Just to give you all background, I'm 21 and I first saw porn when I was 12. I honestly didn't know what it was until I turned 14 or 15, and I've been struggling with it since. I discovered GYE when I was 18 and signed up, but never ever used it until now. I'm posting here because I made a promise to myself over the Yamim Noraim that I AM NOT WATCHING ANY PORN EVER AGAIN, and I'm looking for people to reply to this with their thoughts. I put a filter on all my devices, but in our modern world there is ALWAYS something to look at and no filter is 100% perfect.
I've had a few "successful" attempts at breaking my addiction. The first one came in my second year of Yeshiva in ארץ ישראל where I was able to go Elul Zman through the end of Choref zman porn free. I felt amazing and never thought I'd look back. I even made it over Nissan Bein Hazmanim at home, but sometime when I was back in Yeshiva I succumbed to it again. Between then and last year I had a few month or so stints porn free but always succumbed again and again.
But then came shidduchim. I told myself I wouldn't start dating until I could go the magical 90 days porn free - and I did (after a few tries). After successfully going the 90 days I started dating and one of the first girls I went out with seemed to be right. After a little more than a month of dating her (and this is about 5 months porn-free) I realized that this girl was special. I wasn't sure about marrying her just yet but I realized I would under no circumstances break my streak. Despite my porn addiction, I have/will always be Shomer Negiya, but obviously when dating it was hard. There were nights when I thought "just look at some porn, it will make you feel better". But I didn't. I stayed strong.
5 months into our relationship we started talking engagement. I was super excited. First off, I found the girl I wanted to marry and secondly I thought porn would be behind me (I know married people struggle with it too but I thought I conquered it). But the second we started talking engagement our relationship went downhill. I realized over the course of the next month that she was not the girl I should marry, and she realized the same about me, and we broke up.
I made it about a day and a half until I watched porn. I hated myself and couldn't believe I did it, but I did it again and again and again over the next few months.
It's been a year since all of this and I am trying to conquer this challenge again. Baruch Hashem I realized why Hashem put me through that break up, but the only negative thing about the whole thing is I'm struggling with porn again. Like I said, I have put filters up and everything.
All comments and suggestions are welcomed