Megatron wrote on 28 May 2020 11:45:
Dang dang dang. I fell rlly bad tonight. Been trying for yrs to stop but just can't do it. I didn't do it for a month which is for sure my record but I have been falling the past week and tonight was horrible. I rlly rlly rlly hate this, I just want to stop already. Need some ideas guys. If I don't do it for more than a week then I can't stop thinking of pritzus the whole day until I do it. And then in a way it's a feeling of relief to get all that sexual tension out and be able to just think (and learn) normally again. But I'm always regretful after like why did I do this I'm on the way to hell and Hashem has given me so much, why am I doing this against Him? I gotta break free already
You've done a great step by reaching out for help, Hashem will surely help you get out of this..
I want to point out a few things that will give you a clearer perspective on these issues and some chizuk for going to the next level.
1) Hashem created desire. Not you. He gave it to us as a test, a charge to win our battles and reach greatness. Never blame yourself for your impulses. All that matters is what you do with them.
2) Challenges are only there to make us great! Succeeding despite the difficulty is the point of life! The harder it is, the greater it makes us.
3) We should not be harder on ourselves than our loving Father Who made the rules. If we mess up, we should give ourselves a pat on the back for working so hard and then plan how to get back on the right track. No matter what happens, we must remember that although our battles are tough they are also opportunities to succeed and reach greatness.
4) We must never forget that Hashem loves us despite our sins. No matter how badly we fall, Hashem still cares about us. He never gets angry with us, no matter how badly we sin.
5) There will be times when we make mistakes. That is normal, because we are human. We must also be sure that our sins don’t destroy us by making us feel ashamed of ourselves. Instead, we must get back up, dust ourselves off, and continue to chase our aspirations.
6) A plan involving gradual change often is the best way to attain self-control. A person should start by focusing on one area of his battle against desire. He should firmly commit himself to keep a certain halacha or aspect of self-control.
7) It is important to stay motivated. One way to do this is to celebrate your successes. Take small steps toward change, and celebrate each time you get it right.
8) No matter how strong we become, we still need to work daily to stay alert and ready for the yetzer hara, who can strike at any moment. If we are unprepared, our feelings will instantly change, and we might even desire what we thought we would have no interest in. We cannot know exactly how the yetzer hara will make us feel. We must be ready so this does not happen.
9) When we are caught off guard, we instantly change and our battle against desire intensifies. But if we catch ourselves and remember ideas that grant us clarity, we can overcome this incredible challenge and achieve some of the greatest successes ever.
10) The yetzer hara is our biggest enemy. He works within our heads to destroy us before the battle even begins. By learning how to defuse his arguments, we will deal him a crushing blow in the most challenging and encompassing battle of all!
