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My current GYE journey and struggle
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A platform of recovery for Jews who find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, masturbation or other sexual problems. Post anonymously about your struggles without fear of anyone finding out who you are. Ask questions, post answers and be inspired! Get tips and guidance from the experts who moderate this forum, as well as from fellow strugglers.
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TOPIC: My current GYE journey and struggle 276 Views

My current GYE journey and struggle 11 Oct 2021 03:02 #373145

  • Avrohom
  • Current streak: 62 days
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I'm up to day 10 on the 90 day climb. (you can check out my basic story here in the Introduce Yourself page) For me, when I'm vigilant and inspired (like I am right now) it's fairly easy to get through the day. I haven't had any very strong urges in the last ten days, and I wouldn't be surprised if that continues as long as I'm focused (checking on GYE helps me stay focused). Anyone have suggestions of how to keep the inspiration/vigilance going for the long term?
Also, I've come to realize in the last few days that I've been acting on urges in small ways very often - i.e. many times a day, because my focus hasn't been to stop that and I never really had strategies to deal with them. That's always been the trigger to increase the urges and ultimately cause falls. Perhaps working on that will help a lot more than I had thought.
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Re: My current GYE journey and struggle 12 Oct 2021 01:56 #373192

  • Hurt
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Hi Avrohom, good luck on your new 90 days. I wish lots of success. The only suggestion I have is keep on fighting and stay positive...no matter what has happened nothing can stop you...I was clean for 150 days and then had a few weeks of ups and downs. BH now I'm up to 8 clean...lets hope we both reach 90! u'll be reaching 90 days two days before me...so we got deal?!

I find that as the days go by it gets harder and easier that the same time.

All the best.

Re: My current GYE journey and struggle 12 Oct 2021 04:18 #373200

  • Avrohom
  • Current streak: 62 days
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Sounds good!

Thanks for the Chizuk!

Are you posting your streak number? I don't see it.
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Re: My current GYE journey and struggle 15 Oct 2021 02:27 #373301

  • Hurt
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Yes I am posting my days you should be able to see it.

Re: My current GYE journey and struggle 15 Oct 2021 03:55 #373303

  • Zedj
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Im not seeing your streak..

One who has given up hope is without a G‑d.

One who sees hope in each day is already free

Re: My current GYE journey and struggle 19 Oct 2021 02:28 #373413

  • Hurt
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Hey guys.

now you should be able to see my streak. 

Re: My current GYE journey and struggle 02 Nov 2021 20:14 #373828

  • excellence
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Avrohom wrote on 11 Oct 2021 03:02:
I'm up to day 10 on the 90 day climb. (you can check out my basic story here in the Introduce Yourself page) For me, when I'm vigilant and inspired (like I am right now) it's fairly easy to get through the day. I haven't had any very strong urges in the last ten days, and I wouldn't be surprised if that continues as long as I'm focused (checking on GYE helps me stay focused). Anyone have suggestions of how to keep the inspiration/vigilance going for the long term?
Also, I've come to realize in the last few days that I've been acting on urges in small ways very often - i.e. many times a day, because my focus hasn't been to stop that and I never really had strategies to deal with them. That's always been the trigger to increase the urges and ultimately cause falls. Perhaps working on that will help a lot more than I had thought.

Dear Avrohom, 

If we rely on constantly feeling inspired, it is inevitable that at some point we will fall since none of us are always on a spiritual high!

The way to continue a long streak is to focus on ODAAT. This is not just a sweet idea, it is a tremendous and powerful strategy from Chazal. Forget about the past or future and just focus on overcoming the present.

We also need internal changes, when we focus on what we really want in life it makes easier to overcome urges. Have you looked into SMART?

​What you described above about acting slightly on urges, is extremely normal. The Yetzer hora does this to all of us. The earlier we stop the easier it is. When you experience an urge try view it as something external trying to take you over, but instead just let it pass. Perhaps try to log/write down what happened after an urge to see at what point you held yourself back. Have you seen the urge surfing doc?

There is an unbelievable amount to read here too:
wiki.guardyoureyes.com/Main_Page

Hatzlocho,
Excellence 
"The pain after giving in is so much greater than the pain of not giving in"
You may find some Chizuk here: guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/361746-Striving-for-Excellence

A must read: 

www.guardureyes.com/GUE/PDFs/eBooks/The%20First%20Day%20of%20the%20Rest%20of%20My%20Life.pdf

Last Edit: 02 Nov 2021 20:14 by excellence.

Re: My current GYE journey and struggle 03 Nov 2021 22:00 #373875

  • Avrohom
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excellence wrote on 02 Nov 2021 20:14:

Avrohom wrote on 11 Oct 2021 03:02:
I'm up to day 10 on the 90 day climb. (you can check out my basic story here in the Introduce Yourself page) For me, when I'm vigilant and inspired (like I am right now) it's fairly easy to get through the day. I haven't had any very strong urges in the last ten days, and I wouldn't be surprised if that continues as long as I'm focused (checking on GYE helps me stay focused). Anyone have suggestions of how to keep the inspiration/vigilance going for the long term?
Also, I've come to realize in the last few days that I've been acting on urges in small ways very often - i.e. many times a day, because my focus hasn't been to stop that and I never really had strategies to deal with them. That's always been the trigger to increase the urges and ultimately cause falls. Perhaps working on that will help a lot more than I had thought.

Dear Avrohom, 

If we rely on constantly feeling inspired, it is inevitable that at some point we will fall since none of us are always on a spiritual high!

The way to continue a long streak is to focus on ODAAT. This is not just a sweet idea, it is a tremendous and powerful strategy from Chazal. Forget about the past or future and just focus on overcoming the present.

We also need internal changes, when we focus on what we really want in life it makes easier to overcome urges. Have you looked into SMART?

​What you described above about acting slightly on urges, is extremely normal. The Yetzer hora does this to all of us. The earlier we stop the easier it is. When you experience an urge try view it as something external trying to take you over, but instead just let it pass. Perhaps try to log/write down what happened after an urge to see at what point you held yourself back. Have you seen the urge surfing doc?

There is an unbelievable amount to read here too:
wiki.guardyoureyes.com/Main_Page

Hatzlocho,
Excellence 

Thank you for your insights!

Yes, since joining GYE (about a month ago) I've done a number of the things you mentioned. Probably the most helpful has been, letting urges go, externalizing the urge, and looking to see women as people - not objects to be used. 
I read through a number of the ideas in SMART recovery and did some of the exercises. Aside from dealing with urges - what else of SMART recovery have you found helpful?
Honestly, I do want to continue working through SMART, though it is hard to find the time. Additionally, I haven't really had any major urges or episodes, I think because I've been able to nip them in the bud.
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Re: My current GYE journey and struggle 04 Nov 2021 05:34 #373893

  • excellence
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Avrohom wrote on 03 Nov 2021 22:00:
Thank you for your insights!

Yes, since joining GYE (about a month ago) I've done a number of the things you mentioned. Probably the most helpful has been, letting urges go, externalizing the urge, and looking to see women as people - not objects to be used. 
I read through a number of the ideas in SMART recovery and did some of the exercises. Aside from dealing with urges - what else of SMART recovery have you found helpful?
Honestly, I do want to continue working through SMART, though it is hard to find the time. Additionally, I haven't really had any major urges or episodes, I think because I've been able to nip them in the bud.

I'm trying to work through the SMART handbook. There are lots of other exercises there too, that create internal change.

I'm happy to hear you haven't had major urges recently, but this means that now is the time to work on changing yourself so that when a bigger urge does come you will be more prepared.

Nice to hear from you,
Excellence
"The pain after giving in is so much greater than the pain of not giving in"
You may find some Chizuk here: guardyoureyes.com/forum/1-Break-Free/361746-Striving-for-Excellence

A must read: 

www.guardureyes.com/GUE/PDFs/eBooks/The%20First%20Day%20of%20the%20Rest%20of%20My%20Life.pdf

Re: My current GYE journey and struggle 04 Nov 2021 14:40 #373902

  • DavidT
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Here's an important quote from Member "reallywanttobegood" 

Don't become complacent; "I'm already in a good place I don't need to be vigilant anymore". COMPLACENCY IS THE BEGINNING OF YOUR LAST CLEAN DAY. While this day can sometimes last a while, if we're complacent, it's just a matter of time before we get caught off guard.
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com

Re: My current GYE journey and struggle 07 Nov 2021 04:04 #374005

  • Avrohom
  • Current streak: 62 days
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DavidT wrote on 04 Nov 2021 14:40:
Here's an important quote from Member "reallywanttobegood" 

Don't become complacent; "I'm already in a good place I don't need to be vigilant anymore". COMPLACENCY IS THE BEGINNING OF YOUR LAST CLEAN DAY. While this day can sometimes last a while, if we're complacent, it's just a matter of time before we get caught off guard.

I'm certainly trying not to become complacent. I'm more at the stage of finding a good long-term diet, and figuring out what will work best for me - and that I'll be able to continue to focus on. I'm certainly interested in learning more, and identifying other things that may help. Either way, I did go back this week to check out some more of the SMART ideas.
As always, thank you!
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