Hi Everyone, I've had my ups and downs with P&M. At my best, I went more than half a year with neither. At that time, I felt like I would never do it again. Sure, I would have told you "never say never," and all of that good stuff, but deep down, I thought I had done it. That was about a year ago. Over the last year, I've gone on some great streaks, maybe a few months at a time. Now though, I'm in a deep rut and I can't seem to shake it. It has to do with my being injured, so I can't exercise, but that's not an excuse. I desperately want to be there again, and feel strong, feel like I am the master of my urges and have self control.

I'm writing because I am really scared that I no longer have a system that works, and that I never will. I currently work in an office, but will start to work remotely after Pesach. I can't tell you how scared I am about being home all day by myself. Sure, I have filters on my devices, I have webchaver, but there are always ways of seeing arousing things. I'm getting a new work computer. I know I will get a filter for that, but I will be new at the company so I'm not sure who I will have to explain that to, or if I have to explain it at all.

I'm scared about the harmful effects of my falls, such as my tefillos not being answered, and pretty much everything else.

I realize that this sounds a little scattered. That's a reflection of where my thoughts are now.

keep the filters but don't rely on them. work on yourself as much as possible to maintain a good attitude on what you are accomplishing.

I work from home often. Best practice is to never use browsing for boredom. Only search what you need to search. Keep your news sites to a minimum if at all. (personally i have two kosher news sites and i don't go on to any others)

build your system from the ground up by setting your long term goals and filling in the short term manageable goals that will get you there. You need to retrain your brain to understand what you are willing to do and what is off limits.....

hope this helps. good luck
vehkam

hi! Welcome to the family! Here we are brothers, we care about you and we want to hear how things are going. First thing I would say, maybe connect to someone safe, like our friend Vehkam here, for example. Or HHM, you can reach him at michelgelner@gmail.com he has helped hundreds of people, including myself, break free from the bad habits. This fight is tough, so don't go it alone. Hold tight, brother! There are many good things to learn on this site, so stick around, keep posting and sharing your story, and keep trucking!

Thanks for your response. I really liked your practical suggestions about limiting browsing in my free time, and getting news from from sites. 

Can you elaborate on your paragraph: "build your system from the ground up by setting your long term goals and filling in the short term manageable goals that will get you there. You need to retrain your brain to understand what you are willing to do and what is off limits....."

I would love to connect. I am also interested in that book you have below your signature line. At this point I don't have any real connections to anyone from GYE - I'm new. If at all convenient, I'd love some direction.

please email me, vehkam7@gmail.com

i will try to elaborate if i can find the time. for now i would say, try to envision the person that you want to be through and through. then try to plot out different baby steps that will bring you to be that person. The person you want to be, certainly would not entertain looking at certain things. However right now your brain is telling you that it is not so bad.... There are things you can do to develop your sense of self so that your brain learns that you don't do those things any more. This can include reading something motivational every day, davening and other reminders. Also, taking back your time and using it productively and keeping yourself as busy as possible with productive activities....

I don't know if this works for everyone but it worked for me and i was pretty far gone.....

best wishes
vehkam

Hi there,
Well done to all the amazing children of hkbh, fighting and fighting this YH.
reading this forum has really set me thinking.
I have always felt that all the filters are blocking the access but not helping me work on my strategies or conquering this mountain. So when I get thrown into a nisoyon, like a new device it doesn't take long for me to fall.
I really want to work on these ground up strategies and have been struggling for too long!!!
Can you advise where i could get more on this.
thank you