I know that situation and by no means know "the answer".
Maybe a few ideas:
If you are in an imperfect situation, don't think that some lesser than perfect goals are not good for now. Trying to aim for a few days at a time clean instead of longer goals. Or a goal of falling no more than once a week. (all depends on an honest assessment of where someone is holding at that particular moment)
On the other side, try to work on filling that time:. order some interesting books online that you'll be interested in reading at night, or even some entertainment pre-planned so you have a plan for when everyone is asleep that you'll watch this or play this game or whatever then go to sleep. Again, perfection isn't necessarily the answer.
Finally, try to consider what's driving you to do something which you don't like and start making that journey. Listen to some classes, get a journal. At least insist you right down some issues before or after a fall. If there is something like a job is causing this feeling, a relationship this feeling etc. Focus on something that can be worked on. When my ___ talks to me, it makes me ___. Why is that? What middah could I work on to help me deal with this reaction?
Some thoughts! Stay Strong