Hi, I wanted to share something that was bothering me:

First, as an introduction - I’m single, 32 (in shidduchim), I would probably classify myself in the “prevention” stage as BH I never really had a nisoyon with P - not to say that Shmiras einayim isn’t a struggle, it just never got to that point… with good filters, gedarim, a lot of vigilance and a lot of S”D.

Although M is a nisayon, I don’t know if and how I would classify it as an “addiction”. until I was introduced to GYE, my average was 3-4 times a week, give or take, sometimes better and sometimes worse. Most of the nisayon was limited to before I went to sleep. The nisayon rarely affected me at other times.

The thing that bothers me is that being single, In shidduchim, I’m craving intimacy and a healthy intimate relationship - even though P isn’t a nisayon, but turning away in the street or wherever can feel like murder sometimes. I usually do overcome the nisayon - but it can really hurt. The pain is the feeling of being deprived, of not having pas bisalo and not having any means or expression in this inyan in a healthy and permitted way.

(As a side note I’ll add… a few years ago I started a shmiras Einayim project with myself, that every time I turn away I give myself a little “check” and keep track in a notebook how many times each day I was omed binasayon. So far it’s been 5+ years and I have accumulated over 20,000 ✔︎’s… If you do the math it’s about 10 a day)

One of the pieces of chizuk I use to try to strengthen myself is a piece from the steipler:

“כי כל ההנאות שהאדם נמנע מהם מפני כבוד שמים משתלם לו ממקום אחר בהיתר בהמשך הזמן.“

That any forbidden pleasure a person gives up for the sake of Hashem, he will end up getting back that very same pleasure in a permissible manner over time.

My question to my fellow GYE members, can anyone say from personal experience that this is indeed true?

Because I’m still single and I don’t have pas bisalo, each nisayon can feel unbearable at times…

I wanna feel like all the mesirus nefesh I’m putting in is gonna pay significant and substantial dividends in the end… but sometimes I doubt how and when that’s gonna happen.

Any chizuk?