So sad right now, FELLL BAD. 

It all started from a trigger....had a very bad day, very late last night/this morning, lost control for a long time, ending in Z. Very upset at myself because now I lost two streaks--A. my clean days (50ish) and my non Z streak (which I was so good about ffor years, even if lost to P, usually didnt lose to Z). ANYONE PLEASE TOUCH BASE! please email tgrehab@gmail, as hard to follow posts...

Thanks, needing chizuk and real touching base ASAP pls....

Thanks 

TG

50 days is a long clean time.

Do not feel extra bad about yourself.

Instead, look back and be happy that you were clean for that long.

Now - put together a plan for when you next have a tough day and feel low and are susceptible to fall - my advice is that you should instantly remind yourself of your good qualities.
Then immediately do something that you like - eat some favourite food, read a favourite book, and call a friend.
And study your favourite subject too.

If you can, fresh air helps,

First thing is to celebrate what you have accomplished...... After that learn how to write out the words instead of writing Z....  P..... etc.

I am going to reiterate the message said earlier by the other choshiveh chevrah, I just want to hammer the concept in. I have said this to some others.

50 DAYS!!! that is MASSIVE!! You were sitting with Hashem Himself for 50 DAYS enjoying the connection! A single moment of teshuvah in having a connection with Hashem is so powerful and you were with Him for 50 straight DAYS that you have no right to be upset at all. You have clearly been doing amazing to get to 50 DAYS so you have clearly been employing the correct strategies, Kol Hakavod! If there is anything that you think needs work then DM one of us and we can help you to achieve your goals, but I personally think that if you have the capability to stop for 50 days you are rocking and rolling to a 90 and beyond, before you know it. Hold on brother to that connection to Hashem that we all know and love and you will be good. 
Besiyata Dishmaya

The other point is that your sobriety far outweighs your fall, You must have learned a TONNE in those 50 days.