The idea here is to tap into our true opinions on the matter, that's why the question is so pointed.
Feel free to elaborate on the reasons for your vote.

I'm a single girl, so i'm not going to vote.
but i think it's almost the same as "would you take a BT as a son-in-law?"
and i don't really think it's a fair question, considering that the girl's parents would probably never know. It's a very personal decision, and i'm not sure everyone wants to know what others think of them right now.
I think a stronger question would be "would you take an addict as a son-in-law?" i'm pretty sure everyone would say no.

habib613 wrote on 14 Dec 2009 19:19:

You said exactly the words I was afraid someone would.
But my question was EX- addict, meaning you know he's worked through real true determined recovery. And it's something of the PAST.

i don't think it's a fair question.
sorry.
would i marry one? probably not, but only because i'm an addict...

The real nisayon here is the honesty factor - when you are the only one honest then you look really messed up. If it was clear 30% of the elligible pool had gone through this, I think things would seem different

A couple of points:

1. Isn't a main theme here "Once an addict, always an addict"? I think the question should be phrased more in terms of the actions a person is involved in, as there may be no such thing as an "ex-addict."

2. Would I take such a person as a son in law? OF COURSE!!

I'm actually really surprised at you lot for counting this as something against the young man. This is one of his biggest strengths! That he was able to defeat perhaps the single greatest challenge of our (and of all) time!
This is an area where the greatest of the great (Yosef, Yehuda, David, to name a few) had difficulties in! Needless to say, it would be my honor to have one of them marry a daughter of mine!

b'ahava, well said. The fact is, most potential son-in-laws will NEVER say anything. You'll never know. and to say only 30% are affected... I'd say 30% are not, while the rest are. An ex-addict is someone who had the stregth to admit to a problem, and to admit it to YOU. If you ask me, thats a plus. That means they will always be workign on themselves, and be willing to make changes to meet the challenges of life.

a real recovering addict is an inspiration and strength to see. i'd probably go to a few meetings w/ him and ask the boys where he's holding as a member  ... or something like that , to guage his commitment to the program .   

Can I ask what this 30% statistic is all about?

This was not a practical question. It can't be. People don't exactly write these things on their shidduch resume. It's just not something which is ever known, especially not the depth and truth of ones commitment - which is what really matters here. And chances are nobody will ever find out - provided that he remains clean of course.
It was purely hypothetical.
If you KNEW that this existed only in a sense of what this person has been though, (and definitely grew from), with your own knowledge and experience, would you consider it.

Woops, I just added a choice to the poll that wasn't there before. (please forgive me)

"Depends of his sobriety record".

And that's what I voted for.

If he's sober for a while - and he's made some INNER changes because of that, then yes, I'd surely take him. Even MORE than a regular guy! Take a guy like Tomim for example. We brought his story in Chizuk e-mail #655 - and we all saw how LOW he fell, and yet see his tremendous growth in Chizuk e-mails #648 and #652!! Today, he'd make the best husband because he's learned through breaking the addiction how to live FOR OTHERS.

But if he was still the Tomim of Chizuk e-mail #655, then obviously no one would want him for a son-in-law  

So the question in the poll needs to be clarified a bit... What do you mean by "X-addict"? How long is he sober for? And is he perhaps just a "dry drunk" - or did he make real inner changes?

And perhaps he was never so addicted in the first place as to require a serious "inner change"? That's also a possibility, and that would also be someone I would take, as long as he has a good clean record...

(But you guys will all have to wait, my oldest daughter is only 10  )

I think it depends where he's at now. Of course, it's hard to figure that out. Part of it might be how open he is - I mean, I guess I'm seeing this in terms of me. I'm lucky enough to have (besides a therapist) a rebbe who is incredibly smart and wise, and guides me. It's on his advice that I still haven't started dating again, and I won't start until he tells me I should. And he won't do that until he's confident that the changes I've made are real, and that he can stand behind me when someone calls to ask about me, and tell them that I'd make a good husband.

Not every rebbe is like that, but mine is. And I'd be open to sitting down with my kallah and my rebbe, or therapist, or all of the above, to discuss the issues involved, and where I'm holding, and how (if) it affects me still - if I (and my rebbe) think it will help, or if the girl wants it.

Silentbattle, does your Rebbe know about our network? He sounds like a wise man. Maybe PM me his name, and maybe I should get in touch with him and give him the lowdown on what we're doing here...