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Back again for another try
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A platform of recovery for Jews who find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, masturbation or other sexual problems. Post anonymously about your struggles without fear of anyone finding out who you are. Ask questions, post answers and be inspired! Get tips and guidance from the experts who moderate this forum, as well as from fellow strugglers.

TOPIC: Back again for another try 2299 Views

Re: Back again for another try 11 Apr 2021 22:49 #366686

  • fr33et
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I have a light filter but it's not so hard to get around. I'm planning to buy an app that will block whatever your tell it (could be the whole internet) at scheduled times. This should help me limit my internet time. I don't currently have a foolproof way to block a site forever.

I read about filters before but I didn't really understand how they work. What does it show you when you try to access what you shouldn't? And how can I adjust it if it's blocking something I need? What filter do you recommend?

Last time I left the site, I had just watched a bunch of videos and I was sick of it. In the three months since then, they posted many videos that tempted me. But now I am quitting without watching those new videos. So three months later, when they post more new videos, I can say, "Big deal. There were new videos last time too but I quit anyway."

I don't feel comfortable bringing GYE up in real life. I am going to a more frum shul now so I have a new Rabbi and mentors there, but I'm not ready to talk about this with them. I don't want to waste anyone's time on here either. Also I'm worried if I contact someone from GYE we won't get along or someone will overhear my phone conversations. I know Dov was starting a group a while ago but I don't know if it's still available. Maybe I could contact him. Otherwise what would be the best way to contact a GYE mentor? Sign up for the matching program?

Re: Back again for another try 12 Apr 2021 02:30 #366694

  • EvedHashem1836
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Definitely don't worry about wasting anyone's time on GYE - people aren't obligated to read what you post so if they don't want to they won't.

So pour your soul out over here 

I've personally never been on a GYE phone call but im sure no one else listens it would be contrary to everything else they do
Think about how good you'll feel if you say no to desire and compare that to how bad you'll feel if you say yes.

Desire is unique in the way that it is never fulfilled -  if you give in the desire comes back even more powerful in just a few days. Telling yourself that its ok because this is really the last time doesn't work because you are just adding new images to your head that will cause future falls.

The Joy of triumph over the yetzer hara is worth the effort it takes to win. It IS worth it! Keep fighting!


My thread: 
Aiming to be better

Re: Back again for another try 12 Apr 2021 08:16 #366704

  • Striving Avreich
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For a windows computer, Techloq is by far the best. For a phone, there is gentech and netspark. I suggest visiting your local TAG office. If you'd like more information, I'd be happy to talk about it with you.

Not having a good filter is like putting an alcoholic in a bar and expecting him not to drink. Not that filters solve our problem, but if we don't want to continue, then why should we have access to those things?

Regarding Dov's call, definitely make the call. I mean for me I found speaking to him very helpful and I think the weekly call starts this week. 
Also, R' HHM has helped many people here on GYE and I would definitely suggest speaking to him. If you would like his number, let me know. 

Re: Back again for another try 14 Apr 2021 00:05 #366793

  • fr33et
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BH, I am doing well the last two days. I have wasted a little time on the internet but nothing like I was before. Since it's a big improvement I won't count it as a fall. Because of this I was able to fit more Torah and more chores into my day and get enough sleep.

Re: Back again for another try 21 Apr 2021 11:47 #367195

  • fr33et
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For about a week I was doing well, using the internet less than normal. These last two days, I've been one again wasting lots of time on the internet. It was kosher stuff, but this time I will count it as a fall. I want my streak to be really clean without time wasting!

Re: Back again for another try 21 Apr 2021 13:56 #367207

  • thetimeisnow!
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Thats very honest of you! You inspire me to rid myself of time wasting as well!

Re: Back again for another try 26 Apr 2021 00:11 #367407

  • fr33et
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I must report that I listened to inappropriate content and masturbated on Thursday. Yesterday (motzei shabbos) I didn't do anything sexual but listened to some podcast that was kosher but wasted my time. Baruch HaShem, I didn't waste time on the internet today. The truth is, I'm not sure how long I will hold out this time. But today I am fighting!

Re: Back again for another try 26 Apr 2021 00:19 #367411

  • Striving Avreich
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Thanks for keeping us updated.
From my experience and I'm sure other people can echo the same thing, just "white knuckling" it doesn't get us anywhere.

I'm not sure how long I will hold out this time


When put like that, it's really hard. When put like, "I can't live life in a normal way when I masturbate so I want to live life in a way that I want. Let me figure out how to do that" it takes on a whole different meaning.

Hatzlachah

Re: Back again for another try 26 Apr 2021 00:37 #367415

  • EvedHashem1836
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When put like that, it's really hard. When put like, "I can't live life in a normal way when I masturbate so I want to live life in a way that I want. Let me figure out how to do that" it takes on a whole different meaning.

Agreed. At a certain point if you realize you keep getting short streaks but aren't getting anywhere you might have to look inside and remind yourself that youre doing this so you don't have to live this way the rest of your life and nothing will make this magically go away so you gotta be active and beat the yetzer hara
Think about how good you'll feel if you say no to desire and compare that to how bad you'll feel if you say yes.

Desire is unique in the way that it is never fulfilled -  if you give in the desire comes back even more powerful in just a few days. Telling yourself that its ok because this is really the last time doesn't work because you are just adding new images to your head that will cause future falls.

The Joy of triumph over the yetzer hara is worth the effort it takes to win. It IS worth it! Keep fighting!


My thread: 
Aiming to be better

Re: Back again for another try 26 Apr 2021 02:28 #367425

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I would say it's even for long streaks...

Re: Back again for another try 26 Apr 2021 14:07 #367440

  • fr33et
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When put like that, it's really hard. When put like, "I can't live life in a normal way when I masturbate so I want to live life in a way that I want. Let me figure out how to do that" it takes on a whole different meaning.

Thank you for the guidance. I hear what you are saying, when I started my previous streak of a few months I was looking at it like that. At the time I really thought I meant it! But in retrospect I don't think I was being entirely honest with myself. And if I said the same thing now, I don't think that would be entirely honest either. I've often seen suggestions to take it day by day, and I think the best thing for me to do is to ask HaShem for guidance each day. Right now I can't honestly say that I want to live my life without masturbating. I think there is a deeper difficulty in my relationship with HaShem that I have to address first.

Re: Back again for another try 30 Apr 2021 02:12 #367703

  • fr33et
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Okay, so a lot of my ambivalence comes from this one site where I am tempted to gain access because of new videos. So I decided to redo the "pros and cons" chart, but focused on that one site. This has helped me to see more clearly what I'm trying to get out of porn and masturbation and thank G-d, the cons list came out much longer (and more heartfelt). I still think my top focus needs to be on davening, studying, and getting involved with my local frum community. But now I feel that I want a life without smut so with G-ds help I will be working on that too. Still, it's hard for me to deal with this back-and-forth in my heart. I pray that the holy point of view will win.

Re: Back again for another try 30 Apr 2021 04:02 #367709

  • EvedHashem1836
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The holy point of view will win, but the question is how do we actualize that reality and turn it from knowing it to doing it?
Think about how good you'll feel if you say no to desire and compare that to how bad you'll feel if you say yes.

Desire is unique in the way that it is never fulfilled -  if you give in the desire comes back even more powerful in just a few days. Telling yourself that its ok because this is really the last time doesn't work because you are just adding new images to your head that will cause future falls.

The Joy of triumph over the yetzer hara is worth the effort it takes to win. It IS worth it! Keep fighting!


My thread: 
Aiming to be better

Re: Back again for another try 03 May 2021 02:03 #367835

  • fr33et
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I haven't fallen with porn or masturbation Baruch HaShem, but last night after Shabbos and this morning I've been wasting lots of time on the internet, so counter goes back to zero.

Re: Back again for another try 12 May 2021 01:35 #368400

  • fr33et
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I fell last night with porn and masturbation. After that I slept badly and today I felt sick---but I'm afraid to say I still wanted to masturbate. My mind keeps going to that one site. I have a strong desire to gain access to it. It's not even just about pleasure, because I was thinking that the pain of the day after is worse than the pleasure but I wanted to gain access anyway. It's like there's a feeling of conquest from being able to see those women and masturbate, and if there's more discomfort than pleasure, fine! Now I still can't get access BH, so I went elsewhere and masturbated, but in two weeks it might be possible for me to gain access! I'm afraid of what I'll do then.

When I was in shul davening or learning I didn't want the filth, I wanted to run as far away as possible but when I start living mundane life the desire comes back. BH at this moment I want to be holy, I don't want to give in, but I'm afraid of what I'll want tomorrow!
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