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"Creepy" sexual attractions
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A platform of recovery for Jews who find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, masturbation or other sexual problems. Post anonymously about your struggles without fear of anyone finding out who you are. Ask questions, post answers and be inspired! Get tips and guidance from the experts who moderate this forum, as well as from fellow strugglers.
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TOPIC: "Creepy" sexual attractions 6097 Views

Re: "Creepy" sexual attractions 05 Jan 2023 20:54 #390586

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Well this is a fresh new point. And its a good one! id love to respond.    In general, most people share your viewpoint. That there are 2 types of guys, 1- addicted, 12 steps, etc   2- guys with normal healthy albeit challenging desires.   And then there is also a 3rd group, that is really part of group 1, those who are on on their way to recovery, and realize, they have an underlying trauma, abuse/ other emotional factors that needs healing.



This is the whole premise I'm coming to disrupt. There are no 3 groups. There is 1 group.     All of us act because of underlying reasons. All diagnosis's are caused from underlying reasons. All addictions that send people to 12 steps programs are caused by underlying reasons. 



The underlying reasons are feelings.    Feelings cause guys to act in ways that are addicting. Feelings cause the symptoms that are then diagnosed as "mental illness". And feelings are what cause us to act on our normal sexual desire, even when our cognitive mind doesn't want to.            For some, the underlying feelings are stronger. Like a huge feeling of shame, loneliness, disconnection and fear. For others its feelings that are less strong, like worry, stress and tiredness.  For others its the feelings that are the overwhelming and sad results of trauma, abuse and neglect. For others its our day to day negative feelings.  Addiction isn't the cause of addictions. Nobody downed his first bottle of whiskey because he was addicted to whiskey. Nobody smoked up for the first time because he was addicted to smoking up. So even those in the 12 step programs that are now chemically addicted, the cause of their addiction isn't the addiction.   And this is why we are all in the same group. Because anyone who went through trauma abuse or neglect, have the same cause of their resulting behavioral challenges. Its thier feelings.     



And then the main point of this article. 

Desires cause some behavior, yet desire can be controlled. If there is a reason that someone can't control his desires, then we need to look to the underlying reasons that are making him unable to control his desires. -Feelings.      In summary, all of us have the same struggle. Some of us have another struggle too, a chemical addiction too. -that is why there are the 12 steps.  Some of us have stronger feelings caused by abuse neglect and trauma, making it harder for us to overcome the struggle, because the cause of the struggle is bigger, so the struggle itself is bigger. .....................and some of us don't have a bigger cause or a bigger struggle, but never the less its the same causes -our feelings- and the same struggle -to guardoureyes.  Yes. Some of us have a chemical addiction as well. That doesn't take away the root struggle we all have. It just adds another struggle. 
I'm sick of the Un-scientific approach of today's medical and social environment. 
we will never heal and become a better society unless we realize that all people are addicts. Any thing we do that we aren't interested in is "addiction" and medicine doesn't fix addictions. 

Pain causes addiction and medicine cant fix pain. 

Unless we heal our pain, and become truama conscious so as not to cause others pain, we will never be living in a functioning human society.

Re: "Creepy" sexual attractions 11 Jan 2024 06:48 #406855

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"If you fantasize about CHILDREN of any age, it is not normal and should be taken extremely seriously. Being on GYE is a great start, but you need to get more intensive help right away. "
what do you mean not normal? Is there anyone who would say attraction to ladies isn't normal? If the attraction to kids occurs naturally  then fantasizing about it would be normal.
I agree that it's dangerous but l would call it normal

Re: "Creepy" sexual attractions 11 Jan 2024 12:16 #406862

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Let's not get caught up on language - whether the word normal is appropriate here or not. If someone is strongly attracted to children, he should seek serious help and intervention before chas v'shalom damaging a child.
Feel free to contact me at michelgelner@gmail.com

My threads: Lessons Learned: guardyoureyes.com/forum/20-Important-Threads/335248-Lessons-Learned

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