As an 18-year-old living in the New York Area, it's not very hard to get access to devices. Both my parents have smartphones, one of which I have access to if it's left lying around unlocked. There is an unfiltered computer at my house which I am not allowed to be on, but that doesn't stop me when my parents are asleep. There's a filtered laptop and iPad, both of which, being a tech geek, I know how to bypass the restrictions on to get to the unfiltered Internet. And yet none of this ever bothered me-well, that is until I was alone for 10 days in the house over the summer with an unfiltered computer. And that changed everything. Figure out what happened.

Almost six months have passed. I have since viewed porn several times, both at home and at the local library, nearly getting caught twice doing it, but I've escaped unnoticed every time. Two people know that I have this problem; both are my psychiatrists. My parents are completely unaware. I cannot put filters on the unfiltered computer as it's not mine and I'm not supposed to go on it, and even the filtered one, as I've said, poses a risk, as I can get around the filter. There seems to be only one solution if I want to get to 90 days.

Stop using the computer unless monitored. Be a fighter, and even for ordinary things, don't go on it unless you're in plain sight of everyone. Do not take it to your room. Do not use it in private. Do not go on it period unless you are sure someone is watching.

Sacrifices are necessary if I want to reach my goal, and this is not a large one. But there will be times where nobody is around, and I will find myself itching to go on a computer so I can watch porn-it's happened before. There is nobody to stop me from going on a computer that I can view pornography on except me.

It all comes down to me.

It all comes down to how willing I am to break this problem, and if I do want to, then I need to man up and stop using a computer unless monitored, and have the strength to not go on one when unsupervised-  even for ordinary reasons, and certainly not for inappropriate ones.

I need to be a fighter. Find something else to occupy myself with when I get "the urge".  Just keep fighting and grinding until I beat this filthy yetzer hara, and put these past six months firmly in my past, without anyone but God knowing that it happened.

I will be a fighter. And no matter what happens, I will win.

No matter how long it takes, I will win.



 

I admire your fighting spirit.

But from experience, approach this like a Four Star General in a command & control centre rather than like a front-line combat soldier.

By that I mean, use long term strategy and daily tactics, rather than physical fitness and hand-to-hand combat skills.

You cannot "beat" the Yetzer Hara because you are not meant to.
It is deliberately designed by Hashem to be stronger than you!

What you can do is trick it, outwit it, use plans and ruses.

So if you need to go on an internet connected device, plan exactly what you will use it for..non-porn purposes.

if you get a porn urge, then sidetrack it and instead look at sports or a clip about history.
These might not be Torah but they are "neutral" things.

Even better ... if you can read a bit of Jewish content when you get a porn urge...that is fantastic!

This short article explains more:

www.breslev.co.il/articles/judaism/concepts_in_judaism/dont_go_it_alone.aspx?id=33832&language=english

Thanks for the help. Looking forward to applying this!