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My journey
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A platform of recovery for Jews who find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, masturbation or other sexual problems. Post anonymously about your struggles without fear of anyone finding out who you are. Ask questions, post answers and be inspired! Get tips and guidance from the experts who moderate this forum, as well as from fellow strugglers.

TOPIC: My journey 637 Views

My journey 12 Jan 2021 16:01 #361153

  • willdoit
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Hello,

I am in need for advice, I Am up to 67 days clean b"H after being 150 days clean and fell.

I Am having it very tough for the last week, the urge to mb is literally unbearable, Keeping on pushing, but it's soo hard.
Wanna share what i'm doing to stay clean, and would really appreciate if someone would show me where i'm going wrong.
So when the urge comes I would work on being mindful, like, not chasing it away nor acting on it just letting it be and refocus to stay present at what i'm doing. However, the problem with this is that when i am not involved in doing something active, I just don't have on what to refocus and then the urge becomes so tough.
I would really appreciate your input.

Thankyou,
Last Edit: 12 Jan 2021 16:52 by willdoit.

Re: My journey 12 Jan 2021 16:11 #361154

  • DavidT
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Take each day, one at a time. Don't worry about next week. Don't even think about tomorrow. Just push through the day. You can go weeks free like this. It hopefully gets easier after a few weeks, but beware, the urge can become seemingly overpowering without warning - no matter how long you have been pure. Just push through it. Don't give in! Focus on some other important topic, pray, post on GYE and in a few minuets the urge will subside.

Keep it going strong!!
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com

Re: My journey 12 Jan 2021 17:46 #361162

  • Sapy
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Hi willdoit! And tischadesh on your own thread! Looking forward to hear from you!
I relate alot to your issue, my urges also lately come to me late at night in bed, when I'm not doing anything, so I relate to the issue of focusing on something else.
For me to de-objectify works great, it can even be if it's in your imagination, if a particular scenario comes up in your head try thinking about that person when they have a hard day, is down etc that helped me alot.
Also try to take a few minutes then of giving in your mind, like thanking hashem for the good things you have, I find that giving is a contradiction with lust in a way, and it changes my mode.

Best of luck! Keep us posted!

Re: My journey 12 Jan 2021 19:30 #361164

  • willdoit
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Thanks@DavidT@Sapy, For your response.

Just a little update. Hashem gave me 2 hours of freedom from this monster (Urge), But now he is back again.

Wanna just share with you guys our dialogue:
Urge: Go mb now, YOU NEED TO RELEASE THE TENSION. 
Me: I hear your suggestion, however don't wanna do it.
​Urge: Why not?? You need to explain, can't just say no without explanation. 
Me: You may be right, however i am willing for now to do things that don't make any sense.
Urge: Well I'm not leaving you alone, ill chase you the entire day.
Me: Ok, No problem, make yourself comfortable here. but hope you don't mind that i wont get into any further discussion with you, so whenever you pop up ill just say hello and will move on and stay present and refocus on my surroundings.
Last Edit: 12 Jan 2021 19:33 by willdoit.

Re: My journey 12 Jan 2021 21:33 #361172

  • starting
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willdoit wrote on 12 Jan 2021 19:30:
Thanks@DavidT@Sapy, For your response.

Just a little update. Hashem gave me 2 hours of freedom from this monster (Urge), But now he is back again.

Wanna just share with you guys our dialogue:
Urge: Go mb now, YOU NEED TO RELEASE THE TENSION. 
Me: I hear your suggestion, however don't wanna do it.
​Urge: Why not?? You need to explain, can't just say no without explanation. 
Me: You may be right, however i am willing for now to do things that don't make any sense.
Urge: Well I'm not leaving you alone, ill chase you the entire day.
Me: Ok, No problem, make yourself comfortable here. but hope you don't mind that i wont get into any further discussion with you, so whenever you pop up ill just say hello and will move on and stay present and refocus on my surroundings.

Beautiful post! 

Btw have you written a cba (cost-benefit analysis)? 

If yes, the conversation continues: anyway I can't think straight with you on top of me. I get what you're saying but when I'm thinking clearly I usually come to the conclusion that No. Even as a stress reliever. 


Hatzlocho 
The start of 'STARting' is 'star'. Just start and you're a star!!
... and btw I really really love you! you keep me inspired!

'the cleaner I stay, the cleaner I stay' - AlexEliezer
העבר עיני מראות שוא, בדרכך חינו (תהלים קיט, לז)
PM me for my phone number

Re: My journey 12 Jan 2021 22:35 #361180

  • willdoit
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Update;

So far pushed it thru, although it's still really hard. Iam bl"n not giving in till tom.
Praying for a better tom.

Thanks for listening
Last Edit: 12 Jan 2021 22:37 by willdoit.

Re: My journey 13 Jan 2021 18:31 #361246

  • willdoit
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Hello,

​I had a very hard last night, even woke up in middle of the night with a powerful urge, I literally felt like exploding. So I just closed my eyes and begged hashem from the bottom of my heart, please, please hashem take it away from me, you want me to stay clean, and so do I - and helped me he did, and i made it thru b"H.

Today is easier b"H.

Thanks for listening
Last Edit: 13 Jan 2021 18:32 by willdoit.

Re: My journey 13 Jan 2021 19:46 #361253

  • DavidT
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willdoit wrote on 13 Jan 2021 18:31:
Hello,

​I had a very hard last night, even woke up in middle of the night with a powerful urge, I literally felt like exploding. So I just closed my eyes and begged hashem from the bottom of my heart, please, please hashem take it away from me, you want me to stay clean, and so do I - and helped me he did, and i made it thru b"H.

Today is easier b"H.

Thanks for listening


The holy Steipler Gaon of Bnei Brak once said, “There is no such thing as a sincere prayer that goes unanswered. Any heartfelt request addressed to Hashem must be answered. It can’t be otherwise."

The Hebrew world for prayer “tefillah” comes from the root “palel” which means to connect. A successful prayer doesn’t necessarily mean that we get what we ask for. Hashem is not a vending machine and there are times when the answer we receive is “no.” But the prayer may still be deemed “successful” since the primary goal of prayer is to connect with Hashem. That has been accomplished.

Keep strong! 
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com

Re: My journey 13 Jan 2021 22:26 #361273

  • YeshivaGuy
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willdoit wrote on 13 Jan 2021 18:31:
Hello,

​I had a very hard last night, even woke up in middle of the night with a powerful urge, I literally felt like exploding. So I just closed my eyes and begged hashem from the bottom of my heart, please, please hashem take it away from me, you want me to stay clean, and so do I - and helped me he did, and i made it thru b"H.

Today is easier b"H.

Thanks for listening

Amazing. Very impressive
Thank You!

Re: My journey 14 Jan 2021 15:34 #361317

  • willdoit
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Hello, 

Today is another day, will be"h bl"n stay clean for today, just for today, not thinking about tom.

Today, I"ll let the urge be with me, I won't fight it, I won't even try to figure out how to let it be, I"ll just let it be, and move on.

One day at a time!!
Last Edit: 14 Jan 2021 15:40 by willdoit.

Re: My journey 14 Jan 2021 15:44 #361319

  • Zedj
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The GYE motto at it's finest!

Re: My journey 20 Jan 2021 15:36 #361641

  • willdoit
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Hi,

Iam b"h 75 days clean. this week is b"h easier. 
Thank you hashem, and please help me stay clean
One day at a time! 

Re: My journey 25 Jan 2021 22:49 #361925

  • willdoit
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Hello,

I happen to struggle socially, in addition to this, I am also very self critical with myself, I am actually working on these b"h, however today it's tough for me, therefore I'm overtaken by my urges in order to sooth my self.

Re: My journey 25 Jan 2021 22:59 #361927

  • willdoit
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So how would i comfort my friend being in such situation?
Um, I would say something along these lines:
1) You are making great progress.
​2) It's not - ALL OR NOTHING - one situation/day does not make it into: I always fail, I will never be good socially, I was never able to socialize,
3) Its hard to think objective when being influenced by strong emotions, first accept your feelings regardless if they are true or false and thereafter you could see the real picture.

Thanks for listening 

Re: My journey 25 Jan 2021 23:11 #361931

  • ColinColin
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I think being self critical is a common trait amongst us on this Forum.

We have to learn to conduct a sensible Cheshbon Hanefesh, without being too harsh.
If we put ourselves down, it can lead to depression which can lead to sin.

We have to remind ourselves of our good points.
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