Hello all

So, I am two days off a year.

Who votes I break it now?

I vote no. Is it any easier to be clean now than it was when you started?

Funny guy.  There are some things you can joke about.  Having a fall is not one of them 

As you would expect, the answer is yes and no. I sometimes feel like a dry drunk (an expression I have learnt here and like) but then I wonder if its just being a man. I like women. A lot. I like looking at them and thinking about them. 
it's been a mssivley long journey with downsides and upsides. My wife has noticed the difference and I've been more honest, but it has gone wrong sometimes in terms of me getting angry if I feel that I might slip because we were not together. B"H that anger has been largely inside, but she's my wife, so I am sure she knows. 
Overall, its been hard, but feels good to be nearly there. 

Dave M wrote on 29 Aug 2019 13:28:


Sadly, I wasn't being funny. or I was, but more in the "Fire in the house of Amram" type way than anything else. I'm very tired and I am currently longing to slip into the warmth of looking at naked women. As I said above, maybe dry drunk or maybe just a man with a Yezer Hora. B"H, no porn for very nearly a year, so I am hoping its just the latter. 

bego wrote on 29 Aug 2019 13:34:

Sorry for the misunderstanding!  As I've noted on other threads, sometime it's hard to tell the intention behind written words.  As far as your point, I can appreciate what you are feeling.  Thank you for posting about your struggle.  But it is amazing that you are almost a year clean.  Hopefully this "weak" moment will pass. 

Dave M wrote on 29 Aug 2019 14:48:

No need to apologise, wasn't my cleverest post. B"H random person showed up for a meeting and that calmed me.

The harsh truth is that all of us will have to want to stay clean, each single day, one day at a time, for the rest of our lives.

In that sense we are all dry drunk.

But....we also know that we hate the feeling of falling, and the feeling after it.

We know that with experience if we are really feeling the urge, then something is worrying us more than simply an appreciation of women.

So we can take evasive action.

Perhaps celebrate one year clean, then stop counting?
Just take it day by day every day.

ColinColin wrote on 29 Aug 2019 21:22:

This really made me think - thanks. 
Stop counting - STOP COUNTING??!!
Wow, it threw me sideways.
I hear the idea. To return to the basics at this stage, but the fear... what if its only my desire to hit targets that is keeping me strong?? What if I fail because I stop counting? But obviously, that itself proves that I wasn't really clean to some extent. 
A hard one that I need to think about - but I'm very grateful for the insight. Thank you