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Mental Health and Marriage
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A platform of recovery for Jews who find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, masturbation or other sexual problems. Post anonymously about your struggles without fear of anyone finding out who you are. Ask questions, post answers and be inspired! Get tips and guidance from the experts who moderate this forum, as well as from fellow strugglers.

TOPIC: Mental Health and Marriage 6329 Views

Re: Mental Health and Marriage 03 Mar 2021 15:43 #364643

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DavidT wrote on 03 Mar 2021 04:07:
A man once came to Reb Nachman of Breslav and told him that he doesn't hold by doing teshuvah because he knows that he'll just go back to doing the same things again. Reb Nachman answered him that Teshuvah is not about not doing the same sins again, but rather it's all about bringing Hashem down into the world and into our hearts. Every soul is a peice of Hashem and is connected to Him, but our sins make a blockage between the light of Hashem and us. When we say Viddui and confess our sins, it helps us remove the heavy "shell" that our sins have caused, and this allows the light of Hashem to flow down into the world and into us. Teshuvah is not about beating ourselves up over our past, but rather about LIVING for Hashem's honor in the present. 

The more we seek to bring Hashem's honor and glory down to the world, the more Teshuvah we do! Automatically, all the past sins are forgiven, and automatically, we won't end up repeating our past mistakes.

Genuinely not a clue what that means (sorry, see my other posts, chassidus isn't my thing) but basically it sounds like he's saying a simple concept: keep going. 
I had a nearly 3yr streak and slipped slightly so started again. I have low self esteem so I'm telling you that 

Re: Mental Health and Marriage 08 Mar 2021 17:38 #364986

I had two clean nights. Then I fell a couple of times. I've been under a ton of stress lately with the dating and everything and it's been wearing me out. But I feel good about the two clean nights. Hopefully more to come.
Last Edit: 08 Mar 2021 17:38 by hashemyeracheim613.

Re: Mental Health and Marriage 08 Mar 2021 17:58 #364988

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hashemyeracheim613 wrote on 08 Mar 2021 17:38:
I had two clean nights. Then I fell a couple of times. I've been under a ton of stress lately with the dating and everything and it's been wearing me out. But I feel good about the two clean nights. Hopefully more to come.

Every time you hold yourself back from doing an aveirah, you are bringing light into the world that is many times greater than the damage caused by your sins...
Keep strong!
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com

Re: Mental Health and Marriage 08 Mar 2021 20:07 #365003

I want to take a small initiative of keeping clean until my next date. We are going out Wednesday night. I could really use some clarity so hopefully in this merit Hashem will open my eyes.

Re: Mental Health and Marriage 08 Mar 2021 20:28 #365005

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hashemyeracheim613 wrote on 08 Mar 2021 20:07:
I want to take a small initiative of keeping clean until my next date. We are going out Wednesday night. I could really use some clarity so hopefully in this merit Hashem will open my eyes.

Great goal!  ODAAT!

Re: Mental Health and Marriage 16 Mar 2021 03:29 #365463

I stayed clean until today! Onto bigger streaks!

Re: Mental Health and Marriage 09 Apr 2021 19:01 #366596

Hi everyone. It's been a long time since I last posted. In life, certain trying circumstances have come up. I am extremely anxious and tense, and I'm constantly doubting my decisions. My Kedusha has suffered a lot as a result. 

Re: Mental Health and Marriage 09 Apr 2021 20:27 #366604

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Push through!
Think about how good you'll feel if you say no to desire and compare that to how bad you'll feel if you say yes.

Desire is unique in the way that it is never fulfilled -  if you give in the desire comes back even more powerful in just a few days. Telling yourself that its ok because this is really the last time doesn't work because you are just adding new images to your head that will cause future falls.

The Joy of triumph over the yetzer hara is worth the effort it takes to win. It IS worth it! Keep fighting!


My thread: 
Aiming to be better

Re: Mental Health and Marriage 10 Apr 2021 18:45 #366614

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hashemyeracheim613 wrote on 09 Apr 2021 19:01:
Hi everyone. It's been a long time since I last posted. In life, certain trying circumstances have come up. I am extremely anxious and tense, and I'm constantly doubting my decisions. My Kedusha has suffered a lot as a result. 

I'm sorry to hear that. In general I find talking those stressful out with a listening ear (especially a therapist) is really helpful.

Re: Mental Health and Marriage 12 Apr 2021 23:16 #366734

Hey everyone. The title of my thread is Mental health and Marriage. These are two areas that I was hoping to improve by keeping myself clean. These past few months have been difficult. I had a few small streaks, but for the most part, I've been masturbating often. The one thing that I can say that I've improved in tremendously is pornography. Since October 12th I only slipped up over one weekend. And I believe that it has brought me incredible blessing. Just a short time I was so hopeless. My anxiety and low self-image were eating me up. I remember one of the first times I spoke to the Holy Ish MiGrodno. I told him that I don't want to wake up the next morning. I really meant it. Since then the quality of my life has gotten so much better. I still struggle, but I face my challenges head on, and I really love living. The anxiety and obsessive thoughts aren't leaving anytime soon, but I'm learning to live with them. Also, I very recently received an incredible gift from Hashem. I got engaged to an amazing girl. I wasn't sure if I should post about it, But HHM told me to share it. When I was dating it was very hard to see others get engaged, while I felt doomed to eternal singlehood. I felt that my mental health issues and family background would forever hold me back from finding someone to spend my life with. I have to go to minchah but I'll continue to post soon.

Re: Mental Health and Marriage 12 Apr 2021 23:26 #366735

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Mazel tov!! I'm so happy to hear!! Forsure you should post, it's not fair to only post when dates go wrong etc and not post the good news....
May you be zoicha to build a bayis Neeman beyisroel, and only know of simches!
Last Edit: 13 Apr 2021 04:24 by Sapy.

Re: Mental Health and Marriage 12 Apr 2021 23:37 #366736

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Mazal Tov!
Think about how good you'll feel if you say no to desire and compare that to how bad you'll feel if you say yes.

Desire is unique in the way that it is never fulfilled -  if you give in the desire comes back even more powerful in just a few days. Telling yourself that its ok because this is really the last time doesn't work because you are just adding new images to your head that will cause future falls.

The Joy of triumph over the yetzer hara is worth the effort it takes to win. It IS worth it! Keep fighting!


My thread: 
Aiming to be better

Re: Mental Health and Marriage 13 Apr 2021 00:41 #366741

So as I was saying, it was very hard to imagine that this day would come. To anyone wondering when they will find their someone, please try to stay hopeful. My situation seemed impossible to escape, and Hashem granted me a huge redemption. 

Re: Mental Health and Marriage 13 Apr 2021 01:03 #366742

It is amazing to be engaged, and I'm so grateful to be at this stage in life, but there are many challenges for me on a very personal level. I was always terrified of getting married. My mind would always jump to the worst case scenario of what could happen. These fears coupled with having a girl in my life have made it very hard to stay clean. I had a long conversation with the Holy and Exalted Ish MiGrodno and he told me that marriage is an exercise in discipline. It seems that being a good husband and being there for your wife even during times when she is forbidden is not so simple. He then hurled some tough accusations at me. "You're not trying hard enough. You're not serious about changing. You have a defeatist attitude." Ouch. I appreciate his honesty though, and I know that he's doing this for my own good. He asked me to harness the power of GYE by posting and asking for feedback from the boys. So here goes. Ultimately, I would like to stay clean until my wedding. But to start off, I'm going to make a mini-goal of staying clean until Thursday. Honestly, for some reason, I love getting posts and views on my thread. It feels amazing to know that people are following my journey. So let's use that Yetzer Hara for the good. I'm going to make on effort to post my struggles, as well as my successes and wins on the forum. I'm asking you guys to make a big deal. Make some noise. Drink a L'chaim. And keep those posts coming in! Thank you everyone!

Re: Mental Health and Marriage 13 Apr 2021 01:32 #366744

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Wow! Great news!
Thank you for sharing it with us.... MAZEL TOV!

Keep up the good work and looking forward to you updating.

Wishing you much success on this very exciting milestone in your life and I hope all goes smoothly.

(Small reminder....keep it at one day at a time!)

One who has given up hope is without a G‑d.

One who sees hope in each day is already free

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