Welcome. It is courageous for you to post here. I humbly suggest you speak to a rebbi/rav/menahel you trust and discuss how to properly deal with what you were exposed to at a young age. If you don't have someone you can confide in, call Relief and ask for a referral to an appropriate frum therapist to work this through. Secondly, definitely do not go to any mikva where someone triggers you. And if you find yourself focusing on people's bathing suit area in any mikva, don't go at all until this issue is worked out. Lastly, if someone offers to "play" with you, that individual needs help too. So instead of acting out with him, suggest he also find GYE and start the road to recovery - and then run away - fast. Hatzlocha buddy. Iyh you will recover like the rest of us here.
