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I fell... but I took a big decision!
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A platform of recovery for Jews who find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, masturbation or other sexual problems. Post anonymously about your struggles without fear of anyone finding out who you are. Ask questions, post answers and be inspired! Get tips and guidance from the experts who moderate this forum, as well as from fellow strugglers.
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TOPIC: I fell... but I took a big decision! 125 Views

I fell... but I took a big decision! 05 Oct 2021 13:54 #372954

So... I was in Twitter as part of my work and suddenly it appeared an almost naked girl (it was a video). I fight against my yetzer hara, but it was so strong. This was a girl that "works" for this horrible website called _______ (B¨H I´ve never been there). I entered to the video, and that took me to other accounts and I ended up falling into temptation again.
I was 5 days clean, if we can say it that way. 
I took a big decision... I quite Twitter, and I will only use it in my computer (that I never used it for porn, and I will never do it anyway).

Now what? That´s a real question... now what. 5 days and I fell...
Last Edit: 05 Oct 2021 14:39 by Kedusha. Reason: Mention of specific website

Re: I fell... but I took a big decision! 05 Oct 2021 14:48 #372960

  • DavidT
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It seems like you got a good lesson from the fall and you took positive action because of it to prevent further falls. It that case the fall is actually considered a positive aspect of your recovery efforts.  

If you view your lapse as a mistake and as a product of external triggers, rather than as a personal failure, research shows that you will have a much better chance of return to abstinence quickly. Your lapse becomes a tool to move forward and to strengthen your motivation to change, your identification of triggers and urge-controlling techniques, your rational coping skills, and the lifestyle changes needed to lead a more balanced life.

Does this mean that a person should view these lapses as a good thing? Of course not! Clearly, if one wants to abstain, lapses are not preferred. But by recognizing that mistakes can happen and learning how to quickly right oneself, long-term abstinence can be achieved. Lapses may occur, but relapse is not inevitable.

Now what...?

The Be’er Mayim Chayim says that in the army, when they would want to test a great soldier to see if he's fit to be a general, they would put him on a wild horse that was impossible not be thrown off of. Although no one could stay on that horse, the test was only to see how fast he would get back up after he was brutally thrown down and wounded.

Instead of getting down on ourselves after a fall, let us reflect back on how many times we did manage to say “no” to the Yetzer Hara before he won us over now! Let’s recall the many tens - if not hundreds - of times during the past clean-streak that we didn’t give in to him! We definitely have the upper hand in this war. He is determined to make us feel down so that we should continue to slip. But let us focus on the overall picture. Even though we may have lost a battle now, we are still winning the war. Let’s rejoice about our successes and get right back up for the next round, where B’Ezras Hashem, we will do even better!

"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com

Re: I fell... but I took a big decision! 05 Oct 2021 16:31 #372970

  • withgdthereshope
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eduthewriter wrote on 05 Oct 2021 13:54:
So... I was in Twitter as part of my work and suddenly it appeared an almost naked girl (it was a video). I fight against my yetzer hara, but it was so strong. This was a girl that "works" for this horrible website called _______ (B¨H I´ve never been there). I entered to the video, and that took me to other accounts and I ended up falling into temptation again.
I was 5 days clean, if we can say it that way. 
I took a big decision... I quite Twitter, and I will only use it in my computer (that I never used it for porn, and I will never do it anyway).

Now what? That´s a real question... now what. 5 days and I fell...

Good for you for taking that step.

As David wrote, when lapses cause us to become greater because of the awareness or positive steps it leads to, in many ways it's not a lapse but a stepping stone. This is only true if you use it as that which is what it sounds like you did.

So onwards upwards!
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