i think i'm losing it. i don't even feel interested in visiting this site anymore.

Hey,
I think it is very important to be connected to people you can reach out to and be open and honest with. 
It is very brave of you to be open with us and express your opinion.

I would be happy to discuss more of what you are feeling privately if you want.
please email me at 360gye@gmail.com

I've felt this way before. Things changed for me when I realized I have to do this for myself. Even if I were goy, this would be no way to live a life.
Like Dov says it's not about sins or whatever. It's about sanity, living a life that doesn't suck, and living a life that is not so crazy.
The problem is we hate porn and masturbation but at the same time think we can't live without it which is a great fallacy. Not only you can live without it, but really, it's the only way to truly live. By dismissing these garbages you live a much better life for yourself. From then on it becomes much easier to daven, study and go about your daily activities.
So don't give up! We are here to help each other.

Undoubtedly, our most essential weapon is excitement about accomplishing and attaining greatness. If a person thinks he only prevents a loss but doesn’t gain by not giving in, even if he stops himself from giving in out of obligation and fear of punishment, he is fighting a losing battle. He tries to hang on against his will while his strength weakens and his desires grow progressively stronger. This misconception is draining and depressing. The person feels forced to do what he doesn’t want to without gaining anything. Eventually, his willpower cracks and he gives in. For this reason, willpower doesn’t work so well when it is a person’s primary “motivator.” A person can only hold out against himself for so long, especially if he is unhappy.

its ok to feel that way.. it may be a sign of growth... or sometimes a sign that your inner self wants something deeper and more meaningful then just such a support forum...

I found for myself that sometimes i lost interest in stuff and it was a result of growth... in the beginning i felt sad why i have this apathy, but i still listened to my heart and BH after sometime hashem showed me direction... i also prayed and spoke to hashem a lot during these challenging times.. i said "hashem please show me direction, Hashem please give me wisdom"

But we really have to allow ourselves to be leaded / vulnerable and go with hashems direction... if we fight it then the me may stop showing signs of direction...

if you feel this connects to you , then it may be true for you otherwise feel free to disregard.. 

Hatzlucha 

my biggest problem now, actually i would say THE problem now is that i don't have any friends to hang out with, and acting our is my only socialization oppurtunity. i go out, get a little drunk, meet some interesting people (and sometimes do some crazy things). this is my only excitment in life. my family is not really a cohesive functional system. it's ok for the basics, you know just being around them for a bit, arguing a little, helping out a little, but that's about it.

so if i would have some socializatoin options it would be easier to fight this.

Try to find some lectures on Zoom.
Jewish ones, where people can talk a bit too at the end.

no, i need to get out for some real physical socialization. i don't have anywhere to do zoom comfortably.

someone please give some concrete step by step instructions on how to get some physical social activities.

Have you any relatives, cousins, friends? A walk in the park is always a good idea to get some fresh air. 
You could go by yourself too, if there's really no one to call.
If the park is closed you can always walk around it or just go for a stroll anywhere safe.
If you are having suicidal thoughts though you should talk to a psychiatrist asap.

If there is no one within your social circles that you would want to hang out with, there are plenty of ways to volunteer where you can meet dedicated and awesome people and be physically active at the same time. Could be anything from tomchei shabbos, hospital visits for the sick, your local food pantry, whatever. 

I tried a few places, no one wants volunteers, cause of covid

farblunjet wrote on 24 Jul 2020 09:11:

Hi,

Would it help you to message with friends even if you can see them in person?