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dz703 needs help - wife & porn issues
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A platform of recovery for Jews who find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, masturbation or other sexual problems. Post anonymously about your struggles without fear of anyone finding out who you are. Ask questions, post answers and be inspired! Get tips and guidance from the experts who moderate this forum, as well as from fellow strugglers.
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TOPIC: dz703 needs help - wife & porn issues 195 Views

dz703 needs help - wife & porn issues 07 Feb 2020 16:04 #347231

  • DavidT
  • Current streak: 102 days
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I am writing this post for dz703 as his English skills are not up to par.
(not that I'm the wiz of English either)

In a nutshell:  He is currently 45 days clean after a long battle with many ups and downs. He is going thru an extremely trying time with regards to shalom bayis and intimacy (his wife comes from difficult background and refuses help). 


​We started a conversation today as follows:
dz703:  i go over hard time with my wife and i cant any more,i just want now to remove the filter and watch
Me:  will you feel better of you remove the filter and watch porn?
dz703:  at least for now
Me:  should we think of other ways to take a away the pain and create good feelings?

Let's help him as a group, get over this difficult period in his life with Hashems help.
Looking forward for words of chizuk and suggestions for him.
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com
Last Edit: 07 Feb 2020 16:06 by DavidT.

Re: dz703 needs help - wife & porn issues 07 Feb 2020 16:13 #347232

  • Dave M
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Hi DZ703,

I'm sorry to hear that you are going through such a difficult situation.  Just know that you are not alone.  All of us have challenges that have led us to lust related behaviors.  I know it's hard to not give in, as it will provide a relief from the pain for the time being.  But we just have to keep trying.  Ultimately, things will get easier.

Re: dz703 needs help - wife & porn issues 16 Feb 2020 03:32 #347349

  • Meir olumi
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Hi Dz703, A gut voch and hope things feel a little better since when posted. Just a thought or two, take or ...... As I gain from this post too.

Number 1: As time goes on in the process of understanding what this whole thing of acting out, lusting, what ever name you wanna give it, we come to learn that it 'useally' was with us or rather a part of us before we got to know her (our wife) sometimes WAY BEFORE she came around! It useally didn't make our live's good then either, we felt bad, guilty, incompetent, loser'ish, and worst of all living a double life!! So when we start thinking along these lines we come to understand that she isn't the cure to my problem! Nor is she the reason for my problem!! She may currently be the source of frustration that is triggering me to go reach out for my "soothing tool" but not causing me to act out!! And if we didn't have a wife altogether (like unfortunately lots of men out there, jewish or non Jewish) we would have the same issues!! 

Motzeh Shabbos...... Food for thought

Thought number 2: The best help for shalom baiyes is......... Staying clean!!!! .....!!!!!!! It's brought down in every and any Sefer and it's proven by anybody who tried!!!! Our relationship is a mirror of our behavior in Kedushah!!!!

Again pls take my words as if I were thinking out loud to myself (i actually was!) Thank you a gut voch
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