openly to your therapist, the sooner it'll probably go away. The longer you keep it a secret the longer your shame will build and it will literally provide energy to the thing that is bothering you that you are so ashamed about. So I hope you figure out how to open up to your therapist about it (and other embarrassing things that are powered by your shame) before you end up having to open up to people who are far more embarrassing after getting caught doing inappropriate things with other people as a result of all this shame.

Hi,
I second Dov, TBH I don't understand how some people don't fantasise their relatives when they are very beautiful. I personally fantasised as well about my mother at stages. I have been inappropriate with my sisters at times out of curiosity of the female body. Thank you for sharing your situation and I agree this is a safe platform.
Thank you for sharing.

Misgaber96 wrote on 20 Apr 2023 05:55:

I also had a tekufah where I had a crush on my sister and was fantasizing abt her and trying to look at her.

​When I felt like I wanted to bring it up to my therapist, I told him that I have something important and embarrassing to tell him. He realized it was abt something sexual, so he said why don't you write it down and I will read it and then we will discuss it. It was so much easier having him read it than having to tell him. 

tikkunhabrit wrote on 20 Apr 2023 19:34:

Hi, 
It is well known that people have all kinds of fantasies. I know if I am in a desperately needy place even my own relatives may be on the spectrum, this is the YH taking advantage of us. So far what has helped me is being vulnerable and sharing the darkest places bringing it to the light ultimately helping the obsession. We are here to share our experiences and be vulnerable. 

Maybe you are upset about something in your life, maybe you have some lusts that you would like to share with us today.

Just to share, I have a brother that is acting selfish. He doesn't speak to us he just criticises us. Last night he was criticising my mother about something despite her giving up everything for him, food, money and hours of time to give him what he needs and he chose to criticise her. I made the mistake of getting involved and the situation always escalates 10 fold when I get involved. That is exactly what happened. I told him off for telling us off etc... I wrote him a long text explaining how much I love him last night and writing a list of positive qualities that he has.

I don't think he took it too well, I spoke to my sponsor today and I asked him if it would be beneficial to send him a positive text every day. He asked me whether I was doing it for him ore for me. After some working out I figured it was for me. He said to me do whatever you need to do for sobriety and we will get to step 4 later which deals with this. So I am going to hold off from the positive texts for now. I will try to keep my side of the street clean these next 24 hours. Hopefully things will settle. My responsibility is me and only me, me and my actions.

All the best,

tikkunhabrit wrote on 20 Apr 2023 19:34:

I can’t answer that for you. I don’t think anything is “Wrong” with someone if they are being sincere. 

I’m see someone, Mr. Tikkun (Sarcastically) offer a (very qualified) “Eitzah to jump in a lake. Wherein you questioned his sanity. Buddy, you entered someone’s safe space, when they are being vulnerable. 

Look into your own life and what lead you to say this. How do you treat the people in your life. 

Sorry if I’m harsh. But everyone deserves to feel heard and not judged here.

Misgaber96 wrote on 21 Apr 2023 05:09:

Since you’re a program guy I’ll respond accordingly with Step 4 in mind. 
 Step 8-9 Was this an Amend ? Or just you feeling less guilty. Although it is still nice to send a nice to text to someone. 


If you share this you’re probably gonna get a Coda remark after the closing. 


I’m not a fan of making things that really don’t affect sobriety an issue (yeah I know, it’s debateable) 


People often mistake this as an excuse to be “Sobriety Selfish” It means to take a step back and do the right by not getting involved. 

Disclaimer: All of the above has been my experience.

I can tell which fellowships you’re part of How Wel did I do. 

Thank you for your breakdown, I think you are correct... I am tired now maybe I will have a better look and think soon

Thanks , thanks , thanks

This IS a safe space. I have also had similar issues and have opened up to some people, mostly therapists about them. I was never told I am crazy. I appreciate your courage in sharing this. It made me feel better