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Embarrassment and Shame
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A platform of recovery for Jews who find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, masturbation or other sexual problems. Post anonymously about your struggles without fear of anyone finding out who you are. Ask questions, post answers and be inspired! Get tips and guidance from the experts who moderate this forum, as well as from fellow strugglers.
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TOPIC: Embarrassment and Shame 357 Views

Embarrassment and Shame 26 Aug 2019 00:03 #343102

  • SFTTsrvnt
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One thing that has kept me from joining a group like GYE is the feeling of secrecy, shame, and embarrassment. 
I have for the most part been a quiet person about personal issues and what I struggle in. I don't know if it's because of trust issues, or because I'm ashamed and don't want the people I love and care about to know this about me. I've tried to be a good "kid" my whole childhood and got that reputation, and now as a young adult I'm ashamed and extremely embarrassed to still have this problem. I'm in a position where kids should look up to me, I'm their role model. But inside I'm torn, I feel that I am lying about who I am and what I really represent, that I practice the opposite of what I preach, and that I'm a phony lair.  
Joining this group has been a humbling experience so far today, I feel a little weak and exposed, but at the same time optimistic. I hope that these feelings soon will be in the past and that I will be the one sending chizuk and not the one asking for it. 

Re: Embarrassment and Shame 26 Aug 2019 02:02 #343104

  • higher
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just my opinion but i think its brave of you to have posted and it shows that you want to grow and overcome this nisayon. there are lots of helpful people on this site. choose one that talks your language and gives you advice that works.
much hatzlacha to you.
as a side note, the yetzer hara loves when we look down on ourselves cuz then he can get us to do tons of bad stuff cuz- ''what the heck anyway, im a goner''. it might pay to look at your strengths and not focus about being a phony liar, if thats even true.
ur alive? then theres hope! 
hatzlacha!
if you need support relating to ur wife having sexual aversion and you are NOT an addict, feel free to pm me. ive picked up some advice along my own journey as well.
my thread:https:guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/340817-I-AM-HIGHER-THAN-ALL-THIS!!!#340817

Re: Embarrassment and Shame 26 Aug 2019 09:00 #343110

  • strive613
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Hi SFTTsrvnt, welcome!

I commend you for sharing; it's not easy, even on an anonymous forum.  Keep it up!  I relate to the double life, being a 'phony liar', and shame.  Two things were very helpful for me -
1.  Realizing that I'm not a bad person, just a sick one, and I'm trying to get better.  In the end of the day - Hashem brought me to where I am now, and that includes how I was originally exposed and drawn in to these behaviors, through no fault of my own.  For some reason, my loving G-d put me in this situation - and my loving G-d is showing me recovery from it, one day at a time.   
2.  Sharing my struggles - a.  It helps me get them out of my head, which usually helps put them in proportion/shrink them. b.  It's a tremendous source of support/validation that someone else undersands and knows what I'm going through, and might be going through the same thing themselves.  Additionally, speaking it out can be downright hilarious - especially when someone/everyone else identifies with my insane ideas.

Good luck!

Re: Embarrassment and Shame 26 Aug 2019 13:12 #343118

  • ColinColin
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Welcome - and we are all anonymous here unless we choose to share out names.

Ca you tell the group a bit more about when you look at porn...is it when you are stressed?
Or bored?

Re: Embarrassment and Shame 26 Aug 2019 18:16 #343121

  • gyehelp2017
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Hi SFTTsrvnt,
Welcome welcome!!!
You came to the right place, all of us here at GYE are looking to grow in this area. Happy to have another optimistic fellow on our boat. Please keep us posted on your progress. and before you know it you WILL be giving chizuk to others as well!
Last Edit: 26 Aug 2019 18:17 by gyehelp2017.
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