Hi friends,

its me me again after a long time from making a post on the forum, but I am in need of help more specifically motivation. I’ve been using a technique where I imagine the scenario playing out if I were to waste my seed , the reason behind why I would do it and how I would feel after, and then I would rethink if it’s worth going through all that only to end up with a severe spiritual hang over that only leaves me in disappointment and it’s been working for about a week since I tried doing it. What let me down was that I lacked motivation in a sense that I didn’t know where I was at (on this climb to the top of the mountain so to speak). Is there some sort of guide to know how many days it takes to reach certain levels of freedom or spiritual levels with G-d? Knowing that is so important for me not because I want to have some sort of reward for what I’m doing but so that I know what actually happens if I decide today to “take the next step” forward on to a new level.

ill really appreciate anyone’s advice or input! 

thank you!

I found once I was approaching towards the end of my 90 day journey, things got easier. This is because 1) Things get easier the longer you don't give in and 2) It gets easier once you see you can go a long period without falling.  But it's important to keep in mind that we can never let our guard down.  The yetzer hara is lurking behind every corner.

Hi

There are many people on here with many different versions of Judaism.

From Chassidim to Misnagdim from Tzioni to yeshivish. We all have different approaches to Hashem and we all learn different Seforim with their own understandings of the steps towards being close to Him.

But I think we all believe that sorting this out is good for US.

Meaning (at least in my world and I've gone back to being subjective here), that this is not an attempt to necessarily draw close to Hashem, rather it is an attempt to cleanse ourselves and  prepare for that relationship. While we are involved with ourselves (and I'm quite a few days clean but totally self-obsessed) we will continue to struggle.

So, my personal view, is that if you are waiting for Hashem to appear to you. Don't. If you are waiting for YOU to appear to you, then you're definitely on the right track.  

Thanks for your replies

Welcome back chaver. There are many different strategies that work for different people. Connect with the oilam here, read the various forum posts, see what resonates with you, and iyh you will get out of this mess like so many others before you.

Only special Tzadikkim know what spiritual level they are on.

For the rest of us, we simply have to live day by day.

Don't worry about what "level" you are on, just keep living a positive life.