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What is motivating me?
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TOPIC: What is motivating me? 234 Views

What is motivating me? 09 Feb 2021 16:59 #363011

Seriously I'm not actually sure what is motivating me to seek out support....but I've been struggling with motivation to stop my sins....after reading a lot of what is being said on the forum and the emails I have come to a horrifying conclusion. None of this is actually motivating me to stop, even though the temptation isn't that great, I mean if I compair the temptations I have to the urge of hunger for example, there is no comparison, my temptation is nothing it's like a small itch that I could easily ignore.....hears where I have my issue, when I get a pimple on my face I know I shouldn't pop it as it will leave a scar but I want to, but it's like that small itch that I could easily ignore if I wanted to, so I go ahead and pop the pimple......now if someone were to offer me a million dollars, hell, even 500 dollars! I could easily not pop that pimple or give in to my temptations. So knowing how easily I COULD give up giving in, yet I still go ahead and give in anyways should speak wonders to how little my pyschi rather cares or values the cause. I'm not sure how to go forward.....but this might also help in my explanation, I've been comparing my urge to give into my temptations to piping a pimple, yet if I were to compare it to the urge to steal, which I'm sure is a big temptation for everyone when a situation arises, for some reason there is little anyone could do to convince me to go ahead and steal the thing, it just is too clear of a wrong if that makes sense, I'm also hurting a fellow human by doing so, this kind of motivation of not hurting others is why I tend to always strictly follow all the laws in the Torah pertaining to not harming others in some way, but at the same time I have trouble following the laws that are between myself and God such as keeping kosher (I've actually been doing great on this one) and keeping shabbat and davening and making bruchas before eating and all that. I know I'm rambling but if anyone can relate to my current state of mind please share. Thank you
Agent_Carmichael

Re: What is motivating me? 09 Feb 2021 17:08 #363012

  • davidt
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One of the ways to increase motivation is to think about whether our lust related behaviors is an isolated issue or if it actually interferes with many other areas in our life.

If we reach the conclusion that it's part of a much larger issue, then can give us a big motivation boost to go ahead and deal with it.

With exercises like this, there's a big advantage with doing it on paper rather than just in our head. When done on a paper, we can continue where we left off in case we get interrupted, and it can also be referred to in the future if our motivation level drops.

Option 1 - Exploring your roles
  • Step 1 - Make a list of your current roles (e.g. frum yid, father, bochur, husband, rabbi, teacher, lawyer).
  • Step 2 - For each role, list how porn/masturbation (or lust) interferes with that area.


Option 2 - Exploring your values
  • Step 1 - Make a list of your values (e.g. connection to hashem, shalom bayis, learning torah, role model, honesty, building a family, working for a living, happiness, etc.).
  • Step 2 - Narrow down the list to the top 5-10 values (is porn one of them?).
  • Step 3 - For each of each of these top values, list how porn/masturbation (or lust) interferes with that value.


Note: In SMART recovery, there's a similar simplified tool called Hierarchy of Values. You can check it out here: http://www.smartrecoverybc.com/toolchest/HOV.pdf. The ideas I mentioned are based on other sources. 
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com
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