Grant400 wrote on 19 Jan 2021 16:51:
So I thought of an idea. Why don't we all write down as vividly as possible, how we feel when tempted, and how we feel after indulging.
Reading as many people's feelings as possible, can really create a clarity and understanding, with simplicity, about which way is the better one. (Especially when in the throes of desire).
Please, please add your own perspective.
Onset of Urges:
1) I am completely overtaken by the urge. Images and fantasies start to obsessively swirl in my mind. Sometimes for days. Nothing seems more delicious. Nothing seems more pleasurable. Physical feelings follow. The need grows, and grows... I am almost willing to give up everything I hold valuable, for this blissful treasure...
After Indulging:
2) That's what I was obsessing about? Seriously? So overrated! I feel like dirt. My mind is bombarded with everything I've seen. My eyes are in a daze. I feel like a traitor. Davening doesn't work. I wish I can go back in time! Hashem! Get these disgusting stuff out of my head!
Every time I see my wife, I feel like the worst person in the world. Am I really the father of these angelic children? The guilt weighs down so hard, it physically hurts. The pain is so, so much greater than the pleasure I experienced. I can't ever imagine wallowing in filth again.
Takeaway:
3) The desire is far greater than the pleasure. The pain is greater than the pleasure. It's a no brainer. It's simple not worth it.
Looking forward to reading your posts!
Grant
I'll bite.
Onset of Urges:
I am consumed by the desire to look at inappropriate images. I wont act out don't worry I only act out in certain places and I'll do this elsewhere. I... I just want to see how much I can tolerate! Yeah thats it! Let's just look at some of these images I'm sure nothing will happen I won't act out.
And true to my word I don't act out
...until the next hour or day or week when those images come back and make you thirst for more until you need the satisfaction of acting out.
I've also just had the standard urges to act out (i.e. this time it won't be with images or this time will be the last time I use this particular site etc.)
After Indulging:
This feels nasty how did I do this? Last time I said that would be the last time how did I possibly do this again. This was the last time and NO MORE.
The next day: Well if that was really the last time... I didn't plan it out so well. I wasn't fantasizing about my favorite thing how could that be my last time? Let's do it again for real the last time but this time lets do it right
The next day: That was the last time??? No it can't be. Lets do it again!
Takeaway:
You fall down you get back up. The key is to get back up and not fall into a pattern of falling because every time you fall you make it increasingly harder to recover. Still doable, but harder.
