Dear members of this forum,
I am writing here this morning as I celebrated 6 months of sobriety ODAAT on Monday. I want to thank you all for answering me on the forum and on the chat, it makes a huge difference and helps me stay sober and sane. I feel amazing and it contrasts a lot with thoughts of suicide I had not so long ago and the miserable state I was in (fear, panic, social anxiety, financial fear, guilt, self hate, feelings of inadequacy, feelings of worthlessness, restlessness, overspending ect). I am still an addict and can fall any second, but I am not alone anymore and it makes a world of a difference. I want to thank god for his patience with me and all the miracles he performs every day, and his help in my recovery. My heart opens a bit more every day and I am experiencing a new light, true love and the appreciation of many things I used to take for granted. My old relationship with hashem was me trying to manipulate him into giving me what I thought was good for me, my new relationship with hashem consists in listening to what he knows is good for me. I was fighting god and anything that did not go according to the schedule of my expectations or my calculations (I was nice to this person so I deserve to have X, Y or Z RIGHT NOW AND FASTER OR I START TO BREAK THINGS!), I was retaliating against god I thought but I was in reality hurting myself profoundly. I am grateful to grow a bit more every day with god's help and I pray that I will not forget how it was back then and not lose that precious connection, just for today. A sincere thank you brothers, may god bless us all with sobriety today.