A Tzadik is someone who makes the most of what Hashem gives him and in that, I feel like I have a very long way to go. But I would prefer to discuss what Hashem has given me.
I just noticed that I went over the 500 post mark and the forum crowned me a hero member. In 3 days it will be the 1st. birthday of the forum and 2 weeks later is the date that I was given one of the greatest gifts of my life when I discovered the forum. So I'd like to take the oppertunity to reflect a little on some of Hashem's great gifts to me.
The Gemoro in Berochos 5a says: כל שהקב"ה חפץ בו מדכאו ביסורין שנאמר וד' חפץ דכאו החלי. When Hashem wants to bring someone close to Him he gives him "yisurim".
When I got married I had a plan A and a plan B. Plan A was to stay in Yeshiva and become a big Talmid Chochom; I had all the right ingredients and I felt ready to really get going in that direction. Plan B was to find my place in a nice easy-going community somewhere in America.
But Hashem had plan C. Hashem wanted my heart, תנה בני לבך לי. So in His great mercy He kept on turning my life upside down again and again. Among everything else, the falls that I've had, were of course a very central part of the yissurim. Halevai I would make the best of it, but even as is, it's unbelievable what all the yissurim did for me.
There's no question in my mind that lifetimes of work would not have gotten me anywhere near this far. The clarity that Hashem has given me in Emunah and Bitachon is beyond anything I could have imagined. The way I learned to look at each Mitzvah and each Tefiloh is likewise. It's becoming totaly natural for me to do every mitzvah and every "sur merah" בשם כל ישראל . I have trouble explaining what that means, but I can tell you that it's a completely different life.
And please don't give me that "you're so special" talk. Every Yid is a chelek Eloka mimaal, everyone can get there and much more if you just go along with the flow that Hashem sends you, instead of going along with the flow of the world.
If you c"v find yourself acting like an animal, it doesen't mean you're a sick lowlife. Quite the contrary, it means that Hashem is reminding you what happens when you forget how holy you are.
Yes, you may have caught the terrible disease called addiction, but no, it's not c"v you. YOU are HOLY, and Hashem wants you. Hashem wants you to cut the chains of katnus, to cut the chains of gashmius and lust, to cut the cains of thinking that you can run your own life.
A YID IS LIKE A HELIUM BALLOON, ONCE THE CHAINS ARE CUT, YOU KEEP RISING HIGHER AND HIGHER!
I know that it's hard to except this. That's why Hashem tells us: אנכי ד' אלוקיך המעלך מארץ מצרים הרחב פיך ואמלאהו - I am Hashem your G-d that takes you up from the land of Egypt, OPEN YOUR MOUTH WIDE AND I WILL FILL IT UP!!! In Egypt we were steeped in 49 shaarei tumah to the point that the angels couldn't see any difference between us and the Egyptions. And Hashem raised us up in 7 weeks to the highest level that mankind has ever reached.
And HE"S BEGGING US TO TAKE THE LESSON FROM THERE AND APPLY IT TO OURSELVES; TO STOP THINKING SMALL AND START ENJOYING LIFE!
That's the very essence of Klal Yisroel, like Hashem told Avraham Avinu: ואעשך לגוי גדול