I have been clean for over two years, Baruch Hashem. It was rocky, but the last few months I had no real urges at all. Then, a week or so ago, daydreams and fantasies started coming back. I had a slip, but kept going. Then came last night. 
I couldn't fall asleep. I tried whatever I could to keep bad thoughts at bay for hours. I was pulled into a fantasy at one point but, snapped out just as it was building up. I tried to distract myself in different ways, went on on my phone (not the best idea when you cant sleep), found a loophole in the filters, used it for non-shmutz distractions. 
But eventually, I couldn't hold it any longer. What got me was something I had never actually done, a way to view certain content within the rules I set for my worst moments. I couldn't fight it any more at that point, or at least I thought so. My computer has filters and accountability, but I used my parents computer, something I would have never considered two years ago. I had made a neder/knas not to use it for a while, but the time I set in the neder ran out, or at least I thought so. I tried to limit what  I did, but of course it never satisfies like you fantasize it will, and i looked for more and more, just managing to mostly hold back from a  few types of things. I might have have been able to turn it off earlier than I did, then again, maybe I'd just have had another attack of fantasy (daydreams are my worst problem) and acted out worse.
What really gets me is that if I had managed to push it off til morning, I'm pretty sure i could have managed to calm myself and fix things. But i wanted to go to sleep, not keep doing things to push it off, although in the end i was on the computer for hours. Or maybe i couldn't have held off all night, i don't know.
Thinking about why this happened, i had been trying to block mindless entertainment on the internet. This just caused me to feel tense and unfocused after a while. Because of this, and sleeping issues, i haven't been able to focus on learning so much. I do know that if i could have learnt/davened while I was up i wouldn't have fallen.
I tried to replace computer use with exercise hwich might have been a trigger, and started back into my old daydreaming habits. Daydreams are a good way to distract from urges, but somehow some innocent daydreams end up triggering.. 
I don't know what to do now, go back to mindless internet use? I don't want to.
Anyway, writing this has been helpful. Thanks!

I don't have a thread, so i'll just resurrect my old post so ic an let some of this out


Had, if not a fall, at least a regression. a couple days ago a fantasy popped into my head out of nowhere and just would not go whatever i tried. i tried all different tricks that normally work and it kept coming back, and i was getting weaker and weaker.
i happened to have access temporarily to an unfiltered computer, (of course), which hadnt been a temptation until then. When i felt like i couldnt resist the fantasizing (always the worst danger for me) i first tried going onto the entertainment sites i used to go on, but after being away for so long they no longer seemed interesting. mor eon that later.
eventually i went to an old tactic - 'shopping'. going on to a specific site, no images or anything and bookmarking all the pages i would want to come back to.  I didn't see anything, was reading some descriptions and comments at firs tbut then stopped, and didnt have any fantasies or anything. Maybe ti still counts i dont know. definitely not good.


Thing is, seeing the entertainment sites and social media and everything after being away from it- it seemed so.. i dont know, empty? gross? In a way it was worse than the site i went to afterwards. The same sites i used to spend hours on, they're really just empty browsing looking for something halfway amusing to distract me. And none of it is interesting anymore. ANd they're all filled with ideas and mentalities so different form how i normally would feel, the things i consider most important and meaningful and real.

Focusing on that - do I want to be part of this? Do i fit into place here? I'm not even going into the pro-hamas stuff, that's just more of a giluy milsa to everything else.
Even if its something not bad for them- isn't it bad for me? shouldn't i be beyond this, like a child's bad habit? 
ANd yeah, i'm focusing on that instead of the other stuff i went to. easier to handle.

@retrych

I congratulate you on two years clean.
It is an amazing achievement.

Do not let a fall make you feel bad.

It can happen.

Perhaps your sleep issues made you tired and weak and in need of a junk food boost - which you got by looking at the computer?

If you have the same circumstances again - view it as a wonderful opportunity for Teshuva - and next time do not fall.

Instead, open a window for fresh air.
Breath it in.
It helps.

Then read a book - an actual book - not on the computer.
Whether it is a Jewish study or a non-religious book which is "Kosher", it should help calm the mind.