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TOPIC: I fell :( 376 Views
I fell :( 28 Jul 2020 17:11 #353094
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I fell, again. I had one of those spiritually disturbing dreams last night. I woke up remembering it & had a hard time not replaying it in my mind. I was feeling completely drained of energy & therefore davened Shachris at home, but with zero energy & feeling quite depressed, I just davened shemoneh esrei without my hat, jacket, tallis or tefilin & without birchas krias shema, pesukei d'zimra etc - just shemoneh esrei & then put on just teffilin for 10 seconds...
 Then I went up to bed feeling even more depressed because of how i davened & remembering that I have not learnt any torah yesterday or the day before when i had just deceided to make sure to learn an alia a day of shnaim mikra starting this past sunday, because i have not been keeping up with it at all & we just started new sefer - devarim. I landed up being motzi zera. Please forgive me Hashem & all you guys can throw your esrogim on me... I woke up this morning already feeling depressed, lethargic & zapped of energy. Now I'm feeling worse. Alright, I shouldn't write my whole diary out here, though it would probably be quite interesting to read... Love you all, "Crazy Eagle", not feeling too swift today, more like a sloth. I think I snapped years ago. Forgive me for the kvetching. Hashem's the best! Pray for me. Thank you. Your the best! Love you all! Be well & Hashem should be with you! |
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https://gye.vids.io/videos/449bddb01313e7cfcd/are-you-ready-to-win :יהודה בן תימא אומר הוי עז כנמר וקל כנשר ורץ כצבי וגבור כארי ! לעשות רצון אביך שבשמים I NEED YOU!!! I'm flying in the darkest of dark in the storm of all storms please light my way! Help me rise above temptation & come closer to you! I need YOU like nothing else & only you! Only connecting with you will fill my souls yearning, for all else is peasant food for the prince, saltwater for the thirsty! Please help me overcome the distractions, obstructions & fearsome illusions, I know it's you hiding behind the terrifying smokescreen, testing, awaiting, patiently, with endless love, one greater than the capacity of my imagination. You are eternal, I don't exist, bring me close, to cleave to you, so that I can too last forever by returning to you. Bring us home, to the land of our soul, and rid the universe of all evil, which is simply the "absence" of you, so that we can feel & see you clearly, Ki Bayin U'vayin Yiru, B'shuv Hashem L'Tziyon! |
Re: I fell :( 29 Jul 2020 01:53 #353104
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Re: I fell :( 29 Jul 2020 02:51 #353106
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