Welcome, Guest

I'm single in shidduchim...
(0 viewing) 
A platform of recovery for Jews who find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, masturbation or other sexual problems. Post anonymously about your struggles without fear of anyone finding out who you are. Ask questions, post answers and be inspired! Get tips and guidance from the experts who moderate this forum, as well as from fellow strugglers.
  • Page:
  • 1

TOPIC: I'm single in shidduchim... 69 Views

I'm single in shidduchim... 17 Mar 2023 21:34 #393487

  • 1084
  • Junior Boarder
  • Posts: 35
  • Karma: 0

Hi, I wanted to share something that was bothering me:

First, as an introduction - I’m single, 32 (in shidduchim), I would probably classify myself in the “prevention” stage as BH I never really had a nisoyon with P - not to say that Shmiras einayim isn’t a struggle, it just never got to that point… with good filters, gedarim, a lot of vigilance and a lot of S”D.

Although M is a nisayon, I don’t know if and how I would classify it as an “addiction”. until I was introduced to GYE, my average was 3-4 times a week, give or take, sometimes better and sometimes worse. Most of the nisayon was limited to before I went to sleep. The nisayon rarely affected me at other times.

The thing that bothers me is that being single, In shidduchim, I’m craving intimacy and a healthy intimate relationship - even though P isn’t a nisayon, but turning away in the street or wherever can feel like murder sometimes. I usually do overcome the nisayon - but it can really hurt. The pain is the feeling of being deprived, of not having pas bisalo and not having any means or expression in this inyan in a healthy and permitted way.

(As a side note I’ll add… a few years ago I started a shmiras Einayim project with myself, that every time I turn away I give myself a little “check” and keep track in a notebook how many times each day I was omed binasayon. So far it’s been 5+ years and I have accumulated over 20,000 ✔︎’s… If you do the math it’s about 10 a day)

One of the pieces of chizuk I use to try to strengthen myself is a piece from the steipler:

“כי כל ההנאות שהאדם נמנע מהם מפני כבוד שמים משתלם לו ממקום אחר בהיתר בהמשך הזמן.“

That any forbidden pleasure a person gives up for the sake of Hashem, he will end up getting back that very same pleasure in a permissible manner over time.

My question to my fellow GYE members, can anyone say from personal experience that this is indeed true?

Because I’m still single and I don’t have pas bisalo, each nisayon can feel unbearable at times…

I wanna feel like all the mesirus nefesh I’m putting in is gonna pay significant and substantial dividends in the end… but sometimes I doubt how and when that’s gonna happen.

Any chizuk?

Re: I'm single in shidduchim... 19 Mar 2023 16:52 #393527

  • excellence
  • Current streak: 253 days
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 402
  • Karma: 24
It definitely will pay back, however if you enter married life with wrong expectations then it won't.  
  • Page:
  • 1
Time to create page: 0.34 seconds

Are you sure?