fr33et wrote on 30 Dec 2020 16:24:
I mentioned in another thread that when I fall I mostly listen to pornographic audio and look at pictures instead of videos. When I look at videos I choose ones that don't show as much. They not very explicit and some might describe them as "artistic." I explained in the other thread that I use this as an excuse and tell myself it's not as bad.
There's another aspect to this. The women in the media I go to are not professional actors, so they seem like normal people who chose to put their content on the internet. So besides the sexual aspect, there is an illusion of intimacy, like these women want me to see them or listen to them. This is pretty silly, because I don't interact with them in any way, other than to add one to the number of "views" or "listens." It is very one sided. But no matter how silly it is, it is also very appealing and hard to resist. In addition, seeing the women as normal people who behave that way, I start to feel it would be normal and even good for me to masturbate, as if they would appreciate it.
Any advice for confronting and overcoming these motivations?
Let me know if this post is too explicit or causes a problem for anyone.
What your describing sounds like voyeurism. The following is an excerpt about this, does this relate to your struggle?
"For some people, standard pornography is not intimate enough because everyone knows that the person they are viewing in a supposedly intimate moment is really an actress who is forgoing her privacy for the sake of money or drugs. They therefore, find it difficult to attain the illusion of intimacy with standard pornography. They prefer voyeurism where they believe they are “sharing” a truly private, intimate moment. They, of course, have to block out the fact that the person being observed did not consent to this “intimacy.” (In the case of voyeurism via pornography they also have to accept the illusion that the observed are not aware of the fact that they are being filmed). An added emotional “benefit” of voyeurism is the feeling of power in forcing the “intimacy” on the other person. This is especially appealing to someone who was made to feel powerless in his early family environment.
Heinz Kohut elaborated on some of the emotional issues addressed by pornography and voyeurism:
Behind the enormous attraction of pornography which channels these feelings [of voyeuristic preoccupation]… were children who were contact hungry, were not cuddled or held enough… [and the] enjoyment of the interplay between mother and child – seeing and looking – was missing…. The voyeuristic issues come up in individuals who have felt deeply deprived in this more comprehensive interaction with others…. [The visual contact] becomes the carrier of what should have been… skin contact, voice contact, and all other avenues of pleasure.
There are often idiosyncratic details added to the sexual fantasy or acting out that enhance the longed for emotional satisfaction for particular individuals. For example, one person was especially desirous of peeping on frum girls caught in the act of self stimulation. In his mind, such girls are usually less involved in sexual matters and therefore, such an act would be considered especially intimate. Similarly, another person, suffering from same sex attraction (SSA) was especially attracted to chassidic men, because he believed that they have little sexual interests and so the fact that such a person desires him was especially ego-enhancing.
Interestingly, many people suffering from voyeurism have no desire to see friends in intimate situations because when there is a real relationship there is no need for the illusion of a relationship."
