Hashem give me koach wrote on 02 Mar 2022 00:48:
Hi
Am reaching out because i need some chizuk now, i have a hashkafik question why does a man have a tayva for women, it's just too hard to guard your eyes, stop yourself from watching porn, reading things one shouldn't be, i am on day 27 but i am feeling like i am about to fall badly,i know that Hashem has given me this challenge because he knows i can overcome it, and that he doesn't give someone a nissoyan that he can't overcome, i am just finding it a bit to hard. its seems at times that i just can't do it! i don't know what to do, i try every day to become better and to work on this but i am feelinga bit down now, and i want to know if you have an answer how do i overcome this feeling like the challenge is way out of my league and what's the point and feeling like it's a bit unfair, But CHAS VA SHOLOM NOT FOR A MINUTE , nothing that Hashem does is unfair i have to work on my emuna....Can anyone relate???
What you're writing is very relatable, we're in this boat together as a family.
You asked a very fundamental question: "why does a man have a tayva for women" Chazal teach us in Yoma 69b ,
נבעי רחמי איצרא דעבירה. בעו רחמי ואמסר בידייהו. אמר להו: חזו דאי קטליתו ליה לההוא, כליא עלמא. חבשוהו תלתא יומי, ובעו ביעתא בת יומא בכל ארץ ישראל ולא אשתכח.
After killing the Yetzer Hara for idolatry they tried killing the one for lust. The Yetzer Hara told them that they'll destroy the world by killing it so they held it in jail for three days. After three days they saw that there were no eggs (since all lost their attraction).
An egg could not be found because the yetzer hara – the selfish, sexual, evil impulse that drives us to want to procreate was gone. Without the yetzer hara, the world as we know would cease; people would no longer be driven to build, to create, to have children. So our goal is not to destroy the yetzer hara, but rather to sublimate it to God’s purpose. To achieve our fullest human potential, we need to learn to bend our impulses to godly ends. We should not cease to lust, but should direct that urge toward love. We should turn our impulse toward vengeance into the desire for justice and our ambition for acquiring possessions into the creation of wealth that will help others.
But the truth is that the whole desire is a blown up bubble of hot-air, built around what we see and imagine in our minds. Experience has shown us all, that as soon as we get what we thought we wanted -- what we thought was going to be absolutely incredible (according to what we saw and fantasized), the bubble pops and all that's left is "hot air". We are left shaking our head and not believing that for this we sell our very souls.
The world is full of temptations. If we want to hold on to lust, we will have endless opportunities to continue lusting at every turn. We will be fighting a losing battle of Shemiras Ainayim by constantly trying not to look at things that we do want to look at so badly. Instead, the real trick to success is to learn how to let go of the lusting altogether. Instead of fighting it head-on, we need to simply let go of it.