Thanks guys,
I love the hiker mashal, its really helps change the perspective!

Wow went 6 days and then fell. 
I'm noticing a slip turns into a fall pretty easily.
Working on being positive. (no, not covid, gosh one. track. mind.)
One thing i keep telling myself is that usually when i fall I sit in the muck for a few days. But this time got right back up and went 6 whole days!
I cant wait to see how far i can make it this time around!

Question for the Vets out there, how many falls did it take to see a serious streak? (50days +)

Hy wrote on 09 Feb 2021 20:18:

Absolutely bro, ur doing great, keep getting back up.
Have u ever spoken to a GYE guy on the phone?

Nope not yet. I'm not sure I would be comfortable.

I hear ya. It’s very worthwhile, whenever ur ready

Hy wrote on 09 Feb 2021 20:18:

It's very common that a serious streak happens only after a person hits what we call "rock bottom" 

Often a person is not truly ready to admit they have a problem, seek help and be willing to make real changes in their lives unless they have “hit bottom” first. “Hitting bottom” means that one’s life has truly become unmanageable. This can come about through the realization that they are unable to lead a normal life, a normal marriage, hold a job, or if they stand to lose their self respect, honor or good name.

However, one of the goals of the GYE community is to help people “Hit bottom while still on top.”  You can hit bottom while still on top by imagining yourself getting caught... especially by someone you really care about, and whom would be very disappointed in you, or worse.

Love this line!

DavidT wrote on 10 Feb 2021 17:34:

Thanks for that, i can see how that would motivate longer streaks.
I've actually been caught (wife) and it was not pleasant to say the least but i feel like getting caught doesn't hold as much weight for me anymore. 
What are other ways to imagine rock bottom?
Any practical exercises? 

please see this article 
guardyoureyes.com/articles/12-step/item/hitting-bottom-while-still-on-top

Doing something that you are deep down not proud of, even if you try to tell yourself that you dont really care, takes a deep toll on your self respect and your self esteem. A life without self respect and self esteem is painful and miserable.
You cannot escape this fact, so look it in the face....
Another point. If you would able to choose if you wanna act out or not, that's one thing. But you cannot.(at the moment) you are tied with sweet ropes, you are not a free man. And there is nothing sweeter then being free.

You wanna imagine hitting rock bottom? Imagine yourself as an 80 year old man, looking back at how you spent your fast speeding life... remembering how you sat by a computer for hours and hours like a maniac out of control, instead of all other priorities you respect. Instead of connecting with loved ones and friends, learning, or helping others etc. Is there a more deeper bottom then this regret??

Is this the life you would wish for a loved one?? Is this life at all?

do you wanna asleep your whole life? Why not? I loooove to sleep! Or better say, on drugs? You will always be happy.... on a high... but you will miss out life. It's that simple.

so look ahead start living, and trucking full speed! And dont worry about bumps and holes, along the way, we will make sure to pull you out....

Thanks Sapy, and DavidT,
I'm going to work on that. Even having these thoughts and scenarios at the back of my mind are helpful and make an impact. (however small or big that might be.)

Today is a hard day so far. I'm feeling under the weather and I just want to fall. It feels depressing. But I know its not as bad as I'll feel if i fall.
Figured if I come here and just write it will make it a bit better. 

Later this week things should get easier (#marriedlife) but right now it feels impossible. I almost feel like the effort is so huge and the hurt is so great its just easier to give up. 

But for the next hour i will stay strong. (and then the hour after that etc. until I'm safely asleep.)
Thanks for reading my vent. I hope everyone has a great week! 

Hy wrote on 14 Feb 2021 11:42:

This is a thought I have had,so maybe it would work for you as well.
Try to envision how much better midweek will be if you make it there clean. Forget about all other Cheshbonos (if they aren't doing the trick). Just think how much more enjoyable and guilt free it will be at that time if you push through.
Hatzlocha!

That is a great thought, it has mamish been pushing me through the week. I had a hard day yesterday and this thought literally saved me.
Thank you for sharing it.

Hy wrote on 16 Feb 2021 11:03:

Hi Hy
how's your TODAY going?
we'll all in this together, helping each other grow...
keep strong! 

Hi DavidT,

My day went excellently! I was very busy almost the whole day so I didn't even have time to think about anything triggering.
Thank you for asking!