dear friends, this is Yoish again. I wrote just a few hours ago about a new topic--I figured out how to start it properly now!! I thank you for your assistance in that.  Here's the deal:
I'm 21 years old and in yeshiva. Ever since my puberty I've struggled with same sex attraction----I'm attracted to guys and not girls. I didn't choose to be this way--it just is what it is.  Being in an all male enviroment makes it extremely difficult for me to stay clean from fantasy and masturbation. I live in thw dorm (it's an out of town yeshiva) and good looking guys are around me 24-7  I've been stumbling greatly in this very tough situation, and I'm really up the creek right now. I feel hipocritical in that I ask hashem every morning not to put me in the hands of nisayon----and I'M putting myself in one by being in yeshiva. I seriously began thinking about getting clean and staying sober a couple of weeks ago, but that's been near impossible being that I'm in "the lion's den" of attractive young men whom I can't get away from. I've seeked help and advice from a few proffesionals regarding this matter---but nothing "concrete" has come out of it. I've considered many times to leave yeshiva and go to a more mixed enviroment, but I don't know if such will help.  I'm therefore asking you guys who know quite a bit, to say the least about addiction and sobriey etc. etc. what you think about this.  Thank You, Yoish. L'chaim-To Life!!

Yoish, I admire your honesty in this struggle. In his new book The Eye of the Storm, the esteemed Rosh Yeshiva, Rabbi Aharon Feldman shlit"a describes your predicament:

"The difficulty with which the homosexual finds himself is enormous: he must struggle against a drive which has no permitted outlet. Temptation follows him in every situation. A religious Jew cannot have a social relationship with a female, but at the same time this homosexual Jew cannot have a social relationship with men without being aroused by them. Thus his life consists of constant struggle against his inclinations. Someone who is able to resist these temptations is a tzaddik of the highest order....... The Torah requires us to avoid things that tempt us to the best of our ability. A heterosexual should not seclude himself with a woman or deliberately arouse his drives in any way. Similarly, a homosexual has the same obligation with respect to his own sex; he must avoid any situation or any company which might arouse his drive."

Now I wonder how the Rosh Yeshiva (who just called you a tzaddik by the way) would advise you to handle this because for you avoiding these situations would mean leaving yeshiva- ironically, the place you are supposed to shteig in avodas-Hashem is the very place you're surrounded day and night by good looking dudes.

All I know is that if I was surrounded all day and night by good looking ladies in their late teens or early twenties... and if I lived in a dorm with them... and if I shared a bathroom and shower area with them.... suffice to say that  it would not be a good situation for me, so I can't even imagine what you must go through being immersed in an environment where the object of your desires are ever present, day and night. Don't know how you do it man, but you're amazing for trying. May Hashem give you the siyata dishmaya you need and so richly deserve for your efforts. 

Wish I had good eitzos for you, but all I can say is hatzlacha rabba and your courage in fighting this is remarkable.

P.S. I've never understood how anyone can maintain people "choose" to have this same-sex attraction. Why in the world would someone voluntarily choose something that makes him so different, misunderstood and often hated.

Superyid - I think that different people mean different things by "choosing," but what I've always understood is that while we have desires, we can control what we do about them - and Reb Yoish, this holy jew, is a perfect example of that - controlling himself despite his pain, and looking for ways to control himself even more!

Agreed that we always can choose and control what do about our desires. However, there are those who argue that gay people chose to have these same sex attractions. That's what I think is absurd. I don't think a gay person one day sat down and "chose" to find men attractive anymore than I choose to find women attractive. Neither of us woke up one day and said, "hm, will it be men or will it be women? Let me decide." These are innate taivas and we're not responsible for our taivas, only in our response to them in putting up a fight, turning away from and resisting them.

This is why the Torah has all the numerous sex prohibitions involving heterosexual relationships for heterosexuals and two for homosexual men (with any man and an additional prohibition with one's uncle, Vayikra 18:14).........because the Torah is for human beings of flesh and blood with taivas, not malachim.

In fact, even these labels of heterosexual and homosexual are misleading. Human beings are sexual beings period with all sorts of taivas.

That a man has a natural, non-chosen innate desire for a man is no stira to Torah. Adraba, the Ribbono Shel Oilam made him that way because that same Ribbono Shel Oilam gave that man a commandment in the Torah not to do this and thereby serve Him this way... just like He gave straight men all the arayos commandments to not act on our own taivas either and thereby serve Hashem this way.

Granted, those with exclusively same sex attraction have a much greater nisayon because they have no outlet whatsoever. And with that much greater nisayon comes such greater opportunities for kedusha. Unbelievable!!!!!

Well said, Superyid.

So, Reb Yoish - YOU ROCK!!!

Dear Yoish, Do you know how amazing you are? I have tremendous respect for you, and your attitude towards your problem is perfect. Remember that it is Hashem himself who personally made you like this. For all you know, this is your tafkid in this world - to overcome this problem. I am not qualified to help you, but I was wondering that if you are happy to get married then maybe this would be a first step to help you...

Can I suggest a yeshiva w/ less good looking dudes? Maybe don't live in the dorm but live at home (limits situations..) Maybe try a hardcore chasidish place where they're maybe not so good on hygiene, and have peyos and beards with big glasses, and all wear the same thing... so you're less attracted?

Sorry, I hope I haven't "simplified" a complex situation. But mabye some of my suggestions can help?

Keep up the good work :-)

Dude just the fact that your reaching out for help speaks volumes of your determination. Wishing hatzlacha to another holy brother. Good shabbos. Stick with us , only good could come out of it.

YOISH! Sorry I didn't see this thread... Please check out this page for tons of great links that I'm sure can help.

You CAN be helped. Please don't stay in Yeshivah until you get help - FAST. Don't be afraid to come out of the closet to those who love you. You must tell them and GET HELP. Don't keep it inside.

Are you in Israel? I have the number of someone who helps boys in your situation....

Your situation is a tough one, to say the least. We all feel your pain.

May Hashem be with you.

Reb Yoish, how's everything going?

Hope you have a great shabbos!

Yoish, been thinking about you! Where are ya Reb Yid? Keep on fighting the good fight bro.

YOU ARE SOMEBODY SPECIAL!!!

Yoish, please be in touch with your progress. We are all behind you, and are anxious to hear how things are going.

Feeling for you yoish.

DOnt give up on yourself, and keep trying to find the correct shaliach to help you through this.
You are far from alone, and there is help.

PLease keep us updated so we cheer you along iyH!

Hey Yoish, You are officially the Tzaddik of the forum.
Please keep up with us and let us know how your doing.