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Starting Again...
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A platform of recovery for Jews who find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, masturbation or other sexual problems. Post anonymously about your struggles without fear of anyone finding out who you are. Ask questions, post answers and be inspired! Get tips and guidance from the experts who moderate this forum, as well as from fellow strugglers.

TOPIC: Starting Again... 2522 Views

Re: Starting Again... 14 Feb 2021 14:39 #363302

  • EvedHashem1836
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Looking back with a bit more of a clear vision I realize I was totally out of my mind! Those people literally have no life. No real happiness. I had it all! BH I still do have it all! and what did I do? I sneaked  into a corner to join their world! Truly a Ruach Shtus! Hashem have Rachmanus and save us all from such shtusim. literally Shtusim.


Well said
Think about how good you'll feel if you say no to desire and compare that to how bad you'll feel if you say yes.

Desire is unique in the way that it is never fulfilled -  if you give in the desire comes back even more powerful in just a few days. Telling yourself that its ok because this is really the last time doesn't work because you are just adding new images to your head that will cause future falls.

The Joy of triumph over the yetzer hara is worth the effort it takes to win. It IS worth it! Keep fighting!


My thread: 
Aiming to be better

Re: Starting Again... 16 Feb 2021 05:44 #363468

  • YeshivaGuy
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Reb Yid, perhaps I may ask how you’re doing?

Re: Starting Again... 16 Feb 2021 06:13 #363476

  • Lou
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YeshivaGuy wrote on 16 Feb 2021 05:44:
Reb Yid, perhaps I may ask how you’re doing?

You certainly can!
I believe I have been keeping this thread up to date with how I am doing but possibly I haven't been clear enough. BH really doing great with the sur mara aspect. I am still breathing so there are still nisyonos,but nothing extreme. It is just not what I do anymore. However, I am still on guard as I realize it doesn't take anything extreme to have a fall. It can happen in a matter of minutes,so not getting over confident here. My main issue/struggle now is the Asei tov. Meaning to replace all the negative behaviors sufficiently with positive behaviors to help make sure I don't just slip back.If the void is still there,then possibly once my initial drive wears off the void will be filled by the garbage. So, working on that aspect and not doing so great honestly. But, I have been advised by some to lay off a bit and take one step at a time. Enjoy the sur mara for now.
Thanks

Re: Starting Again... 16 Feb 2021 06:16 #363477

  • YeshivaGuy
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U def were keeping us up to date. Maybe I’m reading to into things, it just seemed like recently u mentioned different thoughts, which are great! But less about how u are feeling internally, but then again I’m probably reading way too into things and should just get some sleep
Last Edit: 16 Feb 2021 06:21 by YeshivaGuy.

Re: Starting Again... 16 Feb 2021 06:19 #363478

  • YeshivaGuy
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Lou wrote on 16 Feb 2021 06:13:

YeshivaGuy wrote on 16 Feb 2021 05:44:
Reb Yid, perhaps I may ask how you’re doing?

You certainly can!
I believe I have been keeping this thread up to date with how I am doing but possibly I haven't been clear enough. BH really doing great with the sur mara aspect. I am still breathing so there are still nisyonos,but nothing extreme. It is just not what I do anymore. However, I am still on guard as I realize it doesn't take anything extreme to have a fall. It can happen in a matter of minutes,so not getting over confident here. My main issue/struggle now is the Asei tov. Meaning to replace all the negative behaviors sufficiently with positive behaviors to help make sure I don't just slip back.If the void is still there,then possibly once my initial drive wears off the void will be filled by the garbage. So, working on that aspect and not doing so great honestly. But, I have been advised by some to lay off a bit and take one step at a time. Enjoy the sur mara for now.
Thanks

Very good! Bh
I would start saying ideas of like working out etc, but I’m sure you know about that and are following your own tailored eitza.
Im glad you’re doing well, you are a very integral part of my growth, and I’m sure many here would say the same.
Keep shteiging, and please let us know if there’s any way we can be of assistance.

YeshivaGuy

Re: Starting Again... 18 Feb 2021 20:49 #363701

  • Lou
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As I approach 60 days BeH, I would like to address another aspect in my struggle. I enjoy listening to a certain radio station.It is talk radio that is loosely based on news stories but lots of entertainment as well.There are innuendos that aren't always clean etc Anyone in the New Jersey area probably knows what station I'm referring to.(Yup,I spilled the beans,now you know who i am, Lou in New Jersey). It certainly is more of a hinderance than a help on a path to being more tahor. I have thought about taking on not listening to it in the past,but always concluded it didn't make any sense to stop that and still do the real garbage (possibly not really a good cheshbon,by the way). My wife actually took on not to listen to it years ago. Sooo, I would like to be mekabel bli neder not to listen to it for the first ten minutes that I get into my car. If it is a short trip then i just won't listen. Since I am only doing this for ten minutes i am including even listening to the traffic and weather.
Thank you all for helping me get to this point that I can actually work on this!
Thank you Hashem

Re: Starting Again... 18 Feb 2021 21:28 #363710

  • DavidT
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Recently I came across a Q&A from Rav Avigdor Miller Z"L on Talk Radio and TV

Q:
Please explain why it is forbidden to go to the movies, to the theaters, to listen to talk-radio and to read secular books.

A:
Why is it wrong for a man to take poison, that’s the question. If a man wants to kill himself whose business is it? The answer is, it’s Hashem’s business. Hashem says, “I gave you a body, so you have no right to destroy it. It’s not your body. It’s mine. And I gave you a mind, which is even more important than your body, and you have no right to destroy it.” So if you go to places that put garbage into your mind and put poison into your mind, that’s called destroying your mind.

“Mi’kol mishmor, ni’tzor li’bechah” (Mishlei 4-23) – More than anything that you guard, you have to guard your mind. That’s Hakodosh Boruch Hu’s command. There is nothing in your possession that is more valuable than your mind and your thoughts. Therefore when a person goes to these places or if he has a TV – having a TV is like taking a pipe from the sewers and emptying it directly into your dining room. You turn it on and a gush, a flow, a torrent of smelly garbage, filthy water comes pouring into your dining room, on the rugs. And that’s nothing yet. It comes into your head – that’s the real problem! So this person is asking a question – why are these things forbidden? Because it’s forbidden for a man to destroy himself.

"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com

Re: Starting Again... 18 Feb 2021 21:32 #363712

  • DavidT
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Lou wrote on 18 Feb 2021 20:49:
As I approach 60 days BeH, I would like to address another aspect in my struggle. I enjoy listening to a certain radio station.It is talk radio that is loosely based on news stories but lots of entertainment as well.There are innuendos that aren't always clean etc Anyone in the New Jersey area probably knows what station I'm referring to.(Yup,I spilled the beans,now you know who i am, Lou in New Jersey). It certainly is more of a hinderance than a help on a path to being more tahor. I have thought about taking on not listening to it in the past,but always concluded it didn't make any sense to stop that and still do the real garbage (possibly not really a good cheshbon,by the way). My wife actually took on not to listen to it years ago. Sooo, I would like to be mekabel bli neder not to listen to it for the first ten minutes that I get into my car. If it is a short trip then i just won't listen. Since I am only doing this for ten minutes i am including even listening to the traffic and weather.
Thank you all for helping me get to this point that I can actually work on this!
Thank you Hashem

Hey Lou (from New Jersey
I really admire the way you are mekabel things that are within reach to achieve. You're a true role model for me, thank you!
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com
Last Edit: 18 Feb 2021 21:32 by DavidT.

Re: Starting Again... 18 Feb 2021 22:19 #363714

  • Sapy
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Smae here lou, simple achievable stuff, that I know I should also work on. You really inspired me too. Thank you for sharing.

Re: Starting Again... 21 Feb 2021 07:30 #363842

  • Lou
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@ David T and Sapy

Thank you very much for your kind words. I can say the same about you and many others on here. We all inspire each other.

Re: Starting Again... 21 Feb 2021 07:33 #363843

  • Lou
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Sooo, I would like to be mekabel bli neder not to listen to it for the first ten minutes that I get into my car. If it is a short trip then i just won't listen. Since I am only doing this for ten minutes i am including even listening to the traffic and weather.Thank you all for helping me get to this point that I can actually work on this!
Thank you Hashem

I never notice how many trips I take in my car that are less than ten minutes! BH it is going well.

Re: Starting Again... 23 Feb 2021 03:03 #364010

  • Lou
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Greetings,
Two things happened today to remind me that I am not immune to the Yetzer hara. I didn't think I was immune but still good to get the reminder.
Today,I had to sit with a public school kid for part of his virtual school time(Don't ask, my job takes me to strange situations sometimes!). The teacher was showing the kids a movie for at least half the class time. It was probably officially a clean movie,but just sitting there brought back the memories of being entertained and enthralled in a movie and all that goes along with it. My movie watching was rarely clean,because I don't really watch movies in the open. If I watched a movie it was part of acting out.I attempted to keep myself as occupied as possible with other things while it was on...
The second thing is that I am feeling pretty rotten Shalom Bayis wise. Nothing major,but one of those situations where I messed up and suffering the consequences of saying and doing the wrong thing at the wrong time.
BH at this point I would not actually do any sort of negative behaviors of the lusting variety as that is just not what I do anymore. However,the feelings I had from the wicked combination are enough to remind me that I can fall so easily from this high place I am at now.
Humbling and enlightening
Lou

Re: Starting Again... 25 Feb 2021 06:01 #364217

  • Lou
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A Freilichen Kosher Purim to one and all!!!!

Re: Starting Again... 28 Feb 2021 21:19 #364355

  • Lou
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I just had what could possibly be called a slip.I just want to post it here to clarify for myself that it was not the right thing to do. There was an inappropriate news story I had heard about... I decided to search for more details online. I probably spent about 10 minutes on this.

Was it a fall? Not at all! BH. But doesn't fit with who I am and the person I want to be.

If my Rebbe was sitting with me I would not have checked out that story.... 

Shevisi Hashem linegdi Tamid! Easy to say...challenging to fulfill 
Last Edit: 28 Feb 2021 21:20 by Lou.

Re: Starting Again... 02 Mar 2021 02:22 #364494

  • Lou
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BH,today I have reached a milestone. I have 90 cumulative clean days! That doesn't mean in my entire life I only have had 90 clean days...However,since I made the amazing move to join GYE a few months ago, I have had 90 clean days. BH

BeH looking forward to having 90 days in a row very soon!

Hatzlocha to all!

Lou
Last Edit: 02 Mar 2021 02:22 by Lou.
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