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When fantasy feels more real than reality
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A platform of recovery for Jews who find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, masturbation or other sexual problems. Post anonymously about your struggles without fear of anyone finding out who you are. Ask questions, post answers and be inspired! Get tips and guidance from the experts who moderate this forum, as well as from fellow strugglers.
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TOPIC: When fantasy feels more real than reality 288 Views

When fantasy feels more real than reality 11 Feb 2019 08:07 #338897

  • Iwtbf613
  • Junior Boarder
  • Posts: 27
  • Karma: 4
So baruch Hashem, I'm on my way to 90 days, 75 days today and really hopeful that I'll make it to 90 days. I wanted to share a struggle that I've had my whole life and one that is sort of rearing its ugly head right now.
I am a very emotional person, I used to get more so when I was young, but every once in a while, I get very depressed. I especially get depressed when I hear a song that really hits me.
I am a musical person and sometimes if I hear a song that gets to me, I can obsess over it for days. I recently heard a goyishe song that also happens to be kol isha and it's one of those "sad songs" songs. The horrible thing about it is that I am happily married with two wonderful kids, a decent job, and a lot of blessing in my life, but when I listen to that song, it makes me feel like I'm in the middle of a break-up or something. I wasn't always frum and I remember going through break-ups, they were horrible. Thank G-d, I don't need to dwell on that because things are going really well in my marriage. I just can't stand when the fantasy of a goyishe song, especially one that deals with love lost, romance, etc. starts to take over my life and feel more real than reality. Can anyone relate to this?

Re: When fantasy feels more real than reality 11 Feb 2019 14:34 #338898

  • bego
  • Current streak: 321 days
  • Senior Boarder
  • Posts: 67
  • Karma: 1

Not going to detail which songs, but there are certain songs that (I heard when I was younger ) and still change my mood if I hear them in a store or while travelling. I can jump from good to bad (rarely the other way round, though some songs do that). They tend to be slow melancholy ones or ones where I feel there is a meaning. 

In terms of depressed, I have never been clinically diagnosed but I go through periods of total self-loathing and have been close to suicide a couple of times. B"H I have overcome these. I would agree that people like us are more prone to being affected by these types of things whereas your "left-brain" type person is more functional and just doesn't get as affected. I can wax lyrical about a book or piece of art whereas my wife just thinks it's "nice" :-)

Re: When fantasy feels more real than reality 11 Feb 2019 17:50 #338901

  • ColinColin
  • Current streak: 196 days
  • Gold Boarder
  • Posts: 305
  • Karma: 5
Yes I can relate.

I think creative people are more sensitive than many others.
This leaves us to greater feelings of sadness and depression which can lead to a fall.

It can also lead us to greater feelings of joy.

We have to guard not only our eyes, but our emotions.

Memories can be triggered by a song, a film, a picture, a story or even a smell.

For creative people we have to know that we are likely to be on an emotional rollercoaster, and so plan our days and nights.

We have to say to ourselves "I know I am likely to be upset or feel very vulnerable when we are tired. I know what other people say can hurt my feelings.
This can make me seek comfort in porn.
So in advance I know that when alone, I will be nice to myself."

Practically this means:

I will read something uplifting.
I will walk.
I will cala friend, or visit a friend or family member.
I will study.
I will daven.
And I will do my best to go to bed when tired."
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